Multiple married men

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Multiple married men
8
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 12:58am

I always wonder. why do SOME women get involved with one married man after the other? I am not flaming anyone cause I was involved in an emr which ended 17 years ago, (wow, long time now.) But i am curious. one would think that after suffering through the inconveniences and limitations of an emr, they would say that's it. i want my own man. i have had quite a few friends who have been involved in emr but after it ended, that was it. no more. they found other men who were single and some got married and had children. while some lived with someone. mind you, IT IS NOT EASY TO FIND A SINGLE MAN, TRUST ME ON THAT. but boy, the question i asked, baffles me.

I have a schoolmate, who i was close to when we attended school. she was involved with a married man, but that relationship ended a long time now. we lost touch so we are no longer close friends, but when i linked up with another schoolmate who i am still in touch with, she told me that the first schoolmate got involved with another married man. i was shocked. in fact,she(the second schoolmate) was criticising her. the first schoolmate is now living with someone and has a child. so she has found someone for herself.

i have a friend who is also my co-worker who is in a second emr. before she got involved with the first emr, she was involved with a man, who lived with his girlfriend at the time. the man and his girlfriend had children. she got involved in her first emr and after that finished, she got involved with another. she is currently in that relationship now.

After my first experience in an emr, i said i would NEVER get involved in an emr again. i can't deal with it. Too many limitations. i can't take the secrecy and all. any thoughts on this topic anyone?

k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 3:25am
I know that one time is enough for me. There is no way I could do this over and over again. but everyone is different. I told myself if things dont work out with AP this will definitely be the first and last time I get involved with a MM. It's just to painful and soul-destroying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 12:14pm

I guess this board really is turning into one for ppl opposed to A's - could be I'll have to take my business elsewhere. . . .

FWIW, I am in multiple A's and 2 of the 3 AP's are married. I am too. Juggling, complicated, yes. 'Soul destroying,' whatever that means, no. We all get what we need.

my .02

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2008
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 12:50pm

Jana, i am with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 1:31pm

Thx, ilu, looks like we're sisters under the skin :)

FWIW I never get confused either. Like you say they are very different. I act the same, I am completely honest and let the chips fall. Well, not honest with H obviously but that's part of having A's. Nobody's getting hurt and we all play by the same NSA FWB rules. Take care girl!

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 6:21pm

Jana, yes it looks that way :) im glad you posted.

~k
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 12:27am
No one is judging anybody. People just have different views.
k2002
k2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2009
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 1:08am

Some people, both genders, simply cannot live w/o some type of drama in their lives. Some people are codependent. Add those 2 character traits together and, well, there is your answer.


Then there are always the men and women that feel personally "empowered" by being able to score someone else's spouse. It becomes a game, a mission.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2008
Sun, 10-25-2009 - 12:18pm

k2002, i agree with you.