MM's - W called me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
MM's - W called me
28
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 9:33am
OMG - this morning my MM W called me...left me a message saying she would like to talk to me. She said I know im not priority on your list but please call...its in piece...I would like to meet you or just talk to you. H knows im calling she said.

See last night I went to the casinos and I had several hangup calls and I called my MM and she never answers his phone this time she did and I asked for him and she said he was not in...im like thx. Anyhow at 1am she called and my sis answered the phone and she asked for me and said she and H would like to talk to me nothing bad. My sis said well she is gambling upstairs...and she said oh another thing my H lied to me about. According to MM she asked if I liked casinos and he said NO. OH WELL!!

Anyhow I did not call back obviously but did call my MM this morning and he said that everything was fine...that she just wants to meet me and he said well you have been given her crank calls y dont you ask her. She was like what do you mean..and he said I looked through ur phone u r harassing my friends and they think ur loony. She was like oh well you and her talk way too much...apparently she saw the cell bill...he was like im not going to lie we talk about 90% of the day...I enjoy talking to her. According to her she thinks we are friends..and she said well y dont u invite her to dinner he said she is my friend not yours.

Anyhow she has left me several messages this morning and would like me to call her back. Im so confused. MM said it was no big deal that she wants to get to know me...how come he likes me so much and she does not have any friends...he said im not going to put you in that position he was like tell her NO you dont want to meet her...I said I cant be rude like that...he said fine I will do it for you. I said I feel bad for her...he said I dont. I said well im not going to meet her but I guess I can talk to her on the phone. I mean what could she possibly have to say...IM NERVOUS.

-Sandy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 12:11pm
DEEPROSE...Thx

You should have seen the hang ups I mean it was unbelievable especially this past weekend I had gone out of town with him. He would tell her dont call me I dont want to talk to you and hang up..a minute later my phone would ring private#...then she would call him right back...did you try calling me...someone just did...IM LIKE PLS WOMAN...YOU JUST CALLED ME...my MM would say ahh NO I said I did not want to talk to you.

WHATEVER!!

Im sure she knows he is cheating on her but refuses to see it...you would have to be blind not to...what man goes out and comes home 1 or 2 am...and does not answer his phone when she calls 50million times. YOU WOULD HAVE TO BE TOTALLY BLIND NOT TO SEE THAT...at least I think!!

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 12:25pm
Are you going to talk to her if she calls back? I would love to be a fly on the wall in their house!!! You're right about her not wanting to 'admit' to the fact that he's having an affair, but it makes you wonder how naive someone can be doesn't it? When we were having our first affair in 91, it had ended, been a year or so and his wife confronted me. I lied of course, told her we were only friends, that as far as I knew he loved her very much. The whole time I thought, 'does she really believe this?' He's told me so many things even about the last time when he left her and I wonder 'what's wrong with her?' You just wonder where some people's line of commitment goes,,,,I'll just have to say, mine.....only goes so far. I'm 34 and am definitely not the 'girl' I was at 19/20 years old. I know that's SOOOOO hypocritical isn't it? Lol, but if "I" catch you cheating...it's out on your ass you go....lol. << I like "this me" alot better than the other one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 12:37pm
YOU ARE GREAT...WE SOUND ALOT ALIKE...

I know what you mean ur not the same one way back then...cuz I know I am not. I dont take any BS now. And see thats why I feel sorry for his W becuase I used to be like that...I am 28 now but have been through hell and back it seems like. She is 25 and they have known each other maybe 4yrs or 5 and she was his first...SHOCKER and sad becuase thats everything to her..it was to me way back when...My first MM was my first at that age and it crushed me how he did me so wrong...but it only made me a stronger woman and very independent.

What happened when she confronted you...I would deny it too...just becuase I would not want him to have any problems..its like I told him I will not fight for you I will back off anytime...as long as I am happy with you I will stay with you...but the time I see Im not getting enough of you...your out. I told him I will never ask you to leave her. I have too much going on myself to be comitted to him 24/7 which its seems like this anyways!! I work full time go to school full time and I have a son.

