Yes, she needs to do a lot more research and contact a NY attorney - in the year 2008, New York courts don't care if you cheat unless someone is going to use it as a ground for divorce. And in that case, adultery has to be PROVEN and they don't take the cheating spouses word for it even if the cheating spouse *admits* to it. Adultery is rarely used in NY.
And for those of you who are wondering why I'm talking about NY --- the OP has states her AP lives in a state that does not have no-fault . . . that means he lives in New York.
I am fully aware of the various grounds for divorce.
Regardless, he's STILL BSing you. Call an attorney and you'll see that what he said is a load of BS. He's making excuses - excuses that are very typical of the MM.
The OP may have seen my now deleted comment about the mother-in-law --- I wrote (then edited out) that I wouldn't be surprised if the MIL was still alive and kickin.
The OP needs to go over to the "After the Affair" board and post everything she wrote here over there and then she'll see that 20 other woman will chime in saying that they were told the same exact line of bull from their now EX affair partners. The talking to lawyers, the going to therapy, the loveless marriage, the fear of losing the kids, they're soulmates . . . all the same BS.
The guy's known her for a few months, they don't even live in the same state and he's going to leave his wife? He's going to have "distractions" for years to come and she'll be waiting.
OK - I was pretty much gonna stay out of this fray - but nah - i'll jump in for a second.
You are right - on AAS - there will be many that might say just what you are saying - HOWEVER - there are several regular posters there (including myself) - who HAVE stayed the course - and HAVE ended up in a RL out in the open - R with our former APs.
I know you of all people know that if there's a will, there's a way.
But as far as the OP's situation, she is indeed being fed a line of bull --- unless of course that "lawyer" of his knows something every lawyer in NY doesn't know.
I just want to correct something you keep repeating. You haven't put your relationship on hold - you said you still communicate every day. The only thing on hold, which is typical in affairs, are his "plans" to leave his wife.
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Read this:
A fault divorce may be granted when the required grounds are present and at least one spouse asks that the divorce be granted on the grounds of fault.
The traditional fault grounds are:
Why choose a fault divorce? Some people don't want to wait out the period of separation required by their state's law for a no fault divorce.
Yes, she needs to do a lot more research and contact a NY attorney - in the year 2008, New York courts don't care if you cheat unless someone is going to use it as a ground for divorce. And in that case, adultery has to be PROVEN and they don't take the cheating spouses word for it even if the cheating spouse *admits* to it. Adultery is rarely used in NY.
And for those of you who are wondering why I'm talking about NY --- the OP has states her AP lives in a state that does not have no-fault . . . that means he lives in New York.
I am fully aware of the various grounds for divorce.
Regardless, he's STILL BSing you. Call an attorney and you'll see that what he said is a load of BS. He's making excuses - excuses that are very typical of the MM.
Edited 2/22/2009 4:31 pm ET by longisland2004
The OP may have seen my now deleted comment about the mother-in-law --- I wrote (then edited out) that I wouldn't be surprised if the MIL was still alive and kickin.
The OP needs to go over to the "After the Affair" board and post everything she wrote here over there and then she'll see that 20 other woman will chime in saying that they were told the same exact line of bull from their now EX affair partners. The talking to lawyers, the going to therapy, the loveless marriage, the fear of losing the kids, they're soulmates . . . all the same BS.
The guy's known her for a few months, they don't even live in the same state and he's going to leave his wife? He's going to have "distractions" for years to come and she'll be waiting.
Edited 2/22/2009 4:42 pm ET by longisland2004
OF COURSE I AM A SECRE--And he certainly intends to keep it that way.
OK - I was pretty much gonna stay out of this fray - but nah - i'll jump in for a second.
You are right - on AAS - there will be many that might say just what you are saying - HOWEVER - there are several regular posters there (including myself) - who HAVE stayed the course - and HAVE ended up in a RL out in the open - R with our former APs.
I know you of all people know that if there's a will, there's a way.
But as far as the OP's situation, she is indeed being fed a line of bull --- unless of course that "lawyer" of his knows something every lawyer in NY doesn't know.
Edited 2/22/2009 5:19 pm ET by longisland2004
Edited 2/22/2009 5:20 pm ET by longisland2004
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