not sure how to answer that. i guess its going ok. thought we had the kinks worked out but he went and did something he knew i would not like. i went crazy trying to text and call him but never got a reply that night. when i went to bed, i knew he was doing something ( no matter how harmless in his eyes) that I would not like, otherwsie he would have contacted me back. he has caused me to become more unsure instead of becoming more sure of him. i am giving him a chance to prove himself again, since he has given me a chance in the past to do the same thing. i guess I feel he deserves me giving him another chance, since he did it for me years back. time will tell.
Wow, Hobbi... I'm going to be completely honest with you here. I think you're being incredibly unfair. What exactly does he feel about this? Does he WANT to be able to do things and other SM would do? I think you're setting yourself up for him sneaking around on you...
Let me tell you from MY perspective. I'm a recently DW and have been with my AP for almost 4 years. He's still M and will always be M. We had a tough time when I first left my M with me being S and him still being M. He felt that since I was S that when he called, I jumped. That if I loved him so much, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. We had many a discussion about this. I felt trapped and controlled. It was NOT fun. I am now to a point where I would love to have a real R with someone that can be there when I need him. Not just when it's convenient to him. I've talked with
First, welcome. I am glad you have joined us here and are sharing your story.
Fallen gave you some pretty good advice. My first AP was newly divorced. I, of course, was still M with no intention of leaving my H (I was a cake-eater in that relationship and I did my share of truth-bending to get him to stay in my life). I wanted him to be faithful to me while I lived my life.
Then I found out that he wasn't. He WAS doing things other newly D men were doing. I was devastated, of course. I ended the relationship. In hindsight (which is 20/20), it is very easy to see that I was colossally unfair to both him and myself. He wasn't perfect, and I could tell you some stories about him, but that isn't the point of my posting.
It turns out that I *DID* set myself up for what I got. He felt he had no choice but to lie, because he wanted to live his life. He felt I was living mine and that he should be able to do the same.
Maybe you can do this without making the mistakes I did or without the reality I got. I hope so. I really do.
I have been seeing my SG for 10 yr. When we met he was going threw a divorce. Durning our affair he met someone and married again. I was hurt but i was married. We stayed in the affair. He divorced again last year. He told me he wouldnt date if i would come see him. Well that didnt last long. Its a year later and he has met someone. I was a mess. I cried for 3 days. I think about him all the time. But deep down i know i have no right to be mad. We could never really be together. I am 20 yrs older than him. He is only 37. I am sure he wants a family. The only thing that made me mad was. He ask me to come see him . I did . Then i find out by reading his myspace that he is in a relationship. I was so angry. That was wrong on all counts. I told him he can tell me if he starts dating. He for sure shouldnt have wanted sex knowning what he knew. He said he still wants to see me. I said no. He needs to work on his new relationship. Because of my affair my marriage is ruined. I dont desire sex with my hubby. The thought of never feeling the feelings i get when i am with him is killing me. I am so depressed. I will never have another affair. Somone always gets hurt. This time it was me. My hubby too i think. Today i am doing ok. I have accepted the fact its over. I need to delete all his pictures and emails. I cant find the strenght to do it yet. I feel i got what i deserve for being in an affair. What goes around comes around. Which means he has his coming.:)
hobbi...this is my 2cents...if you are wanting to be with him full time and talking about leaving your marriage to be with him, then both of you would want to decide if the A is exclusive.
I may have a different take on this. I am a MW, my AP of 4 months is single. I dated him before I was married, 18 years ago (we were too young and foolish to make it work).
It would break my heart, but also make me SO happy, if he found someone to stir his soul and share his life with. Although I love him with everything I am (always have), I would want him to find his happiness and enjoy his life, even if that meant I'd never see him again (the thought brings tears to my eyes). I encourage him to be with his friends and to be open to seeing other people (he says he is).
It's not that my jealousy isn't there (it's atrocious, actually), it's that I want him to be happy, first and foremost.
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not sure how to answer that. i guess its going ok. thought we had the kinks worked out but he went and did something he knew i would not like. i went crazy trying to text and call him but never got a reply that night. when i went to bed, i knew he was doing something ( no matter how harmless in his eyes) that I would not like, otherwsie he would have contacted me back. he has caused me to become more unsure instead of becoming more sure of him. i am giving him a chance to prove himself again, since he has given me a chance in the past to do the same thing. i guess I feel he deserves me giving him another chance, since he did it for me years back. time will tell.
Im sorry for your hurt. :(
Wow, Hobbi... I'm going to be completely honest with you here. I think you're being incredibly unfair. What exactly does he feel about this? Does he WANT to be able to do things and other SM would do? I think you're setting yourself up for him sneaking around on you...
Let me tell you from MY perspective. I'm a recently DW and have been with my AP for almost 4 years. He's still M and will always be M. We had a tough time when I first left my M with me being S and him still being M. He felt that since I was S that when he called, I jumped. That if I loved him so much, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. We had many a discussion about this. I felt trapped and controlled. It was NOT fun. I am now to a point where I would love to have a real R with someone that can be there when I need him. Not just when it's convenient to him. I've talked with
Hi Hobbi,
First, welcome. I am glad you have joined us here and are sharing your story.
Fallen gave you some pretty good advice. My first AP was newly divorced. I, of course, was still M with no intention of leaving my H (I was a cake-eater in that relationship and I did my share of truth-bending to get him to stay in my life). I wanted him to be faithful to me while I lived my life.
Then I found out that he wasn't. He WAS doing things other newly D men were doing. I was devastated, of course. I ended the relationship. In hindsight (which is 20/20), it is very easy to see that I was colossally unfair to both him and myself. He wasn't perfect, and I could tell you some stories about him, but that isn't the point of my posting.
It turns out that I *DID* set myself up for what I got. He felt he had no choice but to lie, because he wanted to live his life. He felt I was living mine and that he should be able to do the same.
Maybe you can do this without making the mistakes I did or without the reality I got. I hope so. I really do.
hobbi...this is my 2cents...if you are wanting to be with him full time and talking about leaving your marriage to be with him, then both of you would want to decide if the A is exclusive.
Fallen,
You make some good points. There is a big a difference between you and
I may have a different take on this. I am a MW, my AP of 4 months is single. I dated him before I was married, 18 years ago (we were too young and foolish to make it work).
It would break my heart, but also make me SO happy, if he found someone to stir his soul and share his life with. Although I love him with everything I am (always have), I would want him to find his happiness and enjoy his life, even if that meant I'd never see him again (the thought brings tears to my eyes). I encourage him to be with his friends and to be open to seeing other people (he says he is).
It's not that my jealousy isn't there (it's atrocious, actually), it's that I want him to be happy, first and foremost.
Val
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