My "Affair" (if you want to call it that)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
My "Affair" (if you want to call it that)
Wed, 06-12-2013 - 4:17pm

I am having an affair with a man I met online two years ago - i'm married and he is divorced/single.  It's mostly physical even though when I asked him about it he says its more, but I know for a fact he dates other people/participates in other affairs.  He cancels plans on me at a moment's notice and is generally standoffish...but the sex is amazing.  I'm not sure what to do - I feel like I don't have a right to ask for more but I am feeling pretty worthless.  What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

If you don't like the way things are going, then you could choose not to participate in this arrangement.  It's hard to ask for more when you are the married one so I suppose that your ability to give to this relationship is pretty limited if you intend to stay w/ your DH.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
I can relate, as I am the married one and AP is the single one. At times, I feel worthless and I don't have the right to ask for more. And that is true; I am already in a committed relationship. So, as for me, with the amazing sex, I try to take it for what it is. If you don't like the way things are, then you can always stop. Like Musiclover said, you have the choice.


Shadow Word generated at

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2013

Never let a man make you feel that way. No man is worth allowing yourself to feel that way, you give your feelings the context.

What were your terms with him initially? No emtions? Just physical? Bit on the side?

Can you accept that he is participating in other Affairs at this point?

Are you able to detach yourself emotionally?