"My AP knows me like no one else"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
"My AP knows me like no one else"
10
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 1:53pm
"My AP knows me better than anyone in my life."



"No one knows me like he/she does."



"I tell him/her things I've never told anyone."



"My AP knows my deepest darkest secrets"



I've read these words in many posts here over the years. Most recently, when I read them, it got me thinking. I know in my life, my OM knows me better than anyone else because he knows about us, he knows about our A, and he knows about my previous As. So of course he knows me better than anyone, and it makes me trust him and feel a strong connection. But, didn't I give him that power by sharing things with him that, maybe, I never even tried to share with my H or even my good friends?



It just seems that the fact our APs know about our whole lives, and no one else does, causes us to feel unconditionally loved by them. And actually, we never gave anyone else the chance.



It makes me wonder what my life would have been like if I'd had that same trust in my H - trust that he would love me unconditionally. I don't think I believe people can love me if they know the "whole story" or something. And it didn't start with having an A, I always felt like the "true me" was unlovable. Dunno...



Maybe I'm just doing some self therapy here. Wondering if this train of thought makes any sense to anyone else?

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 3:48pm

Big surprise here...I often think along those same lines. I can't imagine how you wouldn't feel that way after 11 years.


It's all true for me, too, though. And I did give AP that "power"...BUT, for me, he's the only person in my real life who I can trust with that info...of course, we both have a lot to lose by discovery, so we trust each other a great deal...almost in a "you're keeping my secrets and I'm keeping yours" way.


I struggle sometimes in having such a fun R w/ AP and NOT being able to share that with H or anyone else close to me...NONE of them would approve or remotely understand.


I wouldn't say I've always felt like people wouldn't love the "real" me, it's more like I don't think they could/would understand the real me. For whatever reason I have held **nothing** back from AP. That used to be the case with H, but life and circumstances changed it...I don't really know how, and it evolved very slowly over many years. It's kind of weird, but H would LOVE the "me" that "is" w/ AP!!! I just can't be "her" w/ him...wonder why that is???


So, yes, your train makes sense, but it is a little hard to articulate (for me anyway) exactly why :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 6:17pm

It's funny I never thought about it but yes my MM does know me better than anyone.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 8:33pm

Very interesting, lexi...


At this point in my life, I can safely say that my husband knows me better than just about anyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 11:41pm
This is actually a very tough question for me.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 12:09am
Interesting thoughts Lexi.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 7:52am
Wow, I'm loving reading all your thoughts! Sometimes it's good to get the wheels churning and your mind thinking a little below the surface...

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2010
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 8:06am
I don't know if my AP knows me like no one else -- I think given more time together she definitely would.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 3:19pm

I think my AP would say those things about me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2009
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 1:37am

My lover knows me like no one else yes, he brings out the naked in me and I mean the inside outside this is who i am Naked.

He told me he lived his life in a box. With me he has allowed himself to step out of the box and reveal who he is--his dreams his fears and some closely guarded secrets.

We love one another all the more for it. It is an amazing connection and a R without judgment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 6:32am
My AP thinks of me as his therapist with benefits. *LOL* It was kind of a joke but like Lexi says there's truth in all jests. He's been going through alot in his personal life right now and he told me a jaw dropper of a situation he's in before he told his LTGF. He says that he loves talking with me because he knows that I won't b!tch at him or get mad. I'll just lend him an ear or a shoulder and give advice where I think necessary. It's really important for me to know that he feels like he can come to me for advice with anything because to me we are friends first and like any friends we should be able to ask each other for advice. I told him this and he agreed.