my crazy situation
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|Sun, 03-04-2012 - 8:06pm|
Here is my situation…I feel like by writing about it I might gain a little clarity, as well as perhaps get some insight from everyone here.
“Bob” is a might-as-well-be-married man I got involved with three and a half years ago. Fourteen years with his girlfriend, two kids, the whole thing. They always had a pretty dysfunctional relationship, which is why they never married. Or at least, so I’m told. I think I got fed the same line every Other Woman does…he’s not in love…he’s staying for the kids…the time isn’t right to leave, but eventually he will…when he does leave it won’t be for me, it will be because he just needs to leave her.
I am head over heels in love with Bob. However, being that I figured he’d never leave his girlfriend and we weren’t “together” together, I always reserved the right to see other men. Bob knew about this. So, about two months ago I started seeing “Fred.” I still saw Bob too. My rationalization was, I committed nothing to either one of them. I owed neither one of them anything. I wanted to see how things went. You know, I figured, maybe I’d meet someone that would help me fall out of love with Bob.
Fred is a good guy and I genuinely care for him. Fred knows nothing about Bob. NOTHING. Fred and I haven’t officially had the “are we exclusive” talk yet, but I think at this point it’s assumed. So yeah, I’m hiding the Bob situation from him in a big way.
I’m selfish, but…I really thought Fred would be my ticket away from Bob.
In the meantime…well wouldn’t you believe it but Bob is splitting from his girlfriend and wants me to be with him when it’s all said and done. I even told him about Fred (well…in a kind of watered down way. He knows we’ve slept together but not the extent of how much time we’ve spent together, or that we’ve, for example, gone away for a few weekends together). And just like that, I got sucked back into an affair with Bob. Now, I’m not just the other woman, I’m a cheating girlfriend.
My heart says Bob. My head says Fred. I can’t keep playing both of them the way I am right now. I’m making promises to both that I can’t keep, and it’s all going to come crashing down on me.
What do I do? I am caught up in so many lies right now and I’ve got to get out of them.
My plan of action right now is to break it off with both of them and clear my head. I’m just going to have a hard time staying away from Bob. We slept together last night. I need strength, a good action plan, a good butt whipping? I don’t know.