to much to handle

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
to much to handle
6
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 3:25pm

I am so hurt and confused right now. I am so in love with AP I have loved him longer than my DH. I have a young child w/dh and we have been married for 6yr. MY ap does not have kids nor is he in a relationship. We use to date in HS and stayed together until the first year of college. but then he left the country b/c his father was sick back home. I love him so much but after he left I started dating my Dh. we married after 2ys dating than 1 month later my ex came back and we have been seeing each other every since. I am living this double life.


I go with AP to family functions and everything every1 thinks we are going to get married and now he is asking me to choose. I don't know what to do b/c I love him so much but I love dh as well. For the past 6yr I had them both. This may be selfish but I want to keep it that way. my dh and I have great sex and often. but

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
In reply to: nene500
Thu, 08-21-2008 - 4:57pm

Nene -


First welcome to the board - I am so glad you found us.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
In reply to: nene500
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 9:40am

I wish I could get away for a while to think it over but

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2007
In reply to: nene500
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 10:16am

If you feel like you cannot choose, instead of thinking about which one you see yourself with in 5 years, which one do you believe you cannot live without? (Or rather, don't want to live without). Honestly, you really do have to choose. Not because its "the right thing" - there are, as Tiger said, many people out here who live that double life very happily. But because its what AP is asking of you. If you don't choose, he will leave. He's not saying that right now, but its inevitable, IMO.


One more thought. If they are both truly on equal footing in your eyes, my advice - and it is only that, and Tiger is right that only YOU can make this choice - but my advice would be to stay with the one with whom you have a child - H. Because you are not just choosing between two men here. Again, if you love them both equally and if they make you equally happy.


Whatever you choose, stick with it. And be sure you can live with it. To make a choice and then change your mind would be unthinkably hurtful to everyone involved. And remember that neither choice is going to be easy for you.


Hugs to you. And welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
In reply to: nene500
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 2:40pm

This may sound incredibly selfish but I know that

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2008
In reply to: nene500
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 3:39pm
You need to choose. You aren't being fair to anyone by keeping this up. Your child deserves all of his mother and you can't possibly be giving your child your all when you are in this type of situation. I can't advise you on what you "should" do, but I feel sure that your husband deserves more than a woman who loves another man more than him. I agree with a pp though that whatever you decide to do, you need to stick with it. If you decide to leave your marriage, then get on with it. The longer you keep this going, the harder it will be for everyone. If you decide to stay, you need to cut off all contact from your AP and focus only on your marriage. Please stop tearing your family up this way. There is no winner and the biggest loser will be your child.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
In reply to: nene500
Fri, 08-22-2008 - 8:24pm
Ouch ! Reading that hurt but you are right my H does deserve more than I am giving him.