Is monogamy over-rated?
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Is monogamy over-rated?
| Mon, 10-05-2009 - 2:44pm |
Can people actually be monogamous? Is honesty the best policy? Does telling a lie and having a secret affair spare the other person's feelings? Is it the excitement of not getting caught or having power over someone who doesn't know?
I have been cheated on in all of my relationships.

I'm probably in for it here, but here goes. Don't know about others but I know I am really not capable of being monogamous for any length of time. I started cheating in h.s. then in my 1st M. Now in my 2nd M I have 3 AP. I got caught in the first M and am now alot more careful. For me it's just the excitement. I just have to have things going all the time. I know most of the girls on here in their A's have their hearts all tied up in it, the way I was in my first M, but I avoid that and keep it strictly in the fun zone. Just my .02
-jana
Hmmm... well you have raised some interesting questions.
Can people actually be monogamous?
Hi chilistar,
Can people actually be monogamous? I believe its possible, I agree with allismom, when she says it depends on the person and if they are fulfilled in their current R.
Is honesty the best policy? I also wish everyone was honest. but some arent and in these situations, it's very hard to be even when someone is usually an honest person. I think we should be as honest as possible.
Does telling a lie and having a secret affair spare the other person's feelings?
I guess to a point people are spared. But if the A is discovered, the hurt and betrayal I'm sure is horrendous. So, I guess it depends on if the A is discovered.
Is it the excitement of not getting caught or having power over someone who doesn't know? I never looked or felt this
Hmm here is my 2cents worth
Can people actually be monogamous? Yes I think so! I was for a long time.
Is honesty the best policy? - I think so but it doesn't always work or happen no matter who you are.
Does telling a lie and having a secret affair spare the other person's feelings? - GOD I wish it did but no it doesn't. Does it make me feel better, yes it does actually but is it going to be less hurtful when I tell H, probably not.
Is it the excitement of not getting caught or having power over someone who doesn't know? - No for me it's not about the power, I am the one with my heart all tied up in it!
I have been cheated on in all of my relationships. I started an affair and it's soul-destroying. I just want to find a monogamous relationship, but I don't think it exists. My AP has other APs and has never been monogamous. Is this the cycle? - No I don't think so. I hope that I can find someone who I love and who loves me and we can make it work.
M
Can people actually be monogamous? I think they can, I was for 12 years.
Is honesty the best policy? depends on the situation, for the most part, in a good relationship, honesty is the best policy. I am honest with my partner, he is honest with me. Sometimes, we need the time and space for that honesty to come out, but it always comes out in a timely fashion.
Does telling a lie and having a secret affair spare the other person's feelings? I think it spares the other person's feelings, unless/until, of course, d-day, then it's worse all the way around. But can you really look at your spouse and say "gee, dear, I'm screwing this other guy and it's really great, ok?!"
Is it the excitement of not getting caught or having power over someone who doesn't know? My A wasn't about power over him not knowing
Hi Chillistar,
I believe that yes, people can be monogamous. It is up to the person. And yes, it depends on their relationship and how good and fullfilling it is. But having said that, it also depends on the person's moral and ethical code. Some people decide to leave a bad relationship while others choose (consciously or uncosciously) to cheat as a technique of dealing with the unpleasantness. I am including myself in this second category. Also, once you have crossed the line and had an A, it is EXTREMELY difficult to go back to being monogamous.
In regards to honesty, no i don't think honesty is always the best policy and sometimes we do need to lie. But if you want to have a successful and genuine relationship, honesty is the only way to go.
Sunshine
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These are very interesting responses.
I didn't realize how common affairs are and the different reasons people get caught up in them. It helps knowing I'm not alone, but my faith in monogamy is in serious doubt.
I pray for the day that a partner will be faithful to me and I can respond in the same way, but it just doesn't seem realistic.
I have serious doubts about monogamy as well.
I don't think monogamy is easy, but I definately don't think it's over-rated.
I wonder if being monogamous is related to whether or not we can find someone that is everything to us.