MM just had BABY, need advise !

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
MM just had BABY, need advise !
12
Sun, 01-25-2004 - 1:15pm
hello everyone, I lurk at times, and am an emotional mess between being true to my heart and doing what is the right thing, setting him free out of the love I have for him, and inside falling apart. I post on the ending an affair board, realizing I was not ready to let go........

it is complicated but what is not, in short, I am single, two kids, known MM for three years, meet in the park, found out what coincidence we work together, diff. dept, anyhow, became close friends, unbelievable chemistry, feeling of comfort, and oh gosh how can something so wrong, feel so right?....W. is not a bad women, just not the one for him, different kind of personlities, goals etc. he was not happy, felt unappreciated....thre was I the opposite, adoring him, we clicked and would be perfect of each other, he is a super devoted father...she somewhat has some idea I exist, and I think realized she needs to work a bit harder to keep him, he got a job promotion, bought a bigger house, things got better at home. He started living a double life, making him choose between the kid, her and me was never an option...we just took it day by day...then she gets another suspicion about me existing, next thing we know she is pregnant...now hte baby is here , he still stays in touch( I set himfree so to speak before thanksgiving, for his own sake to rekindle his marraige, I mean what better time then now, right? I did not watn to interfere, he did not take it to well, we stayed in daily touch, the feelings get the best of us at times, we both have this daily struggle with friend, then heck now we don;t just want to be friends....no he is not talking about leaving, I know and accepted that, try not to think of tomorrow, but also never say never you know, I try to keep my heart open for my own available Mr. wonderful to come in my life, he knows that and that there is not a whole lot then besides letting me go should this happen....sorry I am rambling.

Guess my question is: HAS ANYONE BEEN WIHT MM THROUGH PREGNANCY AND BABY BEING BORN AND WHAT HAPPENED FROM THERE, HOW DID YOU COPE ANOTHER WOMEN HAVING THE CHILD WITH THE MAN YOU LOVE?....DID THIS MAKE THE MARRIAGE BETTER, FOR HOW LONG?...any input welcome.. Thanks for listening

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 12:43pm
Work with MM for a couple of years, unbelievable chemistry etc. Was thinking of starting an A when we found out his wife was pregnant with third child. Our A started mostly because of sex (or lack of in our M-his wife pretty much shuts him off when she's pregnant.) We continued throughout the pregnancy. I remember feeling kind of weird when I found out about the pregnancy but the passion b/w us is still so unbelievable. Even now we have more sex with each other than with H/W. I'm done having kids and he wishes he was but his wife wants more. He's just going through the motions at home. Neither of us wants to leave our spouses so we are just enjoying each other while we can. We love each other but we both realize it's not possible to be together. I guess we are both a couple of wimps....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 4:00pm

hi buttercup and welcome!


i am not (and thank god for that!) in this situation nor have i been, so i can't really offer you advice, but i just wanted to let you know we're here to listen

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 5:01pm
Hello buttercup -

I am sorry that I cannot give you any advice regarding your situation because it is one that I am currently going through the motions of right now, just a couple steps ahead of where you are. The people here have been wonderful in their patience with me and support of where I am at - you are in the right place. Welcome to the board.

I guess all I could say is if you wanted to see where my situation has lead - feel free to read my threads and take from them what applies to you that all of the others have been so willing and gracious to take their time to post back to me.

Good luck and a huge cyber hug - I know what you are going through and surely wish it upon no one.

Confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Mon, 01-26-2004 - 7:18pm

Buttercup, I have no real advice for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 10:18pm

Hi buttercup,


Not sure I can help here... but I will most certainly try... bear in mind however that my situation is probably just a little different to yours... as are all our situations.


Yes! I've been there... not long after I meet MM... he told me his wife was 6 weeks pregnant and he wasn't sure that he wanted the baby.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 5:13am
Hi, I'm new to this posting thing but have been reading the posts for quite a while. My first A with a MM (I have only had 2 A's but no good excuse) was a just for sex thing that lasted for 2yrs & 3mnths. During that time, his W became pregnant with TWINS!! It was difficult for me at first because it threw me for a loop. He and I had been involved for about 6 mnths when this surprise came up. It was difficult working through the pregnancy with him because after about 4-5 mnths his W was bed bound at home on rest to protect the pregnancy. The only advice I have for you is "Good luck". It's difficult being in an A to begin with but to have the added stress of pregnancy doesn't help. If you have feelings for him, this will not be an easy time although afterwards might get a bit better. I wish you luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 12:46pm
I have a question, if I may.

I lurk here and am curious in understanding these EMAs.

How can people write that their marriages are "going strong" yet they are having affairs? I have always been curious about these types of statements. One would think that a weak marriage would provoke an affair, right? I mean, marriage vows say "forsaking all others" yet, you are not doing that.

Secondly, when I read that the "wife got pregnant" as if she did it by herself. Every man who has sex with a woman knows there is a possibility of pregnancy. So, to have someone absolve himself of the responsibility is a joke.

Honestly, I don't mean any offense here, I am curious if people in EMAs realize their biased opinions, and sometimes may not be truthful to even themselves. Could this be possible. If I were soliciting advice, I would want honest answers if asking honest questions. Sometimes on a support board, you are not always getting that. You are pretty much hearing what you want to hear. Just my observation.

I am not in an affair now but understand them all too well and definitely see things a lot clearer from the outside. Hind-sight is 20/20. It is one of the truest statements ever written.

I did not mean to insult, I am just a very curious thinker and like to show the other side of the coin.



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 1:25pm

hi rose and no offense taken!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 1:49pm
I believe my A started b/c of a pregnancy.

MM was not getting any sex at home....

None thru entire pregnancy....

I guess the attraction between us was too much ..

He was ready to pop ! ...and so was I !!

Now, w/ baby born,

MM has no time!

Now im stuck w/ waiting.

and boy does that hurt!!

Esp. since I got too emotionally involved!

TOW

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 4:54pm

Hi rose,


You're more than welcome to be curious.


I'm not sure about buttercup... but I know myself... I said MM told me his wife was pregnant... not that she got pregnant.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

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