Am very interested in this, too! I'm in a similar situation, both AP and I are in the process of splitting up with our spouses (both marriages were doomed, A or no A, though admittedly the A has helped things along). I think I've seen a couple of posts from people who've ended up in good relationships with their APs. Would love to hear from them.
Yes, there are people here who are in a real life R with their former APs. It's a very small percentage of As that end up this way, but it does happen.
There are also people here who were in a real life R with their APs for some time when the former AP STILL went back to the W - even after a divorce, even after living with the AP for awhile. So what appears to be a happy ending isn't always a happy ending after all.
There was one person on the AAS board (I lurk there, I think her name was Espousa and I often wonder if she's OK) who was MARRIED to her former AP, and he went back to his family! So it can go that far and then turn into a "horrible warning" rather than a "happy ending".
There are statistics that say that 80% of people who leave their marrigaes "for someone else" regret it 5 years down the line, so there are lots of people MARRIED to their former APs who are silently regretting it 5 years later, whether it's expressed or not.
Of course, where do they get these stats? Who knows if they're accurate.
If there's love, and you've already both started the process of leaving Ms to be together, you will risk it and beat the statistics and be happy. You have to believe that to make that leap of faith. It's possible, just hold on to that. For people who have NOT started that process, or one has and one hasn't, I'm not very optimistic. Saying you'll leave a marriage is not the same as doing so - and it seems from reading here that it isn't followed through on very often. But if you both have started that process, I think chances are much better that you might be one of the "happy endings". :-)
While I well always hesitate to use myself as a shining example of a success story (no better way to set myself up for a big fall, huh?) but I feel you might see hope in me.
MASAlterego
www.nicegirllikeme.blogspot.com
Yes, there are people here who are in a real life R with their former APs. It's a very small percentage of As that end up this way, but it does happen.
There are also people here who were in a real life R with their APs for some time when the former AP STILL went back to the W - even after a divorce, even after living with the AP for awhile. So what appears to be a happy ending isn't always a happy ending after all.
There was one person on the AAS board (I lurk there, I think her name was Espousa and I often wonder if she's OK) who was MARRIED to her former AP, and he went back to his family! So it can go that far and then turn into a "horrible warning" rather than a "happy ending".
There are statistics that say that 80% of people who leave their marrigaes "for someone else" regret it 5 years down the line, so there are lots of people MARRIED to their former APs who are silently regretting it 5 years later, whether it's expressed or not.
Of course, where do they get these stats? Who knows if they're accurate.
If there's love, and you've already both started the process of leaving Ms to be together, you will risk it and beat the statistics and be happy. You have to believe that to make that leap of faith. It's possible, just hold on to that. For people who have NOT started that process, or one has and one hasn't, I'm not very optimistic. Saying you'll leave a marriage is not the same as doing so - and it seems from reading here that it isn't followed through on very often. But if you both have started that process, I think chances are much better that you might be one of the "happy endings". :-)
Edited 6/1/2009 8:23 am ET by lexione
You've got a lot of choices. I
While I well always hesitate to use myself as a shining example of a success story (no better way to set myself up for a big fall, huh?) but I feel you might see hope in me.
I am recently married to my former AP.
Congrats Btrue ! So happy for you. You are one strong woman and I wish you a lot of happiness ! (((hugs)))