My first-Can anyone help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
My first-Can anyone help me
20
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 2:26am
I have been married for three years and been seeing a married man for the last six months. He embodies everything I used to dream about. The moment I first laid eyes on him I wanted to be with him and get to know him. I can't stop thinking about his wife and kids-I often feel terrible. Yet when I am with him, I feel so wonderful. I hate the fact I can't express my happiness with anyone-for the obvious reasons of course. How do you cope with the confusion? How do you keep perspective? How did it happen to you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 2:42am
HI IceCream...

sometimes I wonder why I don't feel guilty... I've always been told that feeling guilty means you're doing something wrong.. and I know I am but I don't and haven't felt guilty. I cope with the confusion by trying to be the positive in his life. But that doesn't always work, I've totally fallen out of love with my H and I am totally in love with my MM. MM and I have been together for 17 months and although the beginning was better then it is right now, I have a lot of regret but not guilt.. if that makes sense. My H is a great guy, but I feel like the damage i've done is too much, like we'd never recover and I don't want to keep this lie from his the rest of my life, I'd rather leave him then keep this from him forever.

my MM had his eye on me for a long long time before I even noticed him.. we started talking one day and we just clicked, it literally just happened.

This is my first EMA and my last!

=)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 2:57am
Thank you, thank you, I feel the same way. I know my H is a good man but I have also fallen out of love with him. I can't get the "him" out of my mind. I wake up thinking about him and he is the last thing I think about. I'm hoping this will subside. Do you think things will change for you and could there be any future with "him"?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 4:27am
I too am in the same situation. I have been married for 3 years and we have been together for 13. I have fallen out of love with my husband and have cheated on him. The man that I have been with is someone I have always been attracted to, even before I met my husband. He makes me feel the way no one else ever could. When I am with him, i forget everything else, and he is literally on my mind all the time. I feel guilty because I never thought I could do something like this to my husband. I am having a hard time dealing with it. I have tried to tell my husband that I am unhappy and I think we should split up, but he wants to stay together very badly. Of course he has no idea what I have done, and I am way to scared to tell him, because I don't want to hurt him. I am so confused.
Avatar for jeanbob
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 1:05pm
I am new to this too--it's been less than a week, in fact--so I don't know how it's going to play out. MM is someone I've been strongly attracted to for the past several years. Turns out he has felt the same way all along, too. We were really alone last week for the first time ever and it all came out--he finally had to say something, his feelings for me were driving him crazy. I was amazed at how comfortable I was making love with him (I haven't been with another man for 20 years) and how absolutely NOT guilty I feel! I think I should feel bad, but I don't. Neither one of us wants to leave our marriages. I still love and like my husband and we have a basically good marriage, although I am not physically attracted to him anymore. I don't know how MM feels about his wife but he has three young children that he is devoted to. For both of us it would be disastrous emotionally, socially and financially to disrupt our marital situations at this point. We live in a small town, and obvioulsy I cannot say anything to anyone. I don't even know how often we'll be able to "see" each other. I sympathize with you! It is great to have somewhere to come and just talk, vent, etc....
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 2:11pm
I'm new to this too. I've always been completely devoted in my relationships. Even loyal to a flaw. But my marriage is falling to pieces and my H is emotionally abusive and denies me most any physical contact.

I haven't done anything other than some heavy flirting with my OM so far. For me it is just the most amazing fantasy. Last night he asked me to spend the night with him. I wanted to say yes so badly, but I didn't, I went home to my husband who doesn't want me.

I don't know how to deal with all this either. But I've found that coming here to post is really helpful. Its nice to know that I'm not the only woman out there who is in this kind of a situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 2:11pm
You have no idea how much it means to me that you feel the same as I do. I feel I am invisible to my H. I don't think he listens when we have talked about this. I have told him so many times that I am not happy. My MM has treated me like a queen. We love eachother and it is such a shame that we are so close yet live such seperate lives. I guess it doesn't help that my H's mother hates me and we have never gotten along. I feel so trapped in my marriage. I know its just a matter of time before I get divorced. I know my H is a good man but not a great husband. I wish I never married him, I should have seen the writing on the wall. It took me four years to finally say yes to getting married. My MM has children and it is most likely that he will never leave his W. Is it so worng to wish I could spend the rest of my life with him? I don't ever want his children to be casualties of my EMA. There are times I feel so sad about the situation, especially since I have met my MM's children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 2:19pm
Hi celtic dreams:

I know how you feel. My H could care less about sex. I have been hit on so many times both at work and public places. Yet I go home every day feeling as though I am ugly or undesireable. My H isn't abusive, but the lack of physical, emotional contact makes me feel somewhat scarred. I too am not in love with my H or even attracted to him. I am so glad to part of this support group. I have never felt so lonely before. To be in a forum that share the same situations makes me feel better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 2:27pm
Isn't it great to feel so alive? When I first slept with my MM it was like a reawakening. I have never felt so aware of my body and soul. The tough part is when he tells you he loves you and every time you leave you go your seperate ways. Every Friday I feel sad when we leave eachother. I used to look forward to the weekends, but now they are more gaps to being happy. It's funny I used to search for what I wanted in life, now I feel as though that I can only focus on what I don't want. I don't like feeling this way every time we leave eachother. The wanting and missing him. It's amazing that I dream of going out for a nice dinner and being able to tell him out loud that I love him, spending a night together in his arms, watching a movie together, watching a sunset or being able to kiss in public. Everyday we are both careful. I hate having to have sex in car. There are times I dream of actually being able to make love in private. How can something so private always play out in such public places? I wish you luck, I can only say to keep it perspective. Take care of yourself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 4:50pm
Hi IceCream,

I hope things will change between OM and I. I can't get him out my mind either. I feel like lately (since things haven't been going so well and he's indifferent about us) theres a huge hole in my stomach. I haven't eaten much lately, but I have a little hope, yesterday I left him probably 10 messages through out the day and he got all of them, so he was thinking of me, and I left him REALLY good messages. Hoping to help him feel better about us. Today he left me 3 messages about what he's been doing this weekend and said he's been thinking a lot about us. But they weren't very personal.. soooooo????

I guess I'll know this week, what he's deciding about out fate, it sucks but I'm tring to think positively.! If you ever want to IM me I have AIM my screen name is thinkhppy6.

=)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 11:13pm
Icecream

I totally relate to your EMA. It's hard huh when your husband is such an As*. Its almost like he's the one pushing you right into you MM's arms. D is inevitable here too.

I'm sorry your so unhappy, it stinks!

Hugs

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