more on my situation...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
more on my situation...
2
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 8:43am
This is our second time embarking on an affair. The first time was when I was single and continued my relationship with him even after he got married. We had been high school sweethearts, and had an on again off again relationship for four years before he met the woman he eventually married. We would still see each other when he visited for holidays and would talk occasionally on the phone. It seemed we had this connection that kept us reaching out to each other. When I got married myself, I decided to end it.

Since being back in touch with him, we've only had phone conversations and me writing him letters. We haven't seen each other in over three years, before I got married and ended our then affair. Now we're takling about getting together in November and I'm freaking out because I've had two children since then and, needless to say, I'm not exactly in the same shape I was back then. Of course, he's stated that he doesn't expect me to look the same, yet he keeps bringing up the old days when I was all skinny and cute. And that, of course, makes me a little self concious and I've been working out like a mad woman ever since.

It's weird because part of our connection has always been that I was always so comfortable and free with him and I'm hoping it won't feel different this time. And also, my seeing him again after all this time will probably totally mess with my head. I aready think of him all day. So, how do I keep myself grounded and not lose sight of things? I mean, I think it's safe to say that our time has passed as far as having a serious one on one relationship (except for maybe later on in life when our children are grown and we're old and gray) but I can't help but wonder what could have been.

Man oh man!

T.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 9:01am
I posted this before, but there was a story on Dateline once about people reuniting with lost loves and they found that the people still saw each other as they were when they first fell in love, even when they'd put on 40 pounds and lost their hair, etc. When you fall in love with someone, you tend not to see their flaws which is how 70 pounds crept up on me after marriage and my H didn't mind (weight I've since lost on Weight Watchers). MM was in tip-top shape last May when we started this flirtation -- at the slimmest he's ever been. But about a month and a half ago I started noticing he wasn't as fit as he was a few months ago and he admitted he'd put on 10 pounds over the summer. I have a feeling he's probably going to eventually creep back up to the weight he was most of his life until a year or two ago (he lost a bunch of weight too) but I don't think it will matter. As long as he looks at me with that passion and love in his eyes, he could be 400 pounds for all I cared. It's not the looks you fell in love with...it's the heart and soul.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
Thu, 09-18-2003 - 9:06am
That is an interesting way of looking at it. It's like, even though he's described to me what he looks like now, how he's wearing his hair, etc., I keep seeing him as the last time I saw him. I just can't imagine him the way he is now. And vice versa. I told him that I'm not the petite thing he remembers, but he keeps telling me how beautiful he knows I still am.