my heart is broken

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
my heart is broken
3
Wed, 09-30-2009 - 3:42pm
Ok, Ladies, I need some help, and support, I am going out of my mind. Here is the sort story. I am married, 15 years, a few months ago I met a man, divorced, and we immediately hit it off, friendship quickly turned into
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2009
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 09-30-2009 - 6:49pm

Cmty,

I am soo sorry! I can only imagine how much pain you are feeling because I know how I would feel! I can only say that if he has pulled back he must be wanting some space. The only thing you can do is provide that space to him. There is another board the ending affair support board. You can get some help and hugs from those folks who are dealing with similar issues. I wish I had better news or something else to offer. Keep us informed if you hear from him again...

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2008
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 09-30-2009 - 10:11pm
Mom, thanks for your response, I have good news, well not really good for him! He called today, he was out of town for the weekend, I knew that, but on Sunday my poor baby got so sick with pneumonia and was in the hospital until tonight. His cell phone was at home in his unpacked luggage, and had no way of contacting me. I am soooo relieved, but sad for him, he is still very sick, I want to be there to take care of him, but as we all know, we cant do that in these kind of relationships. I knew in the back of my mind that he would not leave me without an explanation, but it was happening, and i freaked. I can finally sleep again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
In reply to: cmty
Wed, 09-30-2009 - 10:22pm

cmty,


I so understand your pain and confusion. I've been in my A for just over two years now, and while things are pretty great at the moment...I remember very clearly the times in the early stages of our R, that he did the exact same thing to me. I eventually stopped texting, asking (no, practically begging) to know why he disappeared, and what did I did wrong. Sometimes I knew why he was doing it, but sometimes I did not.


I eventually gave up on trying to get an answer, and left him completely alone. He eventually got over whatever it was, and contacted me again. While I don't think it's very nice behavior, I think it's kind of normal...I think in the beginning, most of them have a hard time with some sort of sense of guilt. That's sort of a general kind of thing I suppose, except that your AP is divorced...so really don't know what could be going on in his head. Whatever it is, it's his problem...not yours.


So, take deep breaths ~ keep yourself terribly busy...go on with your life. I'm pretty sure he'll get back in touch with you, and it will be up to you to decide if you can have a discussion with him about how disrespectful it feels to be treated in such a way, because it's just not nice.


Hang in there cmty, read lots of posts here...hold your head up, I'm sure he'll contact you sooner or later.


benska