MM had his baby today!!
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MM had his baby today!!
| Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:19pm |
MM had his baby today and I'm truly very happy for him and W. I've met W many times and really do like her. The baby must be beautiful too because they are both very attractive people. It is bittersweet in a way because I believe this will be the end of the A. In a way I'm relieved because I want him to be happy and I hope this baby will help him fall in love all over with his W and they can find happiness together. Hearing him talk about his baby today, I know he has fallen in love with her already and I'm happy for him. I'm glad he's so proud and happy about the baby because he wasn't initially because he thought W who was g/f at the time trapped him, but I knew once he laid eyes on his baby girl he would be head over heels. At the same time I'm sad that this is probably the end of us. I really care about him and it's hard to let go, but I think it's time, besides I don't think I have much say in this anyways, but it doesn't make it any easier or make the pain any less. MM and I work together and he'll be off a week or two and that will make things easier for me a little, I hope. It's hard not to fantasize and wish that the baby was ours and we were sharing that experience for the first time together, but that's reality and we both knew this was coming. I don't regret the A at all because I've learned so much from him and have taken away so much from this, I'm just sad that something so special and dear to me may be over and needed to express my feelings so thank you for letting me share.
Has anyone else been in this situation? Did your A end because of the baby? How can I best be supportive of him right now? Thanks for the advice.
IBC

Hi IBC,
So glad you are dealing with all this ok... and that you have such a postive attitude about it.
I too have been on both sides of the coin... however... MM and I were just friends when I found out his wife was pregnant... we did however start our affair through the pregnancy... and I was simply there to support him through it.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
When I found out the my MM's W is expecting, the first thing I asked him is what he wanted from me. He told me that he loves me, that he was sorry for hurting me, but will accept my decision if I decide to walk away. He said that he would rather be the one to get hurt so I won't hurt anymore. He does wants me in his life, I decided that I can't turn my back on our relationship. He is my soul mate and I am his. My love for him is keeping me around. He gave in and decided to try for a second child to provide his son a sibling and not because he is in love with her or to work on his marriage. I'm going to stick around for us and what we've developed together. Since I can't imagine leaving my H and he can't leave his young son, providing his son with a sibling before it's too late (age-wise for both he and his W) was something he felt he had to do. We just have to wait the next few months out because it will be the hardest test of our relationship. I was upfront with my MM and have told him that as much as I love him and want to be there for him, it would all depend on how I feel when the birth happens. It may just hurt me so much that I may walk away. I don't want to but I have to look out for my feelings.
I can appreciate you feeling that this may be the end of your A. I know it's a difficult decision being the person 'outside' of the situation. Problem is...as much as we fear that he will concentrate on this new baby and that the relationship with his W will improve, I don't know if that realistically happens. My guess is that this baby may not improve his relationship with his W, as much as we think it may.
We are in an A with them for a reason, I truly believe that this EMA provides us all something that we either never had/don't get/will never get from our H's nor do they get it from their wives. If it wasn't in the M before, it's hard to imagine that it is possible to rekindle that just because of a baby. As much as we feel like we have the responsibility to walk away, it would be up to our MM to decide whether their life is complete and no longer need/want us in their lives. Of course, if this is too difficult, by all means follow your heart and see what you need to do to make yourself happy.
Sorry for babbling...hope I helped:-) I really wanted to make sure that I was able to help you somewhat.
GOOD LUCK!
Edited 5/24/2004 10:33 pm ET ET by torngal
Last year in 2003, MM's W got pregnant. It wasn't a planned baby, and as soon as MM found out, he told me. To say the least, he wasn't happy about it. His W was supposed to be on birth control, and stopped taking it without telling him. I'm guessing that she thought htat it was time for another baby. Well, he told me in February, right after our four year anniversary. It was funny, because about two weeks earlier, we had a discussion about if his W was hinting about having a baby. Their DS was asking for a brother or sister. He was only 5 at the time, and she mentioned to him, that he had to ask daddy. At the time, he said that they couldn't afford to have another, and that he really wasn't ready to have another. Well, two weeks later she gives him the big news. I can tell you how crushed I felt finding out, thinking that he would end things. In September they had their baby girl. Those two weeks he was gone, I was walking on eggshells. Thinking that he would fall in love with W all over again, and break it off. I always knew that it could happen, and no matter how hard I tried to prepare myself, I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it. Well, he came back, and acted the same way as always. So far, things have been wonderful.
This year I found out that I'm pregnant again. DD is four, and I've always wanted to have another baby. I know that this is MM's this time, because I wasn't with H intimately around the time I would have concieved. I'm already halfway there, and MM has been really supportive. I've told him that if he has any concerns that he better talk to me about them. If the same thing happens again that happened the last time, there won't be another chance for us. I really do love my MM with all my heart. He is the other half of my soul. But, no matter how much I love him, I won't allow him to hurt me that bad again.
The difference between my EMA and all of yours though, is that our A is not a love A, at least it is a one way love affair, me for him. A few weeks ago I did tell him how much I cared about him, did not mention love, and he pretty much said that he did not want me to get too involved as that would complicate things and he was pretty much in this A for the fun and enjoyment of it because it was uncomplicated. I've backed off since. That's why I think the A will be over because it's not a love A for him, which saddens me more. I do thank you all for your support though. I will try to keep my chin up.
IBC
We're here if you need us. I know I will certainly be needing all of you the next 6 months. I'm literally just sick to my stomach about it but I have to at least 'try' to stick it out because of how we feel for each other and what we've got.
Good luck, IBC. Just let whatever happens...happen. Whatever is meant to be will come out for you.
Edited 5/25/2004 4:34 pm ET ET by torngal
IB, I haven't been there, but wanted to say I am very impressed with your positive attitude.
~Flirty~
Hi IBC,
Just wanted to follow up on this one hon... while I have many a strong feelings for MM and consider what I do feel for him a love of sorts... I don't consider what we have a love affair.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My