MM just had BABY, need advise !

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
MM just had BABY, need advise !
12
Sun, 01-25-2004 - 1:15pm
hello everyone, I lurk at times, and am an emotional mess between being true to my heart and doing what is the right thing, setting him free out of the love I have for him, and inside falling apart. I post on the ending an affair board, realizing I was not ready to let go........

it is complicated but what is not, in short, I am single, two kids, known MM for three years, meet in the park, found out what coincidence we work together, diff. dept, anyhow, became close friends, unbelievable chemistry, feeling of comfort, and oh gosh how can something so wrong, feel so right?....W. is not a bad women, just not the one for him, different kind of personlities, goals etc. he was not happy, felt unappreciated....thre was I the opposite, adoring him, we clicked and would be perfect of each other, he is a super devoted father...she somewhat has some idea I exist, and I think realized she needs to work a bit harder to keep him, he got a job promotion, bought a bigger house, things got better at home. He started living a double life, making him choose between the kid, her and me was never an option...we just took it day by day...then she gets another suspicion about me existing, next thing we know she is pregnant...now hte baby is here , he still stays in touch( I set himfree so to speak before thanksgiving, for his own sake to rekindle his marraige, I mean what better time then now, right? I did not watn to interfere, he did not take it to well, we stayed in daily touch, the feelings get the best of us at times, we both have this daily struggle with friend, then heck now we don;t just want to be friends....no he is not talking about leaving, I know and accepted that, try not to think of tomorrow, but also never say never you know, I try to keep my heart open for my own available Mr. wonderful to come in my life, he knows that and that there is not a whole lot then besides letting me go should this happen....sorry I am rambling.

Guess my question is: HAS ANYONE BEEN WIHT MM THROUGH PREGNANCY AND BABY BEING BORN AND WHAT HAPPENED FROM THERE, HOW DID YOU COPE ANOTHER WOMEN HAVING THE CHILD WITH THE MAN YOU LOVE?....DID THIS MAKE THE MARRIAGE BETTER, FOR HOW LONG?...any input welcome.. Thanks for listening

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
Wed, 01-28-2004 - 9:48pm
I hear what you are saying. Im going though the same thing. My MM is having his 1st it was planned. As far as he knows I have no feeling for him. But deep down I love him so much. To me and I dont know about you but i dont want to hear about anything about the baby. When it due, what sex it is, etc. It hurts too much. You have a choice like im having to make. Should you just keep take it if for the few momments you have together or get out and start over. It is too much pain for me to bear. We will see easier said then done. Wish you luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 12:30am
buttercup-

I'm new to lurking/posting I just posted a similar one. My story is he was

already leaving an unhappy marriage (and so was I)when I found out she was

pregnant. I told him I was leaving b/c I didn't want to ruin a family. Well,

according to early information she wasn't going to be able to have the baby.

Also according to him they hadn't been together like that since New Years Eve

(it was early Feb I found this out). So I changed my mind and stayed with him.

Through several months of bumps we grew closer and more connected. Well, in

early December I got a call from my sister (who btw doesn't even know his W) and

she told me that W had a baby. He lied to me for the entire pregnacy by not

telling me. They aren't together and are in the middle of a nasty divorce. So

now I'm trying to deal with the "shock" factor and the "saddness" of him having

another child with her--not me. The sad part is I LOVE HIM even though he

neglected to tell me such an important bit of information. So I'm trying to find

away to deal with the full range of mixed up emotions and move forward with our

R. Wow is it a challenge.

So I guess my advice to you is... If he is still intimate with his W the

marriage isn't as unhappy as he may lead you to believe. I don't think there is

anything wrong with having a FWB. So I say keep enjoying yourself, but take your

heart back! And the other bit of advise I have is listen to yourself...you said

"no he is not talking about leaving, I know and accepted that ... I try to keep

my heart open for my own available Mr. wonderful to come in my life" I think

that is the best thing you can do. B/c your Mr. Wonderful is out there and if

you keep your heart for him and above all yourself then you will find him when

your ready.

I hope this was helpful. Good luck!

iaam

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