What did she say to you???

See with my first MM he went throught two W's I never got confronted with them...this one I have been with him since March...g/f has done her homework!! and the others were evil..this one is very nice...

What should I say??? I would love your advise???





iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 12:50pm
SANDY -

To answer your question . . . I did know MM's W prior to our EMA beginning. However, I knew MM first, and we were pretty good friends before I ever met his W. MM and I both belong to am orgnaization that meets frequently so we were thrown together a lot in the evenings. Most everyone in this organization maintains friendships with one another outside of the group meetings, also.

MM's W and I work only a few streets apart in the same city, and since she does not have a lot of female friends, MM asked me if I would try to have lunch with her and get to know her. We have had lunch several times, and always have a good time together. At this point MM and I weren't involved so it wasn't a big deal.

I didn't think his W was on to us, actually I still don't think she is, since she knows my DH and and knows that I am very happy with my DH. However, MM informed me this morning that during a few recent fights (they fight CONSTANTLY), his W has made a few bitchy remarks like "you're always talking to her!" Which is not true, she's just's very insecure and needy.

Who knows somedays?!

Emmy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 1:08pm
emmy, sorry to jump in here between you and sandy, but your situation sounds so much like mine because i work in the same city as W and we have had lunch together and the four of us are friendly. MM and i were talking on the phone a couple of weeks ago and he was pissed about something. i asked what he was upset about. he blew it off for a bit, but then said he might as well tell me. seems W has been saying things to him like, she knows if he wasn't with her, he would be with me or that she believes he really cares for me on a deeper level than friends, but she can't prove it, that kind of stuff. i didn't tell MM but i decided right then to pull back a little bit in the social scene and made excuses to not get together with them together or her alone. talk about insecure and needy, but MM doesn't care much because he just shrugs her remarks off and gives no replies.

of course, W NEVER says anything to me, just acts like everything's okay between us. but i've definitely pulled back from her and haven't done anything together lately. but tonight she's having a birthday party for him and BF and i will be there. oh boy, can't wait for that, lol.....

in fact he just called to say he can't wait to see me tonight and to thank me for making his birthday "special." he said he must have had 10 phone calls to wish him a happy birthday, but being with me was all that he wanted on his special day. even W's phone call (why didn't she wish him a happy birthday before leaving for work!!) went unappreciated. gosh, they just celebrated an anniversary a month ago and both of them forgot about it! i couldn't live with sooo much disinterest. most of the reason why i left my marriage too.

anyway, just wanted to say to have a great weekend,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 3:21pm
WOW - OK thx....

I dont know if I could do that...I would want to...and maybe after we talk...its like the saying goes keep ur enemies close!!!

So you knew her prior to you having an A so it must have been somewhat easier...but does it not get to you when she talks about him...or does she???

Just curious...only asking but do not have to answer...thx for ur input.

Sandy

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 4:11pm
We really do sound alot alike don't we? I feel like I've been through hell myself at times and yeah I used to really take alot of sh**, that I can't believe now I ever did. It's like I'm a completely different person and that affair is what changed alot of things for me back in 91.

To be honest I too was 'almost' feeling sorry for her myself!! But...the reason he does her like that is because she allows it. It's sorta the same way with my MM wife, although I KNOW she's not that bad. She's so extremely jealous of him though, I wonder at times if she wouldn't kill me if she knew everything...lol. << That isn't all that funny I know. Anyway, the thing about it is if you allow yourself to be treated like that by anyone, they will continue to do and have no amount of respect for you in return. I put my foot down around here "whenever" I have to and my H knows I'm not fooling. I don't know why people can't see that sometimes, it's like...I don't want someone I can push around and do whatever to...I want someone at times to stand up to me as well as beside me << this one here doesn't want a pu*** whipped man and I think most men are pretty much the same way. I learned all this the hard way though.

