My justifications....what are yours?

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Registered: 07-27-2003
My justifications....what are yours?
10
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 10:16am

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 10:45am
There is NO justification for cheating. NONE. EVER. That does not mean that I am condemning you for doing it. I just wish that you would recognize that it is wrong and selfish and deceitful of you, but that you are doing it anyway because you WANT to, period, end of story. You have your reasons, and your reasons may be perfectly understandable to you and every other woman on this board, but no, you are not justified.

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Registered: 07-27-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 10:57am

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 11:08am
Yoga...you are entitled to your opinion but it would be appreciated by everyone here if you could learn to do it a bit more subtly and respectfully otherwise this may not be the right board for you to participate on. Your viewpoint has been extremely helpful and insightful to many of us but would you please soften your edges a bit. Thanks much!

On that note, I do agree with yoga in that there is no justification for cheating - there are reasons why you have ventured down that road, whether it be an ailing marriage or for our own selfish and self satisfying reasons. Because my situation is such that my marriage is completely fulfilling in every aspect I could desire I would have to say my reasoning is the simple fact that I do it for me, because I want to and hey, every girl needs a hobby right?!?!?!

My DH likes golfing, fishing and nascar and I like shopping, gardening and shaggin my OM. I dont look for anything to justify my actions - as long as Im as cautious as I am about being extremely discreet no one's getting hurt over this and besides I dont have to answer to anyone except myself so why is justification even necessary???

Liberal

Avatar for prettyribbons4u
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
Fri, 08-22-2003 - 11:30am
Charlotte, wow...I think I could have written this about myself. I too have a wonderful H in almost every aspect, but we are basically just going through the motions of day to day life. He is a wonderful dad and our sex life has always been very good to amazingly great at times but with MM it's so different from anything I've ever felt with H. I feel connected to him with every part of myself, sexually or otherwise. I'm physically, emotionally and mentally into every inch of him and what you've said here makes sooooo much sense to ME, it's totally how I feel about my same situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 6:35pm
Hi charlotte,

I may be a little late on the uptake with this one but here I am :) I think maybe you might have used the wrong word for this one and I'm guessing it got taken a little out of text... but either way... whether they are your reasons... or your justifications to yourself it really doesn't matter.

Why am I in my affair??? I could quote a whole list of reasons as to why I am in it... a lot to do with DH, but then I had a lot of failings too and I guess in many ways this is one of them. Why am I still in it??? because in all honestly... I want to be... I've said this before and I'll say it again even if it still sounds corney... but MM completes me.

He not only stimulates my body, but my mind as well... something that DH finds very hard to do... the sex, while amazing... is just an added benefit.

I know what we do is not fair to DH or MM's wife... but I'm content in knowing that we both still do put a lot of effort back to our marriage and I do very much believe that in a sense we have also saved one another's marriage... and I also know that by wanting to keep being in my A... I'm being a little selfish... but hey! for once I'm taking something that I want... for me!

I never really justify why I'm in my A... I don't feel the need... what I do is really no one elses business and as long as I can deal with my reasons for it... then I'm ok with that.

luv and hugs

Sweet

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 8:46pm
Charlotte,

You're ahead of me... No good sex with H... No kids to dote on... As the years have gone by, we've parted ways. I'm into my career, health, exercise. He's into TV, junk food, computer solitaire. The glue that holds together is more of a friendship I guess. H loves me, but it is more of a comfortable relationship for us.

OM completes me. He gives me emotional and physical satisfaction. And he loves me, worries about me, needs me, too.

Pug

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 9:52pm
Well, for the record, I agree with yoga and others. Assuming we all took the standard vows - or some similar derivation - we all promised our spouses we wouldn't do this, so it is wrong. No way around that one. HOWEVER....

Despite an acknowledgement to myself of an attraction to OM since meeting him, I was strong and channelled all my energies into trying to improve my marriage. The connection I felt with OM was diverted into a good friendship. I always spoke of my feelings for him in terms of loyalty, fondness, friendship, etc. I came to certain conclusions about my marriage over the winter and early spring. It wasn't until several weeks after that point that I realized that I could easily take my feelings for OM to the next level. Once I realized that I was walking that fine line, I took the plunge. I wasn't even sure, despite all the flirting and joking we've done over the years, that he would take me up on it. I thought he was bluffing, because I knew he had a content relationship with his g/f.

Anyway, I did not enter into my friendship with OM with ulterior motives. I really did give my marriage my all until it was obvious that it had died somewhere along the line. This affair has not been what caused the end of my marriage, which, if I had done this last year, it may very well have because of all that I've learned about myself through my relationship with OM. So, I tend to look at my affair as something I'm acting on now, because I'm not entirely certain that the opportunity would still have been there once I'm finally divorced. With the way my company shifts people around, I didn't want to take the chance that he, or I, or both would have been moved without ever finding out if what we feel is real. I would rather it happened after the divorce, but this was one opportunity that, on my deathbed, I did not want to regret having passed up.

And I have been happier in the last 6 weeks (OM and I have been together about 3 months) than I have ever been in my entire life.

Lucky

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Registered: 07-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:50am




Edited 7/4/2004 11:55 am ET ET by charlotte1203

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:42am
Oh, Charlotte, I hope you don't think I was coming down on you. I really was trying to support Yoga's post, not criticize yours. Justification is the word I would have used in a post like your's too. And I didn't think your post was especially negative. I thought it was a good thought-provoker, that's why I responded to it. Thanks for opening that line of discussion!!!

{{HUGS}}

Lucky

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:49am
...I wasn't thinking that at all lucky! Thanks!