my heart is pounding out of my chest....
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| Fri, 10-24-2003 - 8:54am |
I know that I deserve critism for my actions, but I still need to get this out as I have no one else to talk to. I am with a wonderful guy. We've been together for over a year. We have had our ups and downs, but things are great now. The night before last, I called up my ex - we have been apart for over 2 years - and said let's grab a drink, catch up. I was very stressed from work, and no one else was around. My b/f was about an hour and a half away in his hometown.
Anyways, to make a long story short, my ex took it as a "let's try again" sign. It wasn't. I do NOT love my ex at all, there are no feelings there whatsoever. We talked, and he confessed that he still loved me. We did reminisce, which is probably what did it for him, but I never once said that I loved him still, or told him I had any feelings for him. Needless to say, when I spoke to him the next day, he was shattered when I told him that there would be no "us".
Now, the guilt is eating me up - not only because I hurt my ex, again. But because my b/f has no idea that I went out with him the other night. My ex did try to kiss me, but I said no and pushed him away. I said I couldn't do that to my b/f, whom I love very much. I haven't told my b/f about this, and I am not sure if I should. I wasn't myself that night, I got totally drunk, which is no excuse. I can barely look in the mirror. What have I done?

"Blue"
Thank you for helping me feel a bit better about a totally messed up situation.
Take Care!
:)