Moving out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Moving out?
4
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 9:42pm

A question for those who are married:

Say that you are planning on leaving your marriage to be with your AP. How would you go about leaving your marriage?

Please describe in detail. For example, would you get a place to move to and then tell your H? Or would you tell your husband first, and then find a place to move? Would you tell your husband about your affair/AP? Or would you rather him not know to spare him the pain? Would you still keep your AP a secret after deciding you want a divorce?

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2009
In reply to: llostagain
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:30pm
Well the first time I filed for D and told my H. He hired a shady attorney along with her shady private investigators. AP and I were busted. Soo then H wanted to reconcile..I didn't have much choice. Well H has finally come to the conclusion that our marriage isn't working. He wants to go to marriage counseling to end our marriage more civily this time. My H works out of town 9 months out of the year soo moving out really isn't an option to me. I have to maintain our home. Now if he was here. I would tell him and move out. I would NEVER tell H about AP since we were already busted once. I filed for D..in my mind my marriage was over b/c my H has strayed outside of our M but he just wanted his cake and eat it too. I didn't file for D for AP. He was 3 months later. After my D is final I will not let my H know about AP or anyone. I would only let him know if the relationship was serious and I was going to live with that person. I feel I'd like to know the same since we do have children together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
In reply to: llostagain
Tue, 12-08-2009 - 10:34pm
I would not tell my H about AP. I would tell my H I am not happy and am wanting a divorce and am planning to move out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2009
In reply to: llostagain
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 11:24am
I wouldn't say anything to the H.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2009
In reply to: llostagain
Wed, 12-09-2009 - 2:46pm
If you were my wife and wanted to leave to be with your affair partner, you would need only tell me and I would be more than willing to HELP you with the move. The only requirement i would have would be that you tell me exactly why you wished to have the affair and and you would have to agree that the move would be of a permanent nature.
Face it. If the only reason you are having the affair is because your husband is failing to measure up to your expectations, wether it be his actions, or some physical desire, he isn't likely to either wish to make a change, or be able to do it.
At the same time, if you really think you are filling any or all needs of his while maintaining a 2nd relationship, you are fooling yourself.
Tell him, and it will be over faster than it takes for him to get a van to move you out.
My Own Opinion.