My crazy life

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2008
My crazy life
15
Mon, 12-01-2008 - 10:55pm

So here is my crazy life.

I was married in 2002 to a great woman but right in the beginning I felt that there was something wrong. I believe both of us were not ready for marriage, maybe she more than I. Two days before our wedding she lost her job and decided to completely change her career. Needless to say the career she changed to she was not making much money, this hurt the marriage immediately. Knowing this I decided to pay all the bills, hers and mine but I didn't realize that she was about $15,000 in debt and I had about $2,000 of my own. The strain this put on the relationship was horrible. We had fight after fight about money and bills but after awhile I started to resent her for not trying to pay her bills but kept putting more money on her credit cards. The relationship kept getting worse and worse and as a result of trying to pay her and my bills I started to rack up big balances on my credit cards. I the middle of the second year of our marriage I started to have an emotional affair with a woman from work. As time went on it became physical, physical to the point that we would have some version of sex anywhere. At work, in a car at a hotel you name it we did it. The guilty and frustration eat away at me for about a year. We both knew that we should stop and tried numerous times but always got back together. Being with my wife became impossible because although we had our problems she is not a bad person, in fact she's amazingly nice and caring and that makes this whole thing even harder. Never being able to stop the affair and never saying anything to her the guilty got to the point that I had to move out and did. Two years now I am living by myself but I live very close to the woman I am still having an affair with. For as long as I've known this woman I have been happy. We are compatible in so many ways and I am more comfortable with her than I was ever with my wife. This woman and I are also extremely sexual, having sex almost every weekend for the last two years. You name it, we've done it. I want to be with this woman and not have to hide or look over my shoulder at who is looking. I worry every time we go anywhere and dread the day we might see my still wife or someone from work. My parents and family do not know what is going on but I believe they have their suspicions. The dilemma I am having is I am still in so much debt from my marriage I can't afford a divorce. So I linger in this odd area of not being able to get divorced and not being able to really be with the woman I want to be with. This is hurting my still wife, the woman I want to be with, my family and myself. So on I go, lingering in nowhere land. Obviously this story is more complicated and has some more twists and turns but this is where I am beginning. If anybody has any advice, comments or questions let me know. Thank you for reading about my crazy life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2008
In reply to: platty2008
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 5:36pm
I went to Barnes and Noble and got the "Divorce for Dummies" book (it's by State), did everything they told me to, filled out and filed the forms, and never had a bit of help from anyone. I had a son so there were custody issues, we owned a house and other assets that had to be split.
Carrrrrried...away2
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2008
In reply to: platty2008
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 7:11pm
Once again Carried....outstanding advise! I was going to tell him the same thing. My cousin did her own divorce for very little money. As long as no one is contesting that is an awesome option!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2008
In reply to: platty2008
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 6:50am
Again thank you all for helping me out. I will take your suggestions and begin to figure out the best way to proceed with the divorce. But what happens if the divorce is contested? It seems like then this becomes a much different situation. Has anybody ever gone through a contested divorce that didn't cost a lot of money?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
In reply to: platty2008
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 9:07am

What could she possibly contest except the division of assets?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
In reply to: platty2008
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 6:15pm

I haven't read all posts. I just want to say that you need to be with this woman. Figure out a way to get divorced. Like others have said, it happens all the time when people are broke. There is a way. You & your W have been separated far too long for both of you not to move on & for you to be with the love of your life. If all that kept me from my guy & I I'd figure out how to do it. But there are so many other things standing in the way for me. I feel like this is a love story that deserves a happy ending. Not all the men are looking to go to their lovers---it seems mostly women are here on the boards looking to leave their spouses. Here you are one of the few men posting & you so badly want this relationship. GO FOR IT! Grab her while she's still around or you're going to lose her at some point b/c she'll want to get married & move on. She can't marry you if you're still married to someone you separated from TWO YEARS AGO!!!!!!!

I say go for it. I'm totally cheering you on here :-)

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