money, money, money

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
money, money, money
14
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 9:51pm
I've been wondering how many of you get any financial help from your MM, in any form, shopping, vacations, help if needed.... do you feel sometimes it fills the gap of your MM being not fully available? Hmmmm....what if you could barely make both ends meet while he's very well off? Would it bother you at all? Be honest ladies :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 11:32pm
No! It wouldn't bother me at all. If financially assistance is offered, occasionally, it may be done so out of genuine care and concern, but if it's expected then that's a whole other ball game! And, personally, I wouldn't take the money even if it was offered. If someone is looking for their MM to support, or prop them up, financially then they're in the relationship for the wrong reasons. And the reason has more to do with wanting a meal ticket than anything else.

If you were dating a single man who was "very well off" would you expect him to provide financial support?

And how can money ever "fill the gap of your MM not being fully available"? You knew at the outset that he was married and not fully available! If what you want is someone who is 'fully available' then end the relationship with MM and find someone who can be fully available.

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 11:53am
My MM supports me financially in many ways. Yes... in some ways, i know he buys me things so he can make up for not being here all the time. Not because i expect him to be here all the time, but because we are in love and wish we could spend more time together. So he may not have alot of extra time, but he has extra money, and he choses to help me out with it.

He buys me all my groceries and gives me gas money, and he's always there for a loan or a few bucks. i think it's mostly just out of love. i mean, if i had money, and i loved someone who was struggling, i may not give them everything, but i certainly would help a little where i could. i don't "expect" him to do anything, anything he does he does because he loves me and wnats my life to be a little easier.

i think it's kind of a typical way for guys to express themselves and their love.

JMHO

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 12:59pm
I've never ever expected anything from my MM. I love this man dearly and I know that he loves me too. Yes, he does help me financilly. Basicly I do struggle to pay off my student loan and have medical bills from the time I didn't have any med insurance...even with that when he offered he'd help me till I'll pay these off. I didn't want him to do that. Once he got very upset over me not wanting to take money for my rent....He literally begged me to take it saying it would make him very happy knowing it would help me.

He did make my life easier and I appreciate his help a lot. I love this man and I know this comes from the bottom of his heart. He's a wonderful man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 2:46pm
I know my MM would do anything under the sun for me but I don't think I would be able to accept any help like that from him.We may be involved in an A but some things are better kept separate. JMHO

Later

SB

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 8:25pm

The only money I would accept from MM would be for lunch or a drink... we both have families to support... and we are about the same money wise... although being that his wife works part time and their parents care for the kids... they would be slightly better off that DH and I.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 8:43pm
my MM just likes to give me $$. He loves to think he is helping "take care of" me. It's just part of our relationship. i am newly seperated and most of the time i truly need his help, ie, i have nothing in the bank. He doesn't give me a ton. Some money for clothes for work, some money as a "surprise" here and there, groceries, gas. But it truly does help me and allows me to not be worried sick about money. i mean if you love someone, what's a few bucks??

that being said, i think if it were a FWB's situation, i would be much less willing to accept. i think every relatinoship is just very different.

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 03-14-2004 - 9:05pm

that's the thing Jen... everyone's relationship is different! really... in reality... the only thing we all have in common is that we are either married or seeing someone who is married... and that we want a little support and understanding from one another.


In your circumstances... it truly sounds like MM just wants to help out a little... he doesn't over do it.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:22am
My affair started with a MM but now he is going through the divorce process.

I didn't get with him because of the money, but what sucks is how much money the wife is getting now. She makes about $60,000 on her own, but now gets about an extra $2500/month in child support and he pays for every expense the children want and need. I agree with it and believe that he should pay for them, but on top of the child support she gets the big house, the new car, and half of all of his savings. And let me tell you she is taking him to the cleaners. Mostly because she found out about me. I think he is willing to give her everything just to be rid of her. We are planning to start a life together, but will be paying her a few more years so that makes money tight for us. I think the children are worth the money. That's not the problem. The problem is that "she has to live the life that she is accustomed to" according to the lawyer. So I think $60,000 + $2500/month + the house + the car is pretty comfortable. But now she gets his savings, which is a lot. He's 43 and was planning retirement in 5 years. And he is not living the life he is accustomed to right now. A little dinky house, an old car and now a lot of debt. Doesn't seem fair.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 8:14am

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 8:31am
carinka, money doesn't bother me one way or other with OM. I think its all about wanting to share the money, how much ever you have, with a partner that counts and in relationships like this with the OM, whatever is given out of care or love should be accepted and RECIPROCATED, if possible. I don't make OM pay for everything I chip in too. I don't believe in the man doing all things and women taking it from him. If it not possible, that is different case , but if you can contribute in anyway to dinners (or motels) I think you should. Just my 2 cents.

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