I had an exit A with a SM that was 9 years my junior. We spent a lot of time together during the week and I would call him every Saturday morning on my way to the gym to make sure he didn't feel neglected. We also emailed regularly.
I was obscenely jealous of his singleness, lol :) There was a SW that was hitting on him regularly and I would go ballistic every time it happened. We talked a lot about it and he would go out of his way to make sure I was comfortable. I was the one who said ILU first so I was feeling pretty vulnerable that he would leave me for a SW. 8 months after meeting him I separated from my H. I continued dating him and we lived together for 2 years after my D. It didn't work out on a romantic level but to this day we are best of friends. It's an A that ended positively :)
As crazy as it sounds to people but i am a single man with a married woman. I have given my partner all the security she needs.I am an older man but in my hey days , i gave up dating.It was a huge decision,but i made it.
i am still very happy in my relationship.i realized that i had to have her in my life as my love.losing her forever was the only thing i couldnt face and still cant face.i am in it for more than 20 years and we were known to each other many years before that.
Its a commitment.someone can either make it or not,they can either deal with being single or not.My friends and family were the only people who would question my status and they accepted.have strangers ever mattered?
If you are not leaving your M then its how the guy deals with it matters.If he is constantly making you realize that he is single because of you ,etc etc. then he is making you guilty.Let him go.Love is about giving.the more you gave,more you get back but many realize when its gone and its too late.I made that mistake once.I couldnt deal with it in the begining but ultimately , i made a decision which i dont regret.best decision? for me.
I am very interested in your input because you are the man. What have you done to make your MW feel so secure? have you been in your affair with her for 20 yrs?
I'm a MW involved with a SM for 10 years now. He's always been single.
My perspective might be different than most people's, it seems. I've always felt, and let my OM know, that if he finds even a possibility of a real relationship, he should go for it. I've always told him I will never leave my M, so it would be unfair of me, I think, to think that he should be "satisfied" with an R with me and never expect anything more. There have been several times that a real R possibility came up for him, in the 10 years we've been involved. He was always honest about them and let me know that if it got serious he would be ending it with me. I know if the "real thing" shows up, he would not want to start it off with a "secret R" already there - not after he knew it would be serious anyway. In all cases the Rs did not work out, and they didn't get to a "serious" point. He would even ask me questions and ask for advice. Often I'd side with the women on situations - letting him know how women might feel given this or that.
I guess the question is - are you willing to leave your M? If not, how many years would you want your OM to be involved in a dead end situation? In my OM's case, he seems to be happy with what we have for the most part, and if he's not, he knows that I will be very happy for him if he finds a full time R. If he seemed unhappy or discontented, I think I would end the R to force him to move on. The thing is, I wouldn't want him looking at me in 10 years and thinking it was MY FAULT that he didn't have a family, a life partner.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
Like i said,i quit dating and i was very honest with her about telling her my decision.i knew she wasnt leaving her M,ever.I was M once but D when i met her.I didnt want to get M again,so i guess,this A was perfect for me.My friends and family know about her but havent met.they all tried to fix me up with other SW but i was not interested.they had to accept my decision.In this lay my happiness not theirs.they wanted my good but i realized sooner than later where my true happiness lay.It works for us.we are there for each other all the time.her one call and i move heaven and earth to be there for her and she for me.to be there for each other is what led us to where we are along with genuine love and care. I am selfish,i am crazy.i fell and fell hard.
lIke i said earlier,there should be no guilt on your part if the SM stays so for the rest of his life.its he who should be providing you the security,nothing to be done by you. i hope this helps and
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Hi hobbi,
I had an exit A with a SM that was 9 years my junior. We spent a lot of time together during the week and I would call him every Saturday morning on my way to the gym to make sure he didn't feel neglected. We also emailed regularly.
I was obscenely jealous of his singleness, lol :) There was a SW that was hitting on him regularly and I would go ballistic every time it happened. We talked a lot about it and he would go out of his way to make sure I was comfortable. I was the one who said ILU first so I was feeling pretty vulnerable that he would leave me for a SW. 8 months after meeting him I separated from my H. I continued dating him and we lived together for 2 years after my D. It didn't work out on a romantic level but to this day we are best of friends. It's an A that ended positively :)
hugs,
trixie
As crazy as it sounds to people but i am a single man with a married woman.
I have given my partner all the security she needs.I am an older man but in my hey days , i gave up dating.It was a huge decision,but i made it.
i am still very happy in my relationship.i realized that i had to have her in my life as my love.losing her forever was the only thing i couldnt face and still cant face.i am in it for more than 20 years and we were known to each other many years before that.
Its a commitment.someone can either make it or not,they can either deal with being single or not.My friends and family were the only people who would question my status and they accepted.have strangers ever mattered?
If you are not leaving your M then its how the guy deals with it matters.If he is constantly making you realize that he is single because of you ,etc etc. then he is making you guilty.Let him go.Love is about giving.the more you gave,more you get back but many realize when its gone and its too late.I made that mistake once.I couldnt deal with it in the begining but ultimately , i made a decision which i dont regret.best decision? for me.
God BLesS
Hobbi ~ I wish
Fullhalfquarter,
I am very interested in your input because you are the man. What have you done to make your MW feel so secure? have you been in your affair with her for 20 yrs?
Kinok,
Thats what I am afraid of..that he will tire of my not being able to be there for him, I'm only a partime partner
Im so sorry you are facing this. I'm afraid I will be too , at some time in the future.
I'm a MW involved with a SM for 10 years now. He's always been single.
My perspective might be different than most people's, it seems. I've always felt, and let my OM know, that if he finds even a possibility of a real relationship, he should go for it. I've always told him I will never leave my M, so it would be unfair of me, I think, to think that he should be "satisfied" with an R with me and never expect anything more. There have been several times that a real R possibility came up for him, in the 10 years we've been involved. He was always honest about them and let me know that if it got serious he would be ending it with me. I know if the "real thing" shows up, he would not want to start it off with a "secret R" already there - not after he knew it would be serious anyway. In all cases the Rs did not work out, and they didn't get to a "serious" point. He would even ask me questions and ask for advice. Often I'd side with the women on situations - letting him know how women might feel given this or that.
I guess the question is - are you willing to leave your M? If not, how many years would you want your OM to be involved in a dead end situation? In my OM's case, he seems to be happy with what we have for the most part, and if he's not, he knows that I will be very happy for him if he finds a full time R. If he seemed unhappy or discontented, I think I would end the R to force him to move on. The thing is, I wouldn't want him looking at me in 10 years and thinking it was MY FAULT that he didn't have a family, a life partner.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
Like i said,i quit dating and i was very honest with her about telling her my decision.i knew she wasnt leaving her M,ever.I was M once but D when i met her.I didnt want to get M again,so i guess,this A was perfect for me.My friends and family know about her but havent met.they all tried to fix me up with other SW but i was not interested.they had to accept my decision.In this lay my happiness not theirs.they wanted my good but i realized sooner than later where my true happiness lay.It works for us.we are there for each other all the time.her one call and i move heaven and earth to be there for her and she for me.to be there for each other is what led us to where we are along with genuine love and care.
I am selfish,i am crazy.i fell and fell hard.
lIke i said earlier,there should be no guilt on your part if the SM stays so for the rest of his life.its he who should be providing you the security,nothing to be done by you.
i hope this helps and
Hobbi~
How's it going?
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