Moving to ending affair support board

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Moving to ending affair support board
8
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 11:52am
I want to Thank all of you for your help, great words of wisdom and understanding. But I just can't take it anymore. I can't handle the guilt that I am feeling and the overwhelming sadness within me that I betrayed my best friend. I can't believe it was me the super mom, the wonderful loving devoted wife, the loyal friend to all, that did this. I am having a really hard time not breaking down and I know that this A must stop now. My OM has no idea that I have come to this conclusion and honestly I don't think he will care much. I have deleted him from IM, and I plan on not phoning him in the near future. I can't say that I will never phone him again because we were are are good friends. But I have to stay away from him, the sexual tension between the two of us is too strong for me to resist, so that's it I have to seperate myself.

This A was coming in between me and my kids, my H of course, my job and my friends. I would ignore my kids just to talk to him on the phone, I jeopordized my job by having IC with him at our place of business (nevermind he's superior to me), and I would not call my friends back just in case he would call. And the hurt that I have done to my H is too unbearable for me to even think about. I haven't told him nor do I plan on telling him, but I just feel that his "soul" knows and it won't forgive me. I goto bed every night apologizing to him in my head and usually within that same time frame he rolls over and gives me a hug. I just can't do it anymore.

I will miss the passionate phone calls, the knowing that someone out there really wants to have sex with me, the thrill of the chase, the catch and the joy of the sex, but it's not worth it to me anymore.

Anyways, I am outa here, I maybe back, can never say never, but I really wanted to thank you all out there!!! You are a great bunch of women and don't let anyone out there tell you otherwise! I sincerely love you all,

Happy

P.S Cowboy...why don't ya join me over on the other board sometime :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:05pm
deleted


Edited 3/10/2004 5:00 pm ET ET by geek_chic
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:06pm
happydays, i hope your heart heals up nicely!

we'll miss ya here. stop in sometime and let us know you're okay. be strong and kind to yourself, you're doing the best thing for you and your family. take strengh from that act.

be well honey!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:11pm
Happy, please don't be so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. None of us are perfect. Move on but please forgive yourself. I don't know how I got where I am either. I am a good person and I can't believe I am doing what I'm doing. But I believe most of us here are good people. We just get a little lost along the way. Good Luck to you. To forgive is divine. Even forgiving ourselves.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:11pm
Hang in there! The Ending An Affair board is GREAT!! The support there is just as wonderful as the support here. You are already well on your way by deleting him from your IM etc. Good for you! I am sure I will see you there shortly!

~Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:34pm
I don't even know you and I'm so very proud and happy for you. You said some very thoughtful, smart things! Know you're doing the right thing even if it hurts like hell. Hold you head high, roll with tide, and find peace. Good luck to you and lots of love. Keep maintaining! Your husband and family are VERY fortunate to have you, know that!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:41pm
I wish you the best of luck, Happy. The women over on the Ending board will be VERY helpful to you. They are a warm, supportive group and I have a lot of comfort in knowing that when/if the time comes that I need them, they will be there for me. I have a great deal of respect for you for having the strength to pull yourself out of this. Just know this will get easier with time... Find that inner strength inside yourself and just keep moving forward, no matter what.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 12:46pm
I wish you the very best, my unknown internet friend! Depending on the answers I get (or don't get) in the next few days, I may be joining you there, too. I think all of us, to some extent, are in the same boat you are, i.e. ignoring family & friends for OM/MM, and what do we get out of it? I read a quote yesterday about guilt, though, that I'd like to share with you. It said (and I'm paraphrasing here) "Guilt is a wasted emotion. You get nothing out of it and it doesn't do anything except to make you feel worse, so don't waste your time feeling guilty about anything." And that is true. What you're feeling. rather than guilt, is probabaly remorse. None of us has intentionally hurt anyone from our actions, nor would we want to. Hold your head up and remember that you are special, actually very special, to have had the love of 2 men, right? Don't feel bad for what happened, be happy because it did happen.

hugs,

Pony
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 10:53am
Oh Happy, yes I will see you there...you are doing the right thing girl! You know it too, because you are such a great person, wife, and mom. Please listen to the words of this song...Remember When by Alan Jackson. It will help you connect with you H even more. All couples cause each other hurt at one time or another. You will keep this secret, which will cause you the hurt, not your H. By doing that, you are continuing to be the good W that you want to be. You wanted a little excitement, there is no harm in that, you probably deserved it. We as wives and mothers put everyone first. At some point we have to do something for ourselves...maybe next time we should just go out and buy a designer purse instead...LOL! Yes, you ignored your kids for a while, but you didn't damage them in anyway. They are fine and you can pick up right where you left off. You still have your H, your kids, your comfy sofas, enjoy the holidays with all of them! Be kind to yourself. We are not being kind when we subject ourselves to what we have done lately...it's torture. You have the experience, it's what you wanted. You chased a man and got him because you are beautiful and fun. Your H and kids love you. You have it all, except inner peace, and this is what you need the most! It's a tough road ahead for us. You are not alone. Thank you for the support and help you have given me. It has been so wonderful to share our secrets. Never forget that night in the storage closet...you earned it...and you deserve to bring it up from your memory bank now and then. Keep in touch. Hugs to you Happy, C