my A ended....don't know what to do next

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
my A ended....don't know what to do next
22
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 7:19pm
Well my A ended and i am feeling like i am out of my mind. i want to call him.....i want to kick his butt..... i want to scream. but mosty i want to cry. we have been an item for a year. and i can't really see being with someone else. my world feels like it is falling down around me. i wish it could go back to when everything was good but i see that it can't.

i guess i am looking for a little help getting thru this very ugly time from people that i know have the same attachment to another person that is not a spouse. so if anyone can offer me any help i really need it right about now.

thanks, saag (miserable!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 11:23am
<<<<<<<<<< i can't even begin to tell you how anger the emails made me. so what the heck do i do now? >>>>>>>>>

Hi Saag. Saw your post last night and didn't want to respond right away until I could think of the words to sooth you somehow. I just finished reading all of the threads to your cry for answers, and there are some realy wonderful people on here.

Anyway, I also found a way to read my MM's email messages on his computer. Every time that I did, I would find out something devastaing and sulk for days. There was enough ammunition for me to cream him but then I thought, "Hey! This is spying and prying and who's the culpret now?" I hated myself for doing it and decided to just let it go. It was NONE of my business even though indirectly it affected me. It just made me stronger and more guarded whenever he started pouring on the sugar.

Sweetie, just remember, everyone lies; and mostly....we lie to ourselves. Who are we to judge another? The sun is out today, so enjoy what you CAN always count on.(I hope the sun is shining where you live :)

Hugs, T.

**Terri**

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:36pm
Hi Saag,

I know what you are going through. I really don't have much advice at the moment, but as soon as I figure out what to do, I'll fill you in. LOL

My H is going through a phase of healing right now, and it's not a good one. We are arguing a lot. But, we are going away this weekend, so I am hoping that some of our issues can be resolved, or a least begin to be resolved.

The best advice I think I may be able to give you, is to remember the good times, focus on your children, mine make me laugh daily, and post here as often as you feel the need to. The people in here have been a wonderful support to me, and have offered invaluable advice and opinions.

By the way, I am curious as to how you intercepted the email. Not that I have any intention of doing so, but since I am usually quite computer literate, and always striving to learn something new - maybe you could fill me in.

Take care of yourself

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:47pm
Regarding his emails to his wife, keep in mind he is trying to save his marriage and his skin, I would imagine. He really can't say, "Yes, she was wonderful, everything stopped being long ago." Yeah baby, that would send her into orbit, and him straight to divorce court.

For the time being, I would just ignore him, let your emotions settle down. Go shopping with a friend, or have lunch with someone who makes you laugh to take your mind off of things. Do anything to keep you mind off you MM today. It's not written anywhere this has to be solved today or even tomorrow.

Take your time, and remember to think from the neck up - like a man.

Good luck and stay strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:52pm
saag41,

I have felt the same way many times. I've told MM even that if I thought it would do me any good to scream, stomp my feet, beat his chest I would......but in all honesty ..... we aren't in that position. And after I calmed down, I was glad I didn't let myself "go" there. It would only make me feel worse and not accomplish anything. But....it still would offer some kind of satisfaction!! My MM has horses and he told me one day that he should've married a woman who didn't mind getting a little horsesh*t on them. In the middle of a major argument I told him, I'm just that woman, cause if I had a BIG FRESH PILE I can bet you $$$$ I'd have it on me, as I was rubbing it in your face!!! :)

Here are some big HUGS ((((((( ))))))) Take care and feel better.

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 8:13pm
U are so right T! these people are some of the best listeners. and the advice i have gotten from this board has helped me more then you can ever imagine. sometimes i cry cause i see what you guys tell me and realize it is the truth. i am really coming to terms with this thing ending. and i know i need all of you and all the help you can give me.

so from the bottom of my beaten up heart Thank you!

Saag

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 8:47pm
Red,

first i want to tell you that Red has been my nick name for the past 17 years as my hair is always being changed to some crazy shade of red.( i mean every shade of red they can come up with! lol)

I hope your trip does what you need it to. my marriage has been a bit off center the enitire 10years. and i tried the trips...therapy...not talking....talking about everything...sex as much as i could handle..and withholding it....i made babies...i raised his son....i loved his family more than my own......changed my religion....After all that in the end i know it needs to end. so untill you try everything you possiable can don't throw in the towel.


well Red, i will continue to post i hope you answer when you can. thanks for making me laugh today!

Hugs back at ya!

Saag

Edited 5/13/2004 9:34 pm ET ET by saag41

Edited 5/13/2004 10:36 pm ET ET by saag41


Edited 5/15/2004 2:26 pm ET ET by saag41

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 8:57pm
sweet, i am finally thinking above the neck! my heart and my head have two different opinions of the situation but the head is winning!

The W is already in orbit. did i tell you that when she found out she wanted to go out with us??? so stupid me did! she said she wanted to see what the attraction was. silly girl you will never be me! very messed up!

he called today not sure why but i was cold and distant. i have to be for my hearts sake!


TY again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 9:01pm
Kitty, lol on the horsesh*t thing. i swear i need to laugh more! so thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 9:05pm

Hitting your windshield and braking your knuckle is pretty drastic, but that's what these A's drive us too. The emotion is so unbearable at times. It's very raw.


It's hard to believe that a person you have been intimate with. A person you love dearly could behave this way, but they do.


At least, you knew when it was enough. It was hard enough to do that. Unfortunately, for a while anyway, it's going to be rough. Just hang in there!! You have to. There is no other choice.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 10:58pm
"By the way, I am curious as to how you intercepted the email. Not that I have any intention of doing so, but since I am usually quite computer literate, and always striving to learn something new - maybe you could fill me in. "

HAHAHAHA!! Thanks for the laught Red. LOL