MM and strange convo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
MM and strange convo
22
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 7:03am
My MM ( i am single ) has been talking very strange for the last couple of days.very philosophical ! He says that destiny had a big role to play in the place we ( him and i ) have found ourselves( A,that is ).He says ,he has done nothing but given in to it and will see where life will take us! The road we have taken is very bumpy but sooner or later we will reach there.It was meant to be ,it has happened for a reason.People dont come into our lives w/o reason, etc etc.I was dumbfounded! thats not MY MM,lol! Has he gone crazy,out of his mind ?
He is a very jolly person,fun to be around and something like this coming from him is very unusual.I asked him if he cared to put it out for me,he just laughed out and said i shouldnt put strain on myself and just enjoy!
His such deep talks have left me wondering.Does anyone elses AP indulge in such deep talks?I take it as very comforting that as this is bringing us closer.
Thoughts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 10:18am
loving if he was having problems with the wifey...he would never let me know..he contends she does nothing wrong and that all is good there....and i then still wonder then "WHY are you so hell bent on being with me if you got it like it's all that and then some at home"...because he's not a selfish man..AT ALL...sometimes i can see pain in him but, he never ever ever talks about it one way or the other...maybe one day he'll open up.....

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 10:52am

A thought

Is he trying to distance himself from you? If yes,then he himself could be getting scared of his own feelings.How long have you guys been going on ?

" sometimes i can see pain in him but, he never ever ever talks about it one way or the other." Is it possible that he believes that you wont understand him? many times people who contend something relentlessly are doing so for the only reason that someone out there will consider their problem very petty and so they live through it.People need to talk to someone who would understand their problem and if not help,just validate and support them.If he never lets out his frustartion or problems, he will one day explode as noone i know of,can keep to themselves for long.

I can see how hurt you are with his pain.

i really hope that he is able to open up to you about what hurts him and you both can find happiness together.

P.S He could be keeping to himself as we all tend to give advice to someone with probs in M -- work on it,a M requires hard work,think of your kids,no M is 100% etc.He might have stopped putting himself out there.Just a thought.

I am hear if you want to talk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 11:00am

Does your AP have kids? young or grown up, if any? You could have an honest talk with him about where all his uncertainity is leading you.If he is upset at home, you cant stay to be sounding board all the time.your AP might be playing with your feelings,hon.I am not saying he is but he could be pretending to be sad etc, to keep you around.

Just another thought.

Edited to add:

My AP has started opening up about his M and the state it is in.He no longer wants to stay in it.His kids are young but he says they will be more happy with them being D as the kids are getting a bad image of how a M should be.I got D before i could have any kids.i stayed for 3 years but my ex H had some probs and we ended up with no kids and a D.My AP has opened up to me after a year into our A but we both feel better as we find ourselves on the same page now.My AP is filling soon and i cant wait.




Edited 1/9/2009 11:17 am ET by lovingdoll2008
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 11:15am

no he doesn't pretend to be sad..he says all is well there..yeah he has kids...one DD with her..and one grown DD with another lady way before the M to his W.....


he probably does stay to himself and i have a feeling he has gotten the "WORK ON IT/WORK IT OUT" (as far as his M is concerned) from a lot of folk before..he very well may be unhappy...i've gotten bits and pieces out of him when he does open up a tad..one time i said "everyone cant afford big things and the good life like you can..." "everyone's life aint peaches and cream and honkey dorey all the time, daddy warbucks, mr i got it made" he almost flipped out and said "IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK, YOU JUST THINK I GOT IT ALL, YOU JUST THINK EVERYTHING IS ALWAYS HAPPY AND GOOD IN MY HOME LIFE DONT YOU?" then he calmed down...girl...he was about to blow and open up..but i'm glad he didn't do it that way...i'm glad he calmed himself..i hate seeing him that way....i have a feeling he's been a rock for everyone in his family...a financial and stable rock...he has to play superman and cannot let himself be shown...the emotional him...now we have had the conversation about the emotional him because he's never let anyone but me see him cry..so...i don't know what that means...

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 11:19am

oh yeah i'm S with one DS who is an older teen knows about AP and they have a formed a BROMANCE....lol...he does a lot for my son...i won't post for a bit after this..maybe tonite.."whateva you wanna call him" is coming over in about 40 minutes..i'm leaving work for 1/2 day to spend time with him..


talk to ya later...


"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 11:38am

You have a wonderful man at your hands,hon.

Dress up nice and put up that special smile ;) ,wear his favourite colour and have a very good afternoon!!

Let me know how it goes.My AP is spending the night at my place tonight.cant wait!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 11:49am
im at work now..i have on tight jeans and a fitted long sleeved tshirt..i made my hair really curley today..and i have on high heeled boots..my makeup is on..i don't have any time to go home and change...ugh...i but i'm fine...i will refresh my make up in the bathroom or my car ....we are going to a restaurant then to my place..he'll be around til late evening..i'll probably get like 8 or 9 hours out of him...who knows...maybe not...we'll see....leaving in 10 minutes..talk to ya later..thanks for the advice

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 3:11pm
I agree with the other poster that maybe it is a way for him to deal with his guilt about being in an A, even though he is M, you guys are meant to be together, maybe?
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 5:30am

Hey tyger, how did it go??

My AP came over for the night but left in the wee hours.He knows how to please ;) and keeps me wanting more.
I have recently felt that coming to the board and writing what i feel helps clear my head when i am feeling down but sometimes it satisfies my emotional side and i am left with little to talk to my AP,funny! kwim? Do you feel the same or its just me? I mean,i want to be left with something to talk to him,lol! and me assuming a lot keeps me wondering what exactly is he thinking-- the one we talk on board or what! more confusion!
I guess i need my emotional bond with AP more than with the board,lol,lol,lol !!

I enjoy helping the gals where i can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 5:51am

Hey posh04,

Its confusing at times but i can see through his actions that he means what he says.Earlier when he used to spend the night with me ,he would keep his phone on but recently he keeps it off ,says wants no disturbance.His W called once when he was about to com and he took the call.He felt horrible as what she wanted to just tell him where she had got her new boots from.It did affect our night,you know.After a few of such episodes,he keeps his phone off ,doesnt want to reach peak and then flop!

To practically do it and just say the words,there is a difference.My AP and I have a very good communication.He listens to me.My exH and I had a big communication gap which drifted us apart.Well, thats out of context here.My AP doesnt let me assume things.He is open and talks out the issues.I have never felt that i cant talk to him about what is bothering me,same for him.Its this communication that is binding us and i guess every R has to have a good communication to flourish.

AP might be wanting to not feel guilty but thats fine with me.why should he,huh? We compliment each other.

Thanks for your post,posh04!