MM got busted... please read!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
MM got busted... please read!!
8
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 7:52am
I haven't been on here in a while, but here's a quick rundown- MM has children, and I have a child. MM and I have been doing this for about 8 months now, and during that time, we have completely fallen in love with each other, mind, body, and soul. We met at our special place yesterday, and there was a woman there who used to know MM's W. Well, come to find out, while MM and I were together, she actually freaking called his W and told her she saw him!! OMG... so, when MM got home, W asked to see his bag to find out what he was wearing... apparently, the woman had told his W what he was wearing. OMG... he called me and told me about it yesterday, and we couldn't talk for long but he was so shaken up. He told me to turn my cell phone off while I'm at home just in case she were to find any bills of his that had my phone number on it. My H has absolutely no idea what's going on. So.. that's the only "proof" that W has. I hope that MM knows to Deny, Deny, Deny. I guess she asked him who it was, and he refused to say anything- he is going to keep me out of this and deal with it on his own somehow. I'm just afraid for him because I don't want to lose his kids. I love him so much, that if I knew there was a chance that they will be able to work it out and he won't lose anything, I would walk away forever. That's how much I love him. Of course, I don't want to lose him, but if that's what I need to do, then I'll do it. I don't know what's going through his mind right now. I won't be able to talk to him until next week. I'm so scared... could this be the end between MM and me??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 1:27pm
Hi IC,

I have no advice or insight... just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time right now. I'm sure if you and MM have as strong a R as you imply, that you will weather this. It will just take time, and maybe a break in your R for him to get things figured out on his end. You can not be responsible for his R w/his W or what happens there, so just continue to take care of yourself and your side of things. And stay strong. You know he *will* contact you as soon as he can.

take care,

lily

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 7:18pm
Hi IC,

I'm sorry to hear that things are not good at present... take a little heart though... it doesn't always have to be the end of things... but I'm pretty sure that damage control needs to be done... absolutely certain actually... and therefore you may need to remain distant from one another.

I'm been through this myself... caught by DH... while not caught physically... he had enough info to know for sure. I made changes... but could not let go of MM... that was about 2 and a half years ago now. I am much more aware of things... and not to mention that I don't want my marriage to end... so am very careful.

It can be worked through... but you will have to give it time... and that's going to be hard. Stay strong... he will get in contact with you as soon as it's possible for him.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 8:12pm
Thanks so much girls... I am just so afraid that this is going to be our final goodbye. I'm not ready to lose him, and I know that he's not ready to lose me. We've been through

so much together already, we need each other in our lives. I'm just going to wait for

him to contact me. Even though we both work together, I am lucky for that, I suppose.

At least I'll be able to see him tomorrow. But I will let him make the first move-

whether it be an email, phone call, or him simply walking up to my desk. I just

feel so bad for him right now. I hope she isn't going psycho on him- hitting or destroying

his stuff or anything. I have a feeling he's still at home though, because if she

threw him out, then he would absolutely be able to contact me. I'm ready for NC, and

I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst. I'm just glad that we were able to spend

quite a while with each other yesterday- it was so amazing in so many ways. If that was

the last time that we'll ever be with each other, I can deal with it. I'll have to.

His smile... god, I can't resist his smile. All I need is for him to smile at me and I'll

know that everything is right in the world. I'm going to bed early tonight- because

it'll make Monday morning come faster and at least I'll be able to see him in

my dreams. I can't believe I'm already listening to sad music....like that's going to

make me feel any better. Thanks so much for your support... I'm hoping that this is not

the end and there will be good times once again. I'm willing to wait as long as

it takes.


Complicated

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 8:58pm
I just had a question for you. Would you want to leave your h is you could be with the MM? I'm seeing a MM and I was M when it started. I left for my own reasons other then the A, but I don't think I could have continued being with H with the feelings I have for MM. This is the man that I've waited for my entire life. He's everything to me, so I know how awful you must be feeling. My mm is planning on leaving soon. We both don't want her to know, because we both feel it would only hurt her more. So I see the need for damage control in your case regardless if he wanted to be with you or not. It is hard to start out a relationship with the big "A" work over your head. People don't care if you love each other more then anything or that your M was not a happy one. So anyhow, I hope everything works out for you. I feel your pain, I would be going crazy with wondering what was going on & if he was ok. Be strong...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 10:01pm
I applaud you from leaving your M because of your feelings for your MM. I did the same thing - also for other reasons than the A - but I couldn't keep up with the facade. It doesn't make it better for us that we are single and still waiting. I believe my MM is my soul mate and we belong together but I'm still waiting for him to leave. He's trying to not hurt his W, his strategy is for her to be so unhappy she wants out. I wish you the best of luck I hope it works out for you! I know 2 people at work in which it did! There's some hope. Take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 10:21pm
Thankyou. He is my soulmate, I just know he is with all of my heart. He too is trying not to hurt his w. They no longer talk or anything really. I feel sorry for her, but I love him too much to walk away. Unless of course that's what he wanted. I left for other reasons then just my A, but that was the thing that made it possible for me to have that courage to do it. My mm even met me at my house after my h had gone to work and helped me move my stuff out. He said that he passed my h on the road! I've never been so scared in my life. My soon to be ex has a very bad and serious temper and I was scared of his reaction. But he didn't really react like I thought. I guess he just knew it was over. Whew! Anyhow, you are right, it doesn't make it easier being single and waiting for them to leave. But I know in my heart, that it's worth it. Goodluck to you too! I hope you don't have to wait too long.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 12:05am
I am so sorry to hear about your "MM" getting caught well i guess the devil must be out all this week my "MM" also got caught but we really got caught she figured his password to his e-mail account and found all of my e-mails to him and of course the sent ones to me well she has e-mailed and asked me about me and that she is ready to ruin my life with my "DH" imagine that?? well i have e-mailed her back and well now things got steamer but i do hope things go better for you i kno wwhat you mean that we cant let go at least not yet right but well lets hope and pray that god could at least clear all this fog for us.

Best Luck to you....

Ps.. I have also posted for advise on my issues and got great advises hope you do tooo but i guess at this moment all we can tell our friends here is "GIRL'S BE CAREFUL SERIOUSLY IT LOOKS LIKE THE WORLD IS WATCHING" just keep all lyour tracks clear girls.

Marubaby
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Mon, 09-08-2003 - 1:30am
imworthitmar,

My MM had that same philosophy, sabotage the marriage and she'll kick him out, then it'll be her decision and not his, and he'll feel better about leaving his kids. But when push came to shove and his W did tell him he wants a D he got scared I think, she has since told him about 3 times that she wants a D, and his excuse is.. he can't do that to his kids. for about 16 months that's all we talked about (our future together) but I had to decide at some point how long I'd stay and if I'd stay whether or not he left. So here I am in a happier place knowing that whether or not he leaves we're together and theres no expectations.

How long have you been waiting for MM? I told MM the other day he needs to "be a Man" and stop letting his W make all the decisions, he was surprised but agreed... not that he'll do anything about it.. and the thing is... my MM's W makes more money then he does, so her taking him to the cleaners isn't an issue for him, but I think the fact that his standard of living will be affected is a big factor that he'll never admit.

=)