MM NC for 3 weeks
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| Sat, 09-13-2003 - 1:18pm |
I have been lurking for a while and decided to vent.
My MM did not call me for over 3 weeks..I was falling apart thinking that he was ending it between us with just by not calling anymore. I got a even better job that is national (pay is more than I have ever made..pays more than MM's job) and wanted to tell him so badly. I wanted to share that news with him first yet I cant always contact him so I had to share it with H (Yuk). I have been in a daze wondering how could he not want to hear my voice (as he always says). I wondered how could he "love" me so much yet not even take the time to call to see how I am. I felt soo low and uncared about. I felt like I was dying inside and I felt like such a fool to be here trying so hard to make things work so that I can get a divorce and move back to town he is in for us to be together. He claimed that he wanted that too and would leave his w as well.
Last week, I did call him at work just to see if he was alive. I called when I knew he ws not at office and he was out in field and I DID NOT leave a message. I wanted to see just when he would call me. I had to sit on my hands not to call him and track him down as I could have done.
What hurt the most was that the last time we spoke on his Birthday ..I told him that I was going thru a hard time with H and the fact that we were so many miles apart..I poured my heart out to him in a letter which he had in his hand as we spoke. He said such sweet things and I really thought we were on the same page....apparently not if he waited 3 weeks to call me.
Today, MM left me a VM saying he was sorry its been so long and he had been having hard time at work and home, and that he loved me and misses me and really hopes that I will call him back at 3pm....Well I did not call him. I figure if he is THAT busy he is too busy to keep our relationship going as well..I mean I was happy with a call or two a week but we have never gone 3 weeks without him calling. I am just rambling but I dont know what to do with him...I am so confused. I still love him of course yet I need for him "want" to call more. Over these past few weeks I have gained some strength in not calling him or taking his calls and he will have to just "wonder" for a while. Cheetah

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i was just talking with him about all the stuff i'm going through at home and he totally understood and calmed me down and pointed out that i'm strong and can handle the situations. he said "just take control of what you can and deal with it and let the rest go," which is exactly what i would have said to anyone on this board, or my friends here. he doesn't try to "fix" everything, he just lets me talk and offers his opinion. i really appreciate that because i know it's hard for him to step back and let me take care of myself. he wants to be there for me but because of our circumstances, he can't be and he says that kills him. he's very much the control-freak in his career and marriage, so not being able to help me goes against his grain, ya know?
ah well, on and on it goes.
take care,
gurl
He is getting his own business up and running which is consuming a lot of his "talk time"to me, I know that to be true. But like someone else said, not even a quick hey, I'm thinking about you call. I use to get those all the time. I guess I got spoiled as to how much we did talk, and now that it isn't there I feel like something is wrong. I have ask and it is always that he is so busy with his business and all. So, I guess for now I will just let it go and try to distance myself too. I have done this before and he usually comes back around, so I guess I will see what happens. Thanks for your thoughts on this. It really helps!!!
Angel
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