My heart is breaking....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
My heart is breaking....
3
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 4:35pm
Why is it hurting SO much to leave a man that I don't love anymore. I'm not sure if I was even "IN-LOVE" with my h when we got married. Why is it so hard? I feel like I would rather stay than hurt him in any way. He's not even begging me to stay. He hasn't even told me that he even loves me. Please help!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 5:05pm
I was somewhat in ur shoes at one point. For me it was just the thought of being alone - independent. I was scared having a little boy. I mean what did the future hold. I was so used to relying on H and exfiance that both times I stayed becuase I did not want the change even if there was no love no attraction. I got used to having them around I guess somewhat a comfort zone. But soon I got the courage to realize how unhappy I was and I had to move on and not only do I feel better but everyone notices the differences when I was tied down to now that I am free. I LOVE IT. I will be honest it took me a while...I cried...and even I did not love them I was always curious about there where abouts but within time that went away.

Thats why sometimes I see people who are unhappy in there marriages but decide to stay for one reason or another and I cant understand it. If they only knew the pain goes away and if your unhappy thats not good for your health it just brings negativity. WE all need positive energy and happiness...everyone deserves to be happy.

As far as him not telling you he loves you or asking you back...im sure that hurts you. Maybe he is just being strong and sucking it up...I dont know your whole situation so its hard to say.

I wish you the best...hugs...SANDY

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 5:12pm
You are having a hard time, because even if you know it is the absolute right decision for you, it means that you are changing your life. You are having a hard time, because you are a good person who doesn't like to hurt anyone you care about, including your H, even if you are not in love with him. Ending a marriage is a hard, scary thing to do, even if you know it is the best thing for you.

I am where you are. I know that I do not love my H, and likely never really did. However, it is not easy ending a relationship with someone I've known most of my life. Even though I am looking far in the future to be happier when this is all over and done, it hurts right now.

I'm wondering if you are also feeling hurt because your H hasn't begged you to stay or told you that he loves you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Sun, 09-07-2003 - 10:14pm
My soon to be eh had a horrible temper, strike one. He also had something that he wasn't going to get past, about me. He always brought it up and called me names. Past A, before we were married. Strike two. Stike three was me falling for someone who treated me better then anyone ever had before. But I was afraid of hurting him, afraid he'd hurt me. Why did I care if I hurt him, when the things he said to me made it clear he didn't know what caring or love was? It's hard, I know. I just packed up while he was at work and left a note. I had no other choice. I couldn't get the courage to say it to his face. He has a way of making me so mixed up in the brain that I can't tell up from down. Still because of the A, I felt guilty. And I didn't want to hurt him. But if you aren't inlove and you don't want to be with him then you need to leave. It will be ok. As long as you are sure you don't want to be with him. If he isn't putting up a fight all the better. Although that can sometimes upset you, because you expect a fight and sometimes it's almost like what?! no fight? Don't you care? Ego thing, but the truth. Be strong! It will work out.