mm didn't call

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
mm didn't call
10
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:14am
He never called to get together yesterday!! :(!

I'm just gonna leave him alone and give him space. I'm sure he has a lot to deal with with the damage to wife's suv from the deer. And probably work.

If it was me, he would have called and told me to end things or lay low for a while right?

Don't know if he's feeling guilty since he was with me when he hit the deer! Wish he would call and talk to me. But I already texted him once last fri. and Tues. and never got a response to either one. Last night all I did was cry. Cry for the fact that he was in my life for almost 1 1/2 yrs. and he can't give me a call to tell me what's up with him or us. I tend to over think things anyway! We've been getting together every week for like 2 months straight now. Before that it was like every other week and sometimes 2 weeks, but I'm going crazy here!!!

sorry I"m whining..lol.. chrissluver

Gina
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:28am
Chris

The way I would think about this is just about the same as you. However, I would definitely be thinking that there is a possiblity he IS feeling guilty and thinking of ending it. Men sometimes freak out over the simplest of things and it can make them want to take a better look at what they are doing. I guess we all would do that. So with that said I would do what I suggested. Lay low. Do not contact him. You have been together 1 1/2 years, if he is a good guy he will contact you either way. I look at it like if you give him the time and are not in his face he will have the time to get over it and remember why he was with you in the first place. Its a bump in the road, you just have to ride it out.

I know he will call you

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:46am
Im in the same boat as you. My MM man did not call me Tues. and we were supposed to get together. Just let it go. He will call. It is hard this life that we choose with mm men. Ive been going on two years with mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 8:55am
if he was feeling guilty and wanting to end it or not see each other for a while, why hasn't he called to tell me that instead of making me a wreack. He knows I still think about him from the text message on Tues. telling him what I wanted to do to him!!

If and when he calls do you think i should tell him I thought he felt guilty or ask him if he did? if he doesn't bring it up first..

Gina
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:20am
He may not have decided what he feelings are yet. Maybe they had a fight and he is dealing with that too. Who knows what is going on with him now. You will know soon enough. When he calls I would ask him if he is ok. That will open up the door for discussion.

I had an instance with my mm 6 weeks into our relationship where I said something (I was whispering) to him while under the influence of a very strong Vodka tonic that he thought his W could have overheard. Now mind you I thought we were alone in the room and he had made a face at me that could have only been conscrewed as being sexy. So I thought we were safe. He then made a surprised face. Well he told me a couple days later on the phone his W was walking in the room behind me when I did that. It totally freaked him out and I think that was the catylist for him to end our relationship. He acted cold to me on Monday when he came to my office. I called him the next morning and left a vm that I had something important to ask him. When he called me back that afternoon I asked if I had done something to ruin our little situation and that is when he started with the "i feel guilty dont' you"? And he ended it.

He then came down to my office and we talked with me tearing up most of the time. We parted friendly. Of course 6 weeks later we resumed and have been fine ever since. I'm just saying with all this that even and EMA has it's ups and downs that are sometimes present in a typical R. You never know what might make your relationship turn a corner, for good or bad.

I don't know your mm... mine seems to be very open and honest with his ideas and feelings, but I have to probe sometimes to get him to say something.

I know you expected a response from a sexy text message.... but he might not have been ready to respond like he usually does. Just remember, that he needs time most likely or if he is like my guy he is distracted by something else...work...fight with W. Let him sort it out for a few more days before you try to contact him again

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:23am
I know how you feel. There are times when my MM doesn't call too. I feel heartbroken, just like you. But think of it this way... when you DH doesn't call you do you freak out and cry, or just assume that he's busy and forgot because something came up? You have to take everything into perspective in the situation; car wreck, families, affair. Let him work on whatever he's dealing with in his mind.

It's hard as hell (lots of tears), but it usually wills works itself out. If not, then you can be strong and move on. Sounds harsh I know, but you were a whole before him, and can be after him!

Keep yourself busy, busy, busy for a while. Men usually don't like "needy & naggy" women in an EMA. Those are the wives! Don't listen to your head and screw yourself up. Don't call, have him not answer and then think, "Oh I shouldn't have just called!" Make him wonder what you're doing. Men, love them for everything, like the challenge. You probably were a challenge in the beginning!

Be yourself....and true to your heart.

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:38am
I agree with Jen!! The way you are feeling is so hard right now but as hard as it is the best thing to do is to ride it out. He will call. I hate the feeling of waiting for the call or the email but like Jen said there are so many other factors in his life. Try not to take is personally. My MM has told me that a number of times. It isn't personal if he doesn't get back right away. It has nothing to do with the way he feels. I am sure that is exactly what your MM woudld say too!Just stay as busy as possible and hang in there!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 10:56am
You know ... you're all right.. I have to hang on and wait for him to call.. If ending it is in his mind I deserve to know right? I just hope that's not what he's thinking. I felt soo bad when he hit that deer and he said it broke his heart to kill it. I was sitting there thinking omg this is my fault, I initiated to meet that night. I'll let you know what happens .. thanks everyone for calming me down!! I love you guys!

Chrissluver
Gina
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:11am
Chris -

for what's it's worth - I do the same thing! (esp when I have PMS like I have this week) About 3 times this week MM said he would call back later in the day - but, hasn't. Okay - so it was ok for me to go out of my way on Mon to give a litttle....see, we're all alike! I'm sure something has come up - sit down and don't call him. He'll call - I'm sure. This is way harder than I ever dreamed of, huh?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:32am
I'm sorry you are sad, chrisluver. I wish there were words I could say to make you feel better. No communication, for no real reason seems to be a common thread on this board. I honestly don't know why that is the case. It would be very difficult for me to deal with if my MM went N/C for no reason - I would have to end things since there is no excuse to go MIA. It is rude, and rude I have at home, thank you very much.

Has he done this before? Perhaps he mentioned a big project at work that he might be involved in? They tend to lose track of time when that is the case.

Hang in there, and keep yourself busy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 11:38am
Do our MM ever wonder... "when will she call/email?"...."why didn't she call?"...." etc.......