My life: The Mess

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
My life: The Mess
3
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 11:38pm
Ok, here it goes... I had my first affair 8 years ago. I stayed with my husband after he found out and quickly became pregnant with our first child. Throughout my pregnancy I dealt with comments like "if you wouldn't have gotten pregnant, i would have left". I was focused on being a "perfect" wife and mother until 2 years ago. I'm still in contact with him occasionally but he lives 700 miles away. We had planned a romantic getaway but he didn't come at the last minute -- i went anyways and proceeded to have a very wild few days. That resulted in a pregnancy that my husband nievely believes is his doing. (For some background, 10 days before becoming engaged my husband encouraged me to abort an unplanned pregnancy--my biggest regret in life.) Recently, I've become involved in 3 more affairs... I feel like I'm out of control and living on the edge. When I try to tell hubby how unhappy I am in the marriage he just lists all the reasons I should be happy. I'm just feeling like I'm going to end up destroying my children's childhood should all that I'm doing be discovered.

any advice is greatly needed and appreciated.

Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 11:55pm

Lost hon... my advice to you... get help... and get it now!!!!


Not only have you put your own life to risk with unprotected sex... but that of your husband... and that of your unborn child.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 12:41pm

Lost, I have to agree with Sweets.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:01pm
Dear lost... you're not really lost -- you've just taken a detour somewhere along the way. The unprotected sex is scary and you need to figure out why you're doing that. I agree with the others.. run (don't walk) to the nearest counseling center. Much of what you're experiencing has to do with self-esteem, I suspect. So remember that you are a beautiful and wondrous creation, unique with all your warts and wonders. Give yourself a break, love yourself enough to get help. You've heard the story of the guy who dug a hole, then found when it was about six feet deep he couldn't get out? A priest walked by and he said "Father, please help me." The priest blessed him, and went on his way. A doctor walked by and he said "Doctor, I can't get out, please help me." The doctor stepped over to the hole, tossed down a couple of aspirin and said "Call me in the morning." Then a friend walked by. Again he called out "Help me, I'm stuck -- I can't get out." The friend quickly jumped into the hole with him. The guy was amazed. "Why did you do that?" he cried. "Now you're stuck too." "No" his friend said. "I've been here before and I know the way out."

We can't tell you the exact path out, but we're here to listen. Please, please be careful.