A MM perspective
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| Tue, 07-07-2009 - 6:19pm |
The more I read on this board and EAS, the more I see myself. And I'm not a knight in shining armor. My A has been going 3 plus years. She was my fantasy for more than 2 years before that. She was so out of reach I used to joke and call her my girlfriend to my wife. She is a neighbor who many refer to as Miss Perfect. My M has some real problems - 99% of them my fault. I never thought I could be with my AP. But guess what? We fell madly in love, best friends, hurt when we parted, excstacy when together. (My spelling sucks - sorry)
Now I tell myself - "Be careful what you wish for". The Talking Heads song - Burning down the house - Watch out, you might get what you're after.
Anyhow, my AP knows I love her and she has wanted to divorce her husband and me to divorce my wife. We have 5 kids between us under the age of 13. I love my AP, my wife??? - how can I love her if I do this to her? You F'n can't dude.
But I can't walk out on my wife and children. My AP says she can so my love is not as deep as hers. She respects my choice, but for the past 8 months (we both asked our spouses for a separation 8 months ago). I backed out. Then so did my AP - but only because I did. I can talk to my AP for hours and hours - there is never enough time for us, it always hurts deeply to say good bye, my wife - I time our cell phone calls - she doesn't know - they never go over 3 minutes. But my wife is a wonderful person, go figure but even our sex life is amazing - nearly every day even afer 10 plus years. My A is not about sex. Well, not just about sex. Even when my A ends, and it's rapidly going down the tubes, I believe I have done irrepairable harm to my marriage. Both our spouses are nearly certain we have been together. (But that's a different story.
I told my AP, among other reasons, that if I left my family for her, eventually my guilt would turn on us and it would never work. My AP is a dream come true to me. But my reality will never allow that dream to be my life. So I may love my AP, but we have no future.

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for what it is worth, i am also single and never married because in
my humble opinion, all men cheat. stangely enough, i don't really
have an opinon on whether all women cheat, i have never been in
an a with a mw, lol. i do know, that in my experience, 9 times out of
10 i am more likely to be hit on by a married man than i am a
single man and generally it is because the mm is bored and is
looking for some excitement.
the men went for cover, lol....it is the wishy washy 'i am having too much
fun
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