MW are a hot commodity for SM

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2009
MW are a hot commodity for SM
3
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 3:43pm

What are your thoughts and experiences about a SM and MM in an A?


Dating a MM seems ideal for a SM who doesn't want the commitment and whole package and expectations that comes with a SW.


I have a DH, and thought my A would

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 4:32pm

Yes I think some single guys think dating a MW would be ideal. If they don't want to commit, and they want someone who seems to be hot for them all the time, it might be what they think they want. However, this isn't a single sex opportunity. I've read articles about very busy, professional women dating MM for the same reason. They don't WANT a full time R, don't want to have to deal with his eccentricities or his dirty socks, don't want to have the responsibilities of a marriage or possible children down the line.

All relationships are different, all people are different, and while the situation might work for some, for others it is not what they expect and turns into something that definitely doesn't work anymore, if it ever did.

I think a lot of single men might have a more positive fantasy of what an A with a MW would be like. The reality ends up much different. If they start wanting their MW to be available for public things - even a simple dinner out - and that can't happen, I think they start to see the true scope of the R - and it can end up being too limiting.

But if your AP is pulling back if it seems like you actually might become available, maybe what you have now IS just what he wants. It doesn't mean all MW/SM A's are like that. Or maybe your SG is just getting a little worried about the pressure on your R if he thinks you're leaving for HIM. If you assure him that you're leaving for YOU, because you're unhappy, and you're better off even if you were to end up alone - that would relieve the pressure.

Anyway this is a good topic. Do some single people seek out married people for commitment free relationships?

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 4:38pm
Oh - I forgot to add my own experiences. I am a MW involved with a SG for 11 years. In many ways I DO think this situation suits him very well. It does relieve him of much responsibility. But if it works for both of us (and I've always said I would stay married) it's not a bad thing that it meets both of our needs. I think he feels the "lack" of many things. A couple of weeks ago I found out that his brother and I were in the same public place and I thought - how sad - I wouldn't know him and he wouldn't know me if we tripped over each other. Sure I've seen a couple of pictures... years ago... still wouldn't know him. And I've been intimately involved with his sibling for 11 years! You know, that's not normal, and it's sad. And it's just something those of us in an A have to accept as "normal" for the situation.

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 8:50pm


"...... He gets the best of me and DH gets the rest.

The SM doesn't have to commit emotionally or financially because the DH is obligated to do that... "

From your previous posts It seems you & SM have a good arrangement at present . But be extra-cautious . While your SM gets the best of you , You need to make sure that you are able to string your DH along & he fulfills all his obligations , until you are ready to dump him for SM .