My H is on to me........HELP
Find a Conversation
My H is on to me........HELP
| Wed, 11-19-2003 - 11:57am |
I asked for a divorce a couple months ago. We are still together though. I can't seem to grasp leaving my "family". I told H that I had fallen out of love with him. That is TRUE. My A didn't start till after my marriage was in deep trouble. Now he keeps asking me if I'm having an affair. He just called now and asked me again. I wanted to say yes so he would leave me alone. But I have 2 kids that I don't want to hurt. I also don't want to hurt H anymore.
What do I do now? MM and me are suposed to meet tonight. Do you think it is to risky?
What do I do now? MM and me are suposed to meet tonight. Do you think it is to risky?

Pages
and you will eventually hurt your H no matter what, because you are having an A/EMA and in love with another man and not with your H. so your H will have to deal with the end of your M. it happens every day honey!
i'm not trying to be flip with you or make light of your situation, but please make yourself happy. your children will adjust, your H will adjust and so will you!!
JMO,
gurl
Thanks gurl for you O!!
dayz
i'm not saying everyone that is married and involved in an EMA/A should leave their marriage and run to the other man/woman, but please understand that you must live your life, not wait around until conditions are PERFECT, the children are grown (which i've seen alot of on this board - who wants to start over at 40!), or you've saved a bunch of money, or the H/W "catches" you and makes the first move towards a divorce - whatever! there is no PERFECT, only today, so live it to the fullest!!
live your life, your way, and try not to directly and meanly hurt others, in your pursuit of happiness. most women don't get this and try to "fix" everything and everyone in their lives, all the while, not paying any attention to their own needs. it's not a bad thing to want and need another person in your life. or none at all!
gurl
It scares me to think he may be right. Will look back one day and regret what I have done? Will I be so lonely that H will look like Mr. Right? I'm so scared. But I know I can't fence-sit either. I have to commit to my marriage or my single life.
I also fear that the way I feel about H stems alot from MM. I mean I know what I felt about H before MM but now it is more magnatized. I can't stand it when H touches me. We haven't been "together" in almost 5 months. When he hugs me I feel sick. Would this go away if MM went away? By the way do you own a crystal ball? LOL!!!!
Thanks, Gurl. How'd you get SO smart?
I can hear my son in 10 years saying "You should have left dad years ago" I want a man in my life who will spend time with the kids. Not just give them money and tell them to get out of his hair.
Thank you so much for you time, and insite.
dayz
Only much later can I objectively say - She was right - looking back I'm glad that she stayed on course since we have both established new lives that are better than anything we could have had together.
I begged, cried, pleaded, and was so sure that she was wrong and would later be sorry - what a dope I was. There was no way for me (then) to accept her choice - but she was so right.
Sometimes you need to go straight through the gauntlet - there's no other way.
Listen to gurl - she's got it right. If you're as sure as you can be - go for it!
Been there...
as for being married versus being single, all i can say is if you are sooooo freakin' unhappy with H, and hate it so much that when he touches you that you are physically sick, how much "worse" can it be to be single and in control of your life and who touches you when and where! and it doesn't matter if MM is in your life or not. leaving your M and living your own life has to be FOR YOU!!
here's my experience with marriage, separation and divorce. after 20 years together (16 married) i left a decent man (but incredibly boring or insenstive), financially secure (the big house, lots of spending cash, new cars every two years) marriage because i simply COULD NOT STAND my H one minute longer.
there was no abuse, just no connection physically, mentally, emotionally. i have to beg for sex once a moth!! we were like roommates, except since he made the bulk of the money, i ended up raising three children, cleaning the house, doing all the cooking, laundry, errands, sports activities with the kids and working 3 days a week while the time H was home, he spent sleeping or watching tv. what a life! since my H never looked at me or touched me which left me feeling like no man would ever look at me again because i was too fat, my hair was too curly and i wore glasses, a younger man did pay attention to me. i couldn't believe he would find me attractive because i felt so ugly, but he did. this OM helped me realize how shut down and pulled inward i was. we talked and talked via telephone for two months (he lived 150 miles away and i couldn't get to him) before i realized how much i hated my life and wanted way more than my H and M were ever going to give me. i didn't end up with that OM, but i think God put him in my path for that exact reason - the clarity i needed to make my decision.
so you know what, i put some money aside and consulted a lawyer, not too difficult since i was working for one at the time, and finally confronted my H about how unhappy i was and there was NO WAY to work it out and i told him to make arrangements to leave to house. of course, after a week of arguing, he wouldn't leave, so i did. and to tell you the truth, i was somehwat poor, but not hungry and neither were the kids, and I was on my own (albeit, with three children, lol!) and living in an apartment, but I WAS SOOOO HAPPY AND RELIEVED! and i NEVER looked back. EVER!!
i love being single! i've had good relationships and bad ones in the last 16 years since the divorce, but i wouldn't trade any of them because each one taught me something about myself and men. i'm currently in a 10+ years relationship with my BF, but i will NEVER marry again. not even if my MM and i somehow, by some miracle, end up together.
and by the way, the kids grew up just fine and dandy. oldest is very happily married and working very hard, middle one is living with her financee and working, and the youngest is going to college and working part-time to pay for her clothing habit!
when you're ready to go, you will just go! secret, i know you're afraid to take the next step and there are no guarantees at all in life, but you will free yourself up for a happier life and the new experiences you will certainly have! don't be scared. life is meant to be lived!!
JUST DO IT!!
gurl
dayz, take your time and do what is best for you honey. we're here for you all the way!!
take care,
gurl
Pages