His wife worked at a grocery store and she waited on me outside after I checked out one day. (yeah I was thinking,, here goes) I knew something was up, even though we had quit seeing one another months before and I hadn't talked to him in forever at that time. When I walked out, she point blank asked me if I was seeing him and I dropped my jaw in disbelief and said "No...why???" lol, she said that someone had told (a girl that was working with her at the time, that had changed stores..used to work with us (me & MM) Anyways, I told her no way...and then she preceded to tell me that if she ever found out she'd leave him with nothing but the shirt on his back, and he wouldn't have his child, etc. blah, blah, blah. I remember feeling sorry for her though even though I thought she was going to hit me once or twice. Her voice started cracking and I thought she was going to cry << see I have a heart too..lol, Anyway...here's the real kicker. My husband was sitting in the car not even 20 feet away and though he couldn't 'hear' what she said, he knew something was up. He had knew about the affair, and by this point in our relationship I had pretty much confessed most of it to him anyway. (Remember, we had broken up and had since gotten back together). When I got to the car and told him that she had confronted me, it pissed him off so bad that when we got back home...he picked the phone up and called her. He told her he didn't appreciate her even asking me anything about it and that she needed to talk to her own husband. (I was sitting on the couch, shaking at this point) He told her that she and I had to communicate with one another (she being at the store and my being at the bank) and that he was sick of her giving me a hard time on my job, etc. He never came out and told her anything about the affair...per say, but I remember him saying "You haven't done anything to deserve all of this" etc., which I thought was sort of a clue. He then asked to speak to MM and he told him off pretty well also. I remembered feeling as low as I could possibly feel at that point, thinking well "here I am being defended by the man I left and cheated on" << how awful is that? Still,,,what do I do today??? Doesn't make sense does it, but I swear I'm gonna keep doing it...lol. I feel like a terrible person at times....then I get over it..lol.

I'm like you, I'd never tell anything though I would like to still kick her square in her a**...lol. Of course, if she was harrassing the crap out of me like your MM wife seems to be doing, I don't know what I'd do?? If she keeps calling, you're bound to have to talk to her sometime or another...but personally....I wouldn't ever try to be her friend. That's just me, I can lie REALLY well...but that would really try me, know what I mean? Just keep denying it, that what she wants to hear anyway, right? I mean, just like me and you and my MM wife, she DOESN'T WANT TO KNOW the truth, she's at a point right now anyway...that would it matter??? Would she leave? Evidently not, so why even admit to anything. BUT...I think if it were me, he would have to do SOMETHING about her crazy a**. Geez, she's driving me crazy and not even calling me...lol.

Do you use AIM or anything?

ARH



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 4:55pm
I TALKED TO HER SHE CALLED OMG...SHE APOLOGIZED BLABLABLA...AND WANTS TO MEET ME...SHE JUST SAID SHE WAS SORRY FOR CALLING AND HANGING UP...BUT SHE JUST THOUGHT THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AND SORRY FOR THINKING WRONG OF ME...NOT ONCE DID SHE ASK THOUGH.

I HAVE YAHOO MESSENGER DO U...IM TXSandy_98....

OMG I JUST WANNA CRY AS STRONG AS I TRY TO GET AT TIMES...THE THING THAT GOT TO ME...WAS NOT HER CALLING IS WHAT SHE SAID AT THE END...THEY ARE LOOKING FOR HOUSES...THEY WENT LAST NIGHT TO LOOK...I WAS LIKE REALLY THATS GREAT...SINCE HE JUST GOT THE JOB...

SEE THIS IS THE STORY WHEN I FIRST MET MM HE WAS LOOKING FOR A HOUSE FOR THEM...THEN IT STOPPED...NOW THAT HE GOT HIRED ON FULL TIME...I ASKED HIM WAHT HAPPENED TO THE HOUSE SITUATION AND HE SAID OH WE NEED TO LOOK FOR ONE...IM LIKE WHAT...I SAID U GET A HOUSE IM LEAVING YOU THATS A BIG COMMITMENT...HE WAS LIKE U CANT EXPECT ME TO LIVE IN AN APARTMENT...IM LIKE NO IM NOT ASKING U TO DO ANYTHING...I SAID THATS UR CALL...

