My heart is breaking - need support
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| Sat, 02-28-2004 - 9:07am |
We are both teachers in the same district, but not at the same school. We have been close friends for about 6 months since we met. One night after an outing to the bar, we kissed. We both swore it wouldn't happen again, of course, it did. We talk on the phone every day, send e-mails and text messages. Altogether, I would say that we have been physically intimate about 10 times in the past 2 months, each time it gets more and more intense. Each time OM says that it can't happen again, we have to stop, etc. Last night, we were especially intense, both physically and emotionally. Afterwards, OM said that it absolutely can't happen again. He noted date and time and said that "from now on, we can only be friends". I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. He said that he feels really connected to me, that we are so much alike, practically best friends, etc. but that it can't go anywhere because we both have seperate lives. I started to cry. We held each other for a long time, and he told me how much he wants me to be in his life forever, that he needs my friendship, etc. He said that every time we are physical it gets harder and harder not to stop, and that he is getting "addicted" to me, and he has to stop it now before it gets "worse" and "more complicated". He said that he's afraid one of us will get hurt and ruin the friendship.
I went home and my H was already in bed. I got in the shower and cried silently for a while. I felt like my heart would break. This morning, I got an e-mail from OM. His family experienced a tragedy earlier in the week, and we spent a lot of time talking about it. In the e-mail, he thanked me for being there for him this week, re-iterated that he never wants to lose my friendship, etc. He also said "I want you to be in my life for the rest of my life". It broke my heart to read those words...
I am so confused and hurt, I don't know what to do. I feel like I am addicted to him, physically and emotionally. Part of me thinks that he means it this time that the physical aspect has to stop, and part of me thinks that we'll be right back where we were before. Please, anyone who has been in this type of situation, what should I do? He is supposed to call me tomorrow, and we e-mail constantly. I don't know how to react. I truly love him (god, I've never admitted that before) and don't want to lose the friendship, but I can't just turn off my feelings like that. Any advice, support, you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Now I know why you call it a rollercoaster
Thanks girls!
-Circe

Girl as much as it hurts, you need to let him come to you. If he never does again, you can move on, but if he does your relationship will grow to another level.
Take care!
hi circe and welcome back honey!
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
A lot of what you all said made a lot of sense. I have never been in this situation before, and I never expected that I would be. I am confused as to why this hurts so much. We started out as friends, which is the worst part of all of this. Our friendship was/is very important to me. I am afraid now that I ruined it with all of this.
I don't even know why he would want to stay friends with me after all of this. Why do the OM do this? What is going on in their minds? I wish I knew...
Over the past few days since I posted, I have had contact with OM through e-mail and phone. He had a tragedy in his family last week, and has been going through a lot with that, so I have been trying to be a supportive "friend" to him. He has thanked me, and told me that my support and "friendship" means a lot to him. It is just so hard. I just want to hold him and hug him and tell him that it's going to be OK.
Now, I am torn as to what to do. I want to be his friend, but I know that doing so will be hard for me. I don't know what to do. At this point, I am trying not to be the one to call/e-mail him. I am letting him initiate the contact. I don't know if that's better or worse for me, but at this point, I feel it's the best I can do.
My worst fear is that he will eventually want to see me in person in the "friend" capacity, and I am not sure if I am ready for that yet...
I am just so confused. His e-mails were the usual, checking to see how my day is going, letting me know what's going on at his building (we teach in the same district). When he asked me what I was doing tonight and I told him having dinner with a friend, he asked who, and where. Also said that we need to go out for drinks soon, since we're both pulling our hair out at work. I just don't know what to make of this...
hi circe -- i'm sticking to my original advice.
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board