MM cheating with another woman....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
MM cheating with another woman....
17
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 11:50am
What would you do if you found out your MM was cheating on his wife AND you with another woman?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 11:56am
If I found out that he was cheating with yet another woman...I wouldn't have been surprised. I will NEVER be so dumb and have such low self-esteem again in my life to put any faith in a man who I KNOW wakes up every day and lies to someone. I am SO done with that life.

X

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 3:00pm
My OM isn't M, but he is living with someone. They have an open relationship although she does not know any specifics about me (due to my M) but apparently she suspects something. She has another lover. It's an unconventional arrangement, I'll grant you, but it works for them. Anyway, I thought about that particular what-if before, although OM is only involved with the two of us.

I'm human. My first reaction when I thought about it was hurt and jealousy. But my pragmatic side soon came out and realized that hey, we're both cheating here, which by definition means we aren't exclusive to one another. We did not have any agreement whereby he could not be with still another woman if he thought he had the energy for it, lol! So, if he felt he needed to embroil himself in yet another relationship (what man would willingly deal with three women who are either pre, post, or menopausal?? lol!!), I wouldn't have any right to ask him not to. I would have to make the decision at that point whether I could deal with it or not.

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 3:26pm
I would definitely not like it. Don't like the idea of him even having sex with his wife. We haven't reached that point in our A since we are LD and have only seen each other once in almost a year and nothing physical. We have a lot to talk about whenever we do see each other again. Another woman? Would not sit well with me at all. I would say then let's be platonic and leave it at that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 5:42pm
Good question.

As stupid as it sounds (and I do admit that it does), I honestly have to say that I would be hurt and livid and probably end the A. I guess that I feel that what we have is special, as if fate drew us together. We have both admitted that while we love each other, that it is a love that can never realize its full potential, like star-crossed lovers, etc. etc. etc.. We married the wrong people, but for personal reasons, choose to live with that decision. To have our relationship down-graded into something else (even if that something else is reality) would suck and I mean big time. For now, we are the lovers that, tragically, can never really be together. I know (I really do) that once a cheater, always a cheater. I guess that I prefer my head to be in the sand with this one. Weird, how I can tolerate being the OW, but not the betrayed OW.

Food for thought.

Thanks

RH

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Tue, 07-22-2003 - 6:31pm
DUMP HIS ASS!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 12:59pm
OM is not married. I encourage him to go find a more suitable target for his affection. If/when that happens, I'll stop all contact. I wouldn't help his relationship and it would be too painful for me to feel jealousy. Pug
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 1:11pm
I agree with Pug, my OM is also single but if he ever found a girlfriend that he was serious with then I would have to say that was it. I couldn't deal with the jealousy and it wouldn't be fair to the other women coming into the situation. OM and I have talked about if this situation should ever happen and he doesn't agree with the way I see it. Guess we will deal with it when/if it happens. DAF
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 2:11pm
Is that what happened to you Yoga, your reason for being so judgemental and bitter these days? Just curious.

Hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 3:48pm
I'm as curious as hope. I've noticed the negative postings also. I'm sorry for what ever happened to you in your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2003
Wed, 07-23-2003 - 4:18pm
Do you really think that Yoga is being judgemental? I think she is trying to offer advice about where these affairs will probably end up. We can ignore her advice and continue with our affairs, which most people will do anyways, but she is only trying to save some people from alot of pain in my opinion. I think it's good to read ALL aspects of the affair and try to keep some reality in an already fantasy filled relationship. Nothing she says can hurt your relationships because they are just words, but it might not hurt to keep those words in the back of our minds because when the ball drops and the pain is unbearable, we just might need someone's insite to what we are now feeling. That's just my very humble opinion, and again, no one needs to get upset because I stated it. I just think that on an affair board, everything should be brought out and we can deal with these issues because we are mature people.

Have a great day!

X

Pages