MW, Pregnant, unsure of paternity
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MW, Pregnant, unsure of paternity
| Tue, 04-27-2010 - 3:03am |
So...do I win some sort of prize for have the most screwed up situation?
Well, let me give you the reader's digest version:
M for 14 years, H is a good guy, we have a dd, good life. Everything looks good on paper. For some reason, I am not happy with it. Went through a lot of guilt for not being happy. Basically, love my H but not in love. Also, we are from different cultures and I feel like I have given up more of mine to be with him. Miss my culture. I feel that I have changed, not my H is fault.
Reconnected w/AP on FaceBook(fb is evil. Stay away if you don't want to have an affair!). We dated briefly in H.S. He found me after almost 30 years. Started talking on phone last June, started affair last August. I got depressed because

Yep mate- you win the prize I think :)
Firstly big hug- it will all work out somehow - things always do if you approach them with balance, love and respect.
Right here is my advice. I think your 'be honest' approach is the only thing that will keep things on track right now. Emotions are raw, many people could/will get hurt, so try hard to stick with your plan of honesty. I think you need to tell your H what is going on, and deal with parental issues after Jun 8. You need a break though to sort yourself out. Do you want to be with AP? You will never know until you date as a RL couiple and not as partners in an illicit affair.
SEparate from your H if that is what you think is best, have you done everything you can to save the marriage? If you can hold your head up and say yes, then you should move on and arrange mature, loving custody arrangements for your daughter. Then you need time our my friend to sort out what you want. Your AP sounds like he may not really leave his wife. Are you ready to be alone?
Only you know the answers to all these sorts of questions, but you definately need honesty, space and to do everything with a focus on your children.
Good luck xxx
I'm_getting_stronger has some good advice. And, by the way, I've been here long enough to know that you don't win any prizes - this situation has certainly happened here before.
Right now concentrate on taking care of yourself, your growing baby, and your DD. Make all that your first priority. Eat good food and get as much rest as you can. Do you meditate? It can help clear your mind, calm you down, and sometimes give you insights - drug free!
Tell yourself that you can't do anything until you know who the father is as far as who will be responsible for helping you raise your child. But you can figure out your marital situation and what's to be done there. Once you're in your own apt., maybe you'll be able to think more clearly.
This is a tough road you're on! I wish I could help you more! You know I'm here when you want to vent, ask questions, share. Please keep coming, I hope we can help at least a little throughout all this!
Proud to be a
You've
I think the best thing for you to do right now is to take a step back from everything. I also think being honest is going to be your best bet in the long run. However, honesty isn't going to be easy (as I'm sure you're well aware of..lol). I would find an apartment first. This will be YOUR place and will give you somewhere neutral and calm to go when the rest of the world erupts in chaos. I would talk to your daughter ALONE and explain to her what's going on (skip the pregnancy thing for right now). After a little time for that dust to settle, I would then tell DH about the baby. Be prepared for complete and utter ugliness about it though. Once you tell him, I would retreat to your apartment. This is going to be extremely stressful and that isn't good for the baby.
As for AP. Honestly, I wouldn't let him off the hook so easily. Your entire life is going up in smoke right now. He was an active and willing participant in things - he needs to pay the piper too. Don't let him get off scott free! If the baby turns out to be his - he should be responsible for it. He can deal with the backlash in his marriage just as YOU have to deal with the backlash in YOURS!
Good Luck to you, dear.