From MM to H

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
From MM to H
10
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 10:04pm
How do you handle going from the passion of being with MM to then having H wanting intimacy?

Yesterday I met my MM of 9 years. The passion. I will do anything he asks sexually. He turns me on so much!!!!!!!! I love oral on him and I will swallow time and time again. We have tried anal (not my favorite, but to please him). I love on top, bottom, standing or across a chair. Anyway anytime.

But after times with my MM, I go home. My H wants attention that evening or the next night. I dread the thought of sex with him. He is a wimp. I have never given him oral and swallowed. If he suggested anal, I would tell him "no way". It is missionary and I just lie there. I can't wait for him to finish. I moan loudly and he climaxes quicker. Good.

Does this sound familiar to anybody? Help please.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 11:17pm
I totally agree with you..I also just lie there motionless pretty much and cant wait for him to be finnished. However....I have wild sex with my MM...YUMMY!!!!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 11:25pm
oh yeah BTDT.... although I did have a fairly decent weekend with H.. i came home and two days later was with MM having sex that was ten times better in 50 min that an entire weekend with H.

sigh

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 5:40am
I posted a very similar problem under "Feeling guilty"! I hate sex with fiance. I even pretended that I have my period to try and avoid getting physical with him! My MM has raised my expectations so far up, I know for sure that F can never keep up! It's very frustrating. The people who replied to my post said they had the same feelings, and sorry to tell u , but obviously no one can get over it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:28am
Let me answer your question and follow with a question. Yes, for me it's true too. However, being a guy, I take a lot of the responsibility for the sex in both cases. With W, I just got tired of trying to breathe excitment into the sex. I was ALWAYS work and she reacted as you women as describing. With my OW, the passion is there and a look or touch ignites it!

However, looking back at my marriage I wonder if I didn't cause a lot of the problem. Someone in this thread used the term "wimp" to describe their H. I didn't start my relationship with my W as a wimp, but I'll be she thinks of me that way now. Because I don't "just take her". The magic is gone and I can't make it get back to that point. And keep thinking she should want to try too.

Anyway, my question is, can you imagine your H's changing or being able to do anything that would put that passion either back or cause the passion that your other men cause. I guess I'm getting down to the quesiton of...is passion pure chemistry or is it manufactured?

Bis

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 7:48am
I have to say I personally think passion is pure chemistry. Ever since I started my A, I have been talking to my fiance, trying to give our relationship one last chance. I told him how much I think the lack of passion between us is killing me. He promised to do his best and try to spice things up! and he's very sincere about his attempts.But it just doesnt feel right! It's not him, not his personality, I feel him trying to change his personality and adopt a cliche idea from here or there to try and "re-create passion" as he puts it! Sometime I feel it's so silly! And honestly, it feels too artificial.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 10:26am
I would like to respond to both dream and Bis.

First, Dream, may I suggest that you call off the wedding. I don't really know your situation, and I apologize up front if I'm out of line. However, if you are feeling like this before you even walk down the aisle, I'm afraid it isn't going to get any better. You may have other reasons for saying "I do", but in my opinion, intimacy between a husband and wife, is very important in a marriage. When your F makes love to you, you can't wait for it to be over: Fast forward to 5, 10, 20 years from now - can you really imagine being married for that many years to a man that you don't enjoy having sex with?

Bis - I do agree that passion is chemistry. But, if you had it once, you can have it again. The chemistry doesn't just disappear. You do have to want it though! There are many phases in a marriage, and maybe it's unrealistic to think that the relationship in the bedroom is always going to "hot and heavy", especially once you factor in the daily grind of work, kids, bills, the leaky faucet, everyday life.

My H is a wonderful considerate lover. At times, our lovemaking is extremely passionate and at others it is merely the gentle need to connect with each other. We have been M for almost 16 years (together for 20). We are in a position currently where we are rebuilding our M after my infidelity. Throughout this difficult situation, we continue to enjoy each other sexually, and to be honest, if we didn't have that, I'm not sure where we would be.

JMHO

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 10:33am
Dear Red,

Don't appologize for being upfront! I appreciate it so much. The problem is,I know I have to call it off. I tried to do that last week, but he broke up in tears, that it made me feel so akward. So Im just waiting here, letting things linger for a while until I find a way out of this relation, with as little damage as possible.I just don't have the guts yet to call it off and just leave! I wish I had the strength. I'm not leaving for MM by the way. MM just made me realize that the grass on the other side is green, too! Maybe greener than on my side!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 6:42pm
I have been lurking here a while-but felt I had to post to this. I would love for my H to make love to me-we were so good together. Just like this morning we were making love and he started thinking about where he needed to be later today and it was all gone. I have tried talking-telling him my needs-seducing him-and before everyone tells me he needs to seea doctor-nothing is wrong physicaly-he just dosen't want me any more. Any wonder that I found a man to give me what was so lacking in my life.

Terri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 8:02pm
I understand exactly what you are talking about. Although MM and I have not been intimate yet, after lunch with him and some serious "necking/petting" in the car (much like teenagers! :) ) I dread the thought of H even looking at me, let alone touching me. Although, due to the difficulties in the marriage looong before MM came into the picture, now that he is part of my life, it is much more difficult. I absolutely dread sex with H. I usually go to bed around 10, leave him downstairs to watch ESPN or drink himself to sleep, but there are times he follows me upstairs. This means one thing. Sometimes I can lie about not wanting to, or just say "no", but there are times I agree just to keep the peace. Like the others who have posted, I just lay there and wait for it to be over. Fortunately, it is.

I'm at the point now that I wonder when is the right time to be sexually intimate with MM. One one hand, I know it will change things with us, and feel we should wait since we have only known each other three months. On the other hand, we are both looking for the same thing; a friend and a lover, and question why I'm being coy.

Kissing him is unlike anyone I have ever kissed. Our kisses are long and passionate, neither ever wanting to stop. I know when the times comes, I will be able to unleash a passion I didn't know in my 20's - I'm 20 years older, more comfortable in my sexuality, and am attracted to him on so many levels.

I often wonder if things are different in an A, because we don't see them as potential husband/father material. Simply as lovers and confidants.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 8:56pm
SSB,

I understand your feeling about long, passionate kisses. I have that with my MM. I wish I had that with my H.

I really understand your comment about unleashing your passion. My MM taught me that the man creates the passion and then woman unleashes hers. AND DO I EVER !!! LOL !!

Until I met this man, I never knew what passion really felt like. I watched a kiss in the movies and thought it was acting. My MM is better than the movies. I am the same person, he makes the difference. He takes me ... presses me against the wall and kisses me and I melt. I simply melt.

I don't know if he would be a good husband to me, that is a good question. For now, that is not an option for either one of us.