MM question of the day

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
MM question of the day
5
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 9:08pm
Hello,

Had the opportunity to be with my MM today. During our time together and during our conversation he asked "what do you think it means when ...after sex with W I am still hard??????" Now understand my OM really is sweet and this may sounds really bazaar. Our conversations usually involved LOTS of topics including our spouses and sex. There was no comparison made here just a comment. I should add that he is NEVER hard after we have been together. Do you think it is a mind thing......a not satisfied by the W......wish it would last longer thing (with the W).....HELP....

This question has really got me thinking. I know things between us is great and he says the sex is good at home too. I know I know....so why the EMA????? Hell if I knew that I wouldn't be writting here or reading the bulletin board.

Does anyone else get questions like this? Do you and MM ever compare your partners? Am I over "thinking" this? Am I trying to somehow find a compliment for myself in that statement (when maybe there isn't one_?????

Your thoughts would really be appreciated

Stuck with the question in my head...........................Pep11
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 9:49pm
Hey pepper!

I think he may just have been wondering aloud, since you two have always been at ease with these discussions. Personally, I would take it to mean that he still needed more with W and he was 'spent' with you, but who knows if that's really it. And yeah, you're probably overthinking it just a tad ;-) but that's okay!

OM asks me about my sex life a lot!! I've got issues there, because my marital sex life has always been a sad story, so I'm less than comfortable with it, but nor does it especially bother me to answer any questions he has. (I don't volunteer information, however!) I can't help compare the two of them, it's like night and day, and I tell OM that. He's by far the more considerate and adept lover. BUT...there are one or two things that H does that he's better at, and I have not told that to OM. I will, if OM ever asks those specific questions, but I don't volunteer anything. OM doesn't seem to have too much in the way of jealousy about me and H and our infrequent sex. He knows he keeps me far more satisfied than H does, so I guess he knows there's nothing to be jealous about.

I, on the other hand, don't talk with OM about him and his g/f in bed hardly ever. And he respects that. He knows it hurts my heart to think too much about that. They have a good sex life, I know that. And that, in and of itself, doesn't bother me, I'm glad he's happy at home, I really am. But nor do I want to know specifically what makes it so good, kwim?? lol!!!

Did this help?? :-)

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 10:17pm
Hi Pep,

I tend to think lucky may have been pretty spot on with these words...

"I think he may just have been wondering aloud, since you two have always been at ease with these discussions. Personally, I would take it to mean that he still needed more with W and he was 'spent' with you, but who knows if that's really it. And yeah, you're probably overthinking it just a tad ;-) but that's okay!"

As for MM and I... we don't have a lot of secrets... and I know that he has a pretty good sex life with his wife... and I'm not really bothered by that. I too have a reasonable sex life with DH... and I've not made this a secret from MM. It's just something we have between us... and I've said more than once as weird as it sounds... that I think it's good that we can discuss these things with each and not have to worry how the other is going to react to it. Sometimes we are serious and sometimes we have a little fun with it all.

As for comparing... like lucky... I too can not help it... MM is a much more generous lover than DH... and I have to say... just better all round. Again... I've made no secret of that and let MM know... of course I boost his ego... but I can also say that he's boosted my ego many a time too.

For a lot of woman these discussion are way off limits... but for me... I'm ok with it... and I feel that in many ways it brings us closer by having a certain understanding of things.

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 09-17-2003 - 11:41pm
Wow

Thanks Lucky and Sweet. It's nice to know I am not alone and that there really are people out there who feel EXACTLY like I do....and know how I feel. I guess I am over analyzing this but there are days I need too. There are also days I wish MM needed more from me and not his W. I like you find it hurts the heart to hear of his home sex life. I know it is very infrequent but when it does happen...it's good. I guess that would also explain my situation.

Now that the brain is working overload....would I rather be happy left wanting more???? Or happy being spent??????

lol lol

Always something to think about.

Thanks again.

pep11
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 10:28am
MM and his W have great sex too and it bothers me because I figure why go elsewhere? But they have other issues... And I think for him and maybe for your OM as well, it's not so much that something was lacking at home as that they developed feelings for someone else. I know in my own M, the sex was not good but everything else was perfect. But through my sexy conversations with MM, I was brought to life in a way I'd never known possible. He took away my inhibitions and suddenly I felt sexy and sexual in a way I never had, so at that point the sex in my M improved, odd though it sounds. Still, it's not the same. I'm usually imagining I'm with MM when I'm with M, and that can't be right! I know with MM it would be phenomenal and I think about that all the time. He's experienced and older and that's exciting. My point is, sometimes things aren't black and white in that your M is bad and your A is good. Sometimes it falls in the gray areas in between. It bothers me all the time, though, that his wife, who is very passionate in bed after YEARS of marriage and a kid, is obviously not enough so why would I think I would be? What if he left her for me and ended up wishing he hadn't? It's so much easier when their Ms stink! At least then you don't have as much to live up to!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2002
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 11:45am
I don't know. We never, ever compare partners. I would be horrified if I thought he was ever discussing our sex life with anyone, and vice versa, or if we ever brought up what sex is like with our spouses. How can you tell in words what truly happens during sex? If we demeaned sex to just physical sensation, we'd be missing the best part of it - the joy of being completely involved with another person.

Besides, how can you "compare" the sex between a married couple that's been together for decades and that between people who've been together for less than 2 years? If you have sex with someone new after years with the same person, it's completely different because you bring to sex whatever your experiences are up to that point - life experiences as well as sexual experiences. There is no comparison - it's apples and oranges.