Up to my eyeballs with him

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2009
Up to my eyeballs with him
1
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 7:44pm

I'm seeing a man that I've known for about 15 years...and he's one of my brother's closest friends. Our families know each other and there is a lot of history. He is welcomed like part of my family by my siblings and parents. We ran into each other a few months ago and the attraction we've always had for each other hit us full force.

Problem number one, and the one I knew going in...he has a girlfriend. At first it was no big deal because we were "just friends". That has changed.

Problem number two, the one I didn't know going in...she's pregnant. I found that out through a mutual friend. When I did, I congratulated him, read him the riot act for not being the one to tell me and ended it...so I thought.

After 2 weeks of letting me simmer down, he apologized and begged me to understand. At that point, I knew I was going to see him again. I also told myself that I would keep an emotional distance. I felt secure in that resolution since he was going to be leaving to work in Hawaii for 6 months. I figured that would serve to cool things between us and it would be over without any fuss or hard feelings.

Well, his departure date keeps getting pushed back and I feel we're both getting sucked in deeper and deeper...to the point where neither one of us seems to want to make any sort of break. He's becoming reckless in his actions. Just last week he spent 3 nights away from home, ignoring his cell...which rang non-stop the entire night. He ended up getting locked out of his home and stayed with me yet again.

Last night, we were all at my parents' house visiting with my brother, who was in from out of town. My brother knows nothing of our involvement. We both kept gravitating towards each other, looking for moments where we could be alone...to no avail. My brother dragged him away late in the night and I ended up falling asleep on the couch waiting for them to return. I was woken up at 2:23 AM with my cell phone ringing...blocked number. I didn't answer and it rang til it went to voicemail. No message. That is an extremely rare occurrence for me. Random coincidence? A suspicious girlfriend? I then noticed I had received a text message from him 30 minutes earlier. He was heading home and wanted to say good night, even though I was sleeping. That tugged at my heart. So I thought I would be cute and responded that I missed him tucking me in. Then I smacked myself in the forehead and asked "What the hell am I doing?!" This morning he texted again to say he missed me. Before I caught myself, I responded in kind AND went on to say that I fell back asleep with him on my mind.

UGGGGHHHHH!!!! What is WRONG with me? Moreover, what is HE doing??? If I didn't know better, I swear he wants to get caught. The blocked number call is really making me wonder. One rule I set for myself to try and prevent getting too sucked in was NO QUESTIONS. I like the guy...I always have. I see myself falling and falling hard. I just wish I had a little crystal ball that could tell me where he was coming from and what he wants with me. Would be easier to just ask him, huh? I can't. I'm not sure of myself in this situation and am afraid to know the answer.

Any opinions?

Edited 7/8/2009 7:49 pm ET by ohbratti1_2009




Edited 7/8/2009 7:55 pm ET by ohbratti1_2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2009
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 1:46pm

Well, you asked for opinions....

Problem #2 is a biggie. How would you like to be in the same shoes as the preggo GF. Do you think what he's doing is cool?

>>>"I feel we're both getting sucked in deeper and deeper...to the point where neither one of us seems to want to make any sort of break."<<<

Hmmm, no you let yourself get sucked in deeper and deeper. You coulda just say NO. The guy just want to get some.

Look, guys will make a play period. If they smell some kind of positive response, they're on to you like a fly on crap. Reality of the this situation is that, there's a woman who's being betrayed in the worst possible (being PREGNANT by this fools baby) way. You're playing a part in that betrayal. I think the decent thing to do would be to asked him to be honest with the GF. If he really wants to be with you then let her go. She deserve to be with someone who wouldn't treat her with such total disrespect.

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