my goodbye letter
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| Fri, 05-14-2010 - 2:54pm |
You were supposed to be different. You reassured me whenever I had doubts. You shared your secrets with me. You shared your pain.
I am sad that I choose to ignore the signs and instead stand up for you and believe in you. Six months ago, you began to be someone I didn't recognize. And still I stayed. Still I hoped. You begged me not to give up on you. So I choose not to. I decided that you were worth the pain and the love. And so I choose to do whatever I could for you. I gave to you and if I did not receive, well, I made excuses for you. And I told myself that if I was patient, it would work out in the end. And I believe that you did not lie when you told those sweet things to me. You felt them as much as you were able.
I do not regret giving you my heart, believing in you, trusting you, and letting you treat me less than I deserved. But I hope that I choose not to settle again and learn from this experience.
Yes it hurts to realize, acknowledge, and announce out loud the truth. The truth that what I wanted will never happen. That I am the only one holding on. That you have

Hi Martini,
I feel for you and I hope you find your way back to a peaceful & happy place that you so much deserve. As much as it hurts, its a learning experience and hopefully you will heal as you take things one day at a time.
Hugs to you!
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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thank you purple.
There are a lot of things that I want to be mad at, the double standards, and such. But I keep frustrating myself because I don't feel like I have a right to be mad at him. I mean - I choose to do this right? I knew that what I was doing wasn't right. I did things I didn't want to do but choose to.
So when he finally leaves his wife, he leaves me to! irony....
And I can presume he is with this girl who is now in pictures with him on his FB account. And I want to be pissed at him and say you hurt me and you broke your promises to me and why and what did I do wrong? I gave you everything I had, more than I should and you knew all this.
But I went into it knowing the chance of being hurt was way way way high. And I knew that him being in an affair means he broke promises to his W. And I know I didn't do anything wrong, thats just who he is. And the biggest thing - what right do I have to feel this way when I truly had no claim to him - shouldn't his W be the only one to hurt like this?
and I HATE that he is with someone! It hurts! and its not right
Many ((((hugs))))) chocolate!
I'm married to a man who made me all sorts of promises in the beginning, and has pretty much broken my heart time and again over the last 15 years.
anotherseyes
thanks :)
I want to believe (wish wish wish!) she is just a rebound, but you know I've no idea. and really I'm trying not to care. She's 21 and we are both 31. what will be will be. and yeah, he's definately celebrating freedom. I just hope he sees the flaming bridges behind him! Like he said earlier, things just got out of hand and the whole situation got ugly.
well duh.
I'm more mad at myself though you know? just because I struck out again. one of these days... I'll get that formula right...
first time was kids
second time was house
third time was back to school
fourth time..... - ???
I think I was born in the way wrong era! No one these days wants long term years and years with one person. as soon as it starts to suck (read require WORK!) they all bail.
makes you just wanna stick your tongue out at all of them!
She's 21, and he's 31 and has kids?
anotherseyes
LOL while I don't wish him heartache, my belief is rebound as well. I know the best mantra to stop hurting for me was
"It doesn't matter, I don't care"
Ah, so you have a tendency to be a doormat, too?
anotherseyes
Yeah, I have problems saying "no" to people. I have a problem seeing myself as an equal and want to do things for others because I want to show my appreciation or I don't want them to think poorly of me.
Over the last few years I have been getting better at boundaries, but with my AP I knew there were problems but I couldn't say them. Didn't want to "add" to his stress, etc. LOL Now it wasn't all the time, but more than once is something that needs to be addressed. I did address it, but not until it had gone on for quite a while.
UPDATE as well - we talked this weekend and he talked about how he realized he needs time to himself and time to think and just focus on his kids. (lots of ugliness