my A ended....don't know what to do next
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my A ended....don't know what to do next
| Wed, 05-12-2004 - 7:19pm |
Well my A ended and i am feeling like i am out of my mind. i want to call him.....i want to kick his butt..... i want to scream. but mosty i want to cry. we have been an item for a year. and i can't really see being with someone else. my world feels like it is falling down around me. i wish it could go back to when everything was good but i see that it can't.
i guess i am looking for a little help getting thru this very ugly time from people that i know have the same attachment to another person that is not a spouse. so if anyone can offer me any help i really need it right about now.
thanks, saag (miserable!)

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I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. I don't know what happened that has caused the end of your A (if you posted it here, I must have missed it since I haven't been around in a few weeks) but I hope you find peace in this difficult time.
I am struggling with ending mine but...I want to tell him to leave me alone one minute but I get scared as I realize that I want/need him in my life as well...I am currently dealing with recent news that my MM's wife is pregnant with their second child. We recognize that we are soul mates but our responsibilities around us is keeping us from being together. There is a part of me that wishes I had your courage to end it but I simply can't. I feel so weak for trying to find the common ground of staying with MM and staying in my M.
I know that you are hurting by this difficult decision. I'm sure the hurt will take time to heal but just keep remembering the reason the A ended and this may help you go- on.
Hang in there...we are all here for you.
At this point I think you should go ahead and grieve. I know I'll be crying a lot over the next few weeks. Try to keep busy - especially during the times when you and MM would have talked or spent time together. For me that is late afternoons so I'll boost my work out routine and try to do stuff outside with my kids. Take it one day at a time. Eventually things WILL get better. Hang in there, OK? And keep posting here. The folks here are amazing and truly understand how you feel.
Peace
GB2
I post often here with people ignoring me all the time. Makes me feel kind of invisble. This might be one of those posts too, but they serve a purpose for me. It makes my thoughts/purpose clearer.
My A ended a long time ago, but it has taken me a long time to realize it. Once I realized in my heart that it could never have been except in dreams - I have been in peace with it for now. I am a realist at heart and usually true to myself. This is what I want right now. If you can accept that truth with in your heart half the battle is over. Don't keep hanging on to hoping it to change. It never does in reality
I knew from the start we would never have had any real R if we were both single. We live in two worlds apart in reality. And sometimes reality can be scary - to realize I was ready to throw awaay may marriage/my world/comforts for this man who I did not really know. I still do not know him from Adam! To think I did the things I did is very sobering - slap on my face. And this slap is very effective one if I might add.
If you don't have a husband to fall back on, please consider yourself very lucky. You might not have the comfort of having somebody at home all the time but it is very hard to cry your heart out openly. You have keep up apperences for the sake of the kid and the husband. It is very difficult too. I suggest you wait to get over this man and when you are ready to date use this experience to find a lasting mate. Please don't ever make the mistake of repeating patterns in your life with people/relastionships/situations. Cut loose and find a new life of love laughter and happiness than you are in today. You owe it yourself. I wish you all the best. Good Luck!
go_fish
Edited 5/12/2004 9:13 pm ET ET by go_fish
We were both in unhappy marriages and started out as friends. i learned he was involved with another women so i kept my distance and tried to stay out of anything more. but as we grew closer it got more involved. after about 4 months we both admitted we were in love. in the time after that we have taken two vacations togeather. he bought a house to move into. my H moved out. my MM moved into my house. the most important thing i told his wife everything.
I am sure you will wonder why i told her. And the truth is he told her 2 inches of a 10 mile story and then i was getting calls from her. so i told her lets sit down and talk. we did and i told her the truth. from that point on he has flip flopped back and forth between the two of us. he has told me that he loves me. he says he goes back because of the kids. as a mother of 4 i understand. he tells me that they are not having sex. but on monday that story changed. he told me they had sex and that he told her he loved her. then told me that he didn't mean it and that they are only three words that mean nothing. i blew my top. i wanted to hit him but i didn't. instead i hit my van windsheild and broke my knuckle and my windsheild. and that was it i was done. i can not continue to be with someone i love and to be treated like an idiot.
thank you so much for listening to me vent things that i haven't old anyone as they would never understand.
I know my A ended a while ago but i hate to lose. and i was willing to fight with everything i had. it feels so right with him but i know it so wrong. god i love him. i see now that what i had i can not replace. when i was young i found this motto good to live by......there are no mistakes if you learn from it. so at this time i will take what i have learned and be patient. i have not found my knight yet. and as my therapist says i am the hopeless romantic and i need the right man to sweep me off my feet.
Keep writing me and i will alwys answer you i don't like to feel invisiable and never want anyone else to feel that way either.
p.s.please read the fourth post on this so you can see what happened.
Well, I'm glad I read this thread- you're post hit home to me. I am taking your words to heart. I DO have a H to fall back on but am still grieving over my MM and the loss of our R and friendship. It hurts as you know- really hurts.
Your last paragraph- I cut that out and it is tucked under my mouse pad here at work. I need to read encouragement like this to get me over my hurt.
So PLEASE, do not think you are invisible. You certainly are not to me.
v.
I have gone through this one time with mm. Back in Dec. he ended it and seemed to just be able to go on with his life like a weight had been lifted or something. The one thing he did though was come to me and talk face to face for over an hour. I poured out my heart about my M and he did the same. I know what it is like to feel like your heart was ripped out and the longing for the OM and not be able to show it all the time because you are married w/kids. Life goes on in your house. I used to mourn every morning in the shower while I played Michelle Branch's cd Hotel Paper. I wanted songs that related to what I was going through. After about 4 weeks I cried less and less. He unfortunately kept leading me on then go cold. When I got tired of it and was not as emotional about him I called him on the carpet about it and that is actually when we made up! I was not expecting it at all and I was really ready to move on because I allowed myself practically the only time I had alone to really cry and feel my emotions. I can only imagine after a year what that feels like, we were only together a couple of months when he ended it and I was a mess. Hang in there both of you and hopefully for you you will in time wonder what you were doing with them in the first place!!
Also think about things about them that were less than wonderful, this helps a lot too.
dd
Thanks a bunch for the words of widom.
Saag
Please be good to yourself right now. Winston Churchill had a saying I live by, "When you find yourself in hell, keep moving forward." Keep moving forward, Saag. We're here for you.
I intersepted emails from my MM to his W. he has know idea i have them. they don't paint me in a good light at all! and now he is trying to contact me via instant messanger. He is actually acting like this whole break up was such a mistake. i can't even begin to tell you how anger the emails made me. so what the heck do i do now?
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