Moving from Physical EMA to Emotional
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 05-13-2004 - 3:15pm |
I have been a lurker on this board for over a year now and have only posted once or twice. I am coming out of “lurkdom”, not necessarily looking for an answer but more to just let some of this out that I have had to keep bottled up inside of me. Here is my story (in a nutshell):
MM and I have been involved for a little over a year now. I am in love with him. He has told me he loves me in the past, but hasn’t for a long time. Recently I told him, “You mean so much to me”, and he said “Same”. I think he has trouble expressing his emotions!
Anyway, he has always struggled with the A, ending it several times, but always coming back. He says when we are intimate it is hard for him to “perform” at home, and he feels guilty. When we reached the one-year mark in February, he became very determined to end the physical side of our relationship, although he said he wanted to continue to talk on the phone, but not as often as we had been (which was only once a week as he works in a job in which he is only available by cell phone and he’s afraid his W will notice the frequency and long duration of our calls on his bill).
Since then we have seen each other two times, both times intimately, the last being three weeks ago. As he was leaving the last time, he reaffirmed his desire to end the physical aspect of our relationship ("we have to") but again stated that he likes to talk to me and wants to continue to do so.
I have been struggling with not being able to see or talk to him like we used to. In fact, I have only been able to make it a little over a week before breaking down and calling him. I get very determined not to call, but then something happens and I break down and pick up the phone. I called him this morning and he was busy with work and not able to talk. When we hung up, I felt horrible. I started thinking that maybe I should just make a clean break, give him what he wants (which is obviously not this A), and not call him again. Sometimes I think the disappointment of him not having (or taking) the time to talk to me is worse than not being able to talk to him at all would be.
I guess I am just at a time when I am reconsidering where I want to be in this relationship. On the one hand, just the sound of his voice can make me happy for days, but on the other hand some little thing he says or does can have me feeling the lowest of lows. I am truly riding the EMA rollercoaster! Maybe it’s time to stop the ride and get off . . .
A friend of mine once told me that I overanalyze things “way too much”. Perhaps that’s what I’m doing here as well . . .
Thanks for letting me vent.
Kall03

I think he wants his cake and eat it too. It seems as if he comes back to you because he misses what you give him, but what you give him isn't enough to make him think of this in any other terms...other than just an A. To you, it sounds like it is much more emotional. You care for this guy, and he isn't giving back to you what you deserve. Of course, in an A, no one can give 100%...they still have lives that they are living (wives, children, etc). But, they can give all that they have if that person is the one who makes their heart melt...who excites them mentally and physically...
I hope you don't get hurt by my posting. I am so glad you came out of lurk-dom. Please keep posting and venting - that is what we are here for. I just can hear the hurt in your voice when you post...I hate that. Please don't ride this rollercoaster forever. Has he made any notions of YOUR future together? Or is he just living the moment, and loving having you there when he needs it? He sounds as if he is feeling a little guilty (about the physical nature of the relationship), but sounds still connected to you....almost as if he is frightened of losing you. I don't know if that is because deep down he really does love you and doesn't want to admit it, or if he just wants to keep you there as a 'safety net'.
Just be careful. Don't let yourself get hurt - you deserve so much more than tears. If he is something that is special to you, keep working on it. Stay strong. But, if he seems to make you upset more than happy, maybe it is time to change rides....
Personally, I like the ferris wheel. And the water rides :-)
Smile Kall, and hang in there.
FMH6
Thanks again. I am already starting to feel better by just being able to talk about it.
Kall03
A friend of mine once told me that I overanalyze things “way too much”. Perhaps that’s what I’m doing here as well . . . "
Kall- it's like looking in a mirror when I read this.