My heart is breaking
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| Wed, 04-07-2004 - 9:53pm |
I have been married 5 years, no kids and am having an affair with a MM (one young child). It's long distance but we are connected through a business relationship so we do have an excuse to see each other a few times a year. We talk all the time through e-mail or phone. My heart is breaking right now because he came into town for a meeting yesterday and he left today. I am TRYING so much to get used to saying goodbye to him but it is so hard. We were in a business meeting today and I was trying so hard to hold back the tears just looking at the clock knowing that he was leaving and he won't be able to come back here until mid-June. We are in-love with each other but understand that we can't be together right now...if ever. He loves his son (15 month old) and can't imagine leaving him right now. I can respect this but it also gives me a chance to keep my situation "looking good" at home and keep me from hurting my H, who is my best friend (but am not in love with).
I guess I just wanted to post today because I am miserable sitting here wanting to turn back the clock and be with him again. THIS-IS-SO-HARD! The high's (being with him) are the best I've ever experienced but the goodbye's are so sad. I just wish he was here...

Love
Hi Torngal:
I too am in a long distance EMA - 1 yr LDEMA-total close to 3yrs EMA. I am M with no kids; 14 yrs and MM M for 16 yrs 2 kids under 11 yrs old. We saw each other twice this past year and I know the tearing apart feeling of saying goodbye. At least you have business reasons to travel as I do not. i am trying to think of excuse to see him soon...he is begging and I am aching!! MM says he'll leave his w when her business is up and running as it is doing better each time we speak. He is very concerned about his youngest who is 7 now. I plan to D by July or so as my heart is not in my marriage anymore. Hang in there..that's all we can do. ~Cheetah~
It's a tough struggle to live my everyday life knowing that my heart belongs to someone else and I can't be with him.
That's a tough situation to be in. You're right...it's hard to see someone everyday and not know what's going on especially when he's pretty hot and cold and you never know when he is going to come up to you and tell you it's over for good. I truly can't imagine having someone I care about treat me that way. These A's are supposed to be some sort of escape but when all the person does is cause confusion and heartache, it makes you wonder if it's even worth it, doesn't it? I know that it would certainly be something that I would not tolerate...but that's me.
There are a number of people on this board that have often written that they have found a comfort level in both their relationships (with their H and MM). I think it's great that people have come to that point because I still have those urges to have a life someday with my MM but am torn about hurting my husband and my MM is not ready to leave his young son. I think that you and your MM need to come to that level in which you admit/accept that you will never leave your families but also find a comfort level in having one another in your lives.