ANYHOW YESTERDAY HE TOLD ME HE WSA GOING SOMEWHERE WITH DAYNA AT 7 IM LIKE WHERE HE WAS LIKE I DONT KNOW SHE WONT SAY...IM LIKE THIS IS A WOMAN WHO CANT EVEN TAKE A DUMP WITHOUT LETTING U KNOW...I KNOW SHE DID NOT PLAN SOMETHING WITHOUT TELLING U...AND HE WAS LIKE WELL SHE DID AND DONT KNOW WHAT...SO WHEN I SAW HIM YESTERDAY EVENING HE WAS WITH ME AT 7 AND SHE WAS LOOKING FOR HIM..I WAS MAD...BECAUSE THE WHOLE HOUSE THING CROSSED MY MIND...AND I WAS MAD...SO TODAY HE ASKED ME IF I WAS BETTER AND ASKED ME ABOUT YESTERDAY AND I TOLD HIM..WHAT DID U DO LAST NIGHT WITH DAYNA HE SAID NOTHIGN I GOT MAD AND WE DID NOT DO WHAT WE HAD TO DO OR WHAT SHE HAD PLANNED...IM LIKE OH OK...I SAID WELL THE REASON I WAS UPSET IS BECUASE I THOUGH U WERE GOING TO LOOK FOR HOUSES AND U DID NOT WANT TO TELL ME CUZ U KNOW THATS A TOUCHY SUBJECT...AND HE LAUGHED AND SAID BABY I WOULD NOT DO THAT...I HAVE BEEN HONEST WITH YOU RIGHT...STUPID A$$ ME SAID YES...WELL I THOUGHT TILL HIS WIFE TOLD ME THEY LOOKED AT HOUSES LAST NIGHT...

SO NOW...IM SO P1SSED HE LIED...I DONT TAKE THAT AT ALL TOO WELL....AND I DONT KNOW IF TO CONFRONT HIM OR TELL HIM TO F-OFF...OR JUST IGNORE HIS CALLS BECUASE U KNOW HE WILL BE WONDERING WHAT I TOLD HIS W....

HELP WHAT SHOULD I DO...AM I OVER REACTING????

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 08-01-2003 - 5:49pm
well, crap no, you aren't over-reacting...I don't think. She did that on purpose though, you know that right? I mean, at least that's what I think. Whether it was true or not...she wanted you to know, cause that IS a major thing! What has he told you, does he plan on leaving her or what? I guess all that depends on whether you have the 'right' to be pissed or not. I mean have you two discussed where your relationship is going? I'd be pissed too...whether or not I even had a right to be, I know I would. Anyways, why in the heck does she want to meet you????? Who's gonna be there????? I wouldn't 'meet' her anywheres, I'd just tell her...look, I've told you nothing is going on with me and your husband, we're just friends, being friends with him doesn't mean I have to be friends with you. << I know that sounds crude, but geez, what's with her? You don't want to be friends with her do you?? << I guess I should've asked that first, I know I wouldn't though.

Do you really think he's lying? about the house thing? He may not be, she may have done that on purpose, I mean I would have, wouldn't you??

I'm registered at yahoo, just haven't downloaded the messenger on my new computer, I'll do that later... I'm prettyribbons4u there also.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 4:21am
I don't want to be the voice of doom here, but I'd be careful and a little bit suspect of this whole situation. It just sounds odd the way she said she'd like to meet you and your MM told you it was no big deal, that she just wants to get to know you. If she's not mad as hell because she suspecte he's cheating, then what does she want?

Are you sure the pair of them aren't just playing you and setting you up for a little 'menage a trois' or something? It all sounds suspect to me.