My Love Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2013
My Love Affair
7
Mon, 09-23-2013 - 11:45pm

My story starts like most I think. I started at a new company. I work in IT, therefore, it is a male dominated field. There was one of them that I just “clicked” hitting it off right away. He was friendly and flirty. He definitely isn’t my typical type that I would normally fall for. He had invited me over to his place where he lived with his wife and two other roommates. He wanted to introduce me to one his roommates. He also wanted me to meet his wife since he said we were so much alike. At this point, we were just two people getting to know each other. I bought my dog with since they were dog fans. The first night went good, but I wasn’t interested in his friend. His friend and I didn’t click.

From them, him and I would go to lunch together, work together, and work out together, and text all the time. He was always truthful with his wife every time we did something together. She seemed to be always accepting of everything that we did together.

Shortly after, I told him that I liked him. He was fine with that. He told his wife and his wife was fine with that. I wanted to break it off not to be friends with either one of them since I figured it wasn’t right and I didn’t want anything to happen. They were both very upset that I was backing out of the newly discovered friendship. Both of them ended up sucking me back in so I was friends with him and his wife. I would hang out with him and his wife quit often. I even got to meet his family for her birthday party. He had invited me.

After about a month, there was one weekend where we had spent a lot of time together. I am not sure what happened, but the first week of June produced these feelings for him to kiss me. He no longer saw me as just a friend or a co-worker. But, we never acted on it. He never acted on it and I never pushed it.  The second weekend in June, he gave me a ride on his motorcycle. His wife let him do that. His wife let him flirt with me. His wife let him work out with me and let him go out to lunch with me alone. That Friday night, he invited me over to watch movies since he wasn’t going to bed anytime soon and his wife was ok with me coming over since she was going to bed. She was in their room while him and I were in the living room. She said it was ok for him to cuddle with me. We sat up till 4 am just staring at each other not saying one word. His wife was ok with him cuddling with me. This happened again Saturday night. Again, his wife was ok with us cuddling in the living room while she was in their bedroom. That never seemed right to me. I was at a vulnerable state at that time. I was feeling lonely.

That Sunday, the only person he wanted to see was me. I met him at the beach. It was there that I told him that I was in love with him and he returned the feelings and we later kissed, more than once. It was unlike anything that I have ever experienced. This is my first time being in love with someone. I thought maybe it was less than that, but its proven to be the real thing. That same night, he told his wife. His wife suspected something like this would happen, but didn’t anticipate it would happen so fast. Obviously, she no longer approved of us going to lunch, texting, working out much less seeing each other. It then turned that we would only see each other at work, but the nights we would sit on Google chat talking with each other telling each other of our dreams, our hopes, and what our future would be like if we ended up together. The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months.

We would kiss every chance we got when we were at work. We only had a couple chances where we got to be together outside of work. His wife is very clingy and needs him by herself 24/7. This went on from June to September.

He went on vacation with his wife for 10 days. The day after Labor Day weekend, something changed. I didn’t feel any passion, any love from him or any feelings. I really wasn’t sure how to take it. He said he was tired of seeing me hurt and didn’t want to be responsible for me being sad all the time at work. He figured if he can focus on his wife, and not act on the feelings that he has that all of this will work itself out. He still loves me and cares for me very much, but got tired of me being mad that he wasn’t there for me when he couldn’t be and got tired of missing me on the weekends.

It’s been almost a month since this has happened. Even though, I see him every day, I miss his kisses and attention. I am still hoping that he is trying to save his marriage and figures out that he married the wrong person only to come back to me. It doesn’t feel like this is over yet, I have gone out a couple dates, but my heart isn’t it in. All I want is him. I am hoping this allows him to have a clear mind to do what he needs to do. I don’t know what that is yet. But, only time will tell and hoping that true love will prevail. He says that he loves me just as much as his wife, which I can believe, but it took him 6 year to propose to her. They just celebrated their second wedding anniversary. It’s been hard and I still don’t know how to move past this situation not letting it get the best of me, but it’s very difficult.

I am sharing and maybe hoping for some advice, but it’s another tale of how you can’t help who you fall in love with. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2013
Tue, 11-12-2013 - 7:23am

I agree with some others on here that it sounded like they wanted a third person and somewhere a long the way the wife changed her mind.I bet the time when you were cuddling on the couch was supposed to be the night for the you all to getogather,but nobody made the move.When the wife saw you had real feelings for him   she put an end to it. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2013
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 11:23am
Conscious says the wife is nuts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2013
Fri, 09-27-2013 - 11:22am

You are right about the fact that you can help who you fall in love with. I shoudn't of spent so much time with him, but like I said there was this "connection" between us that I couldn't deny. I didn't even have feelings for him up until later. I enjuoyed spending time with him and enjoyed talking to him. We would talk all the time at work.

They weren't looking to set up anything. The wife is just nuts in the head.

I dont think they are manipulative in that way. I think the wife is just nuts and maybe was too trusting with her husband. But then again like you said, if she could see it coming, why wouldn't she stop it or say something to her husband. Ill probably never know the answer.

I appreciate you responding to my post.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 09-25-2013 - 4:26pm

Yeah very weird. As I read I was sure this was leading to the two of them wanting to "add" you to their open marriage. I guess not. His wife is wacked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 12:16pm

I was thinking about the same thing.  I have never been a jealous person so I wouldn't care if my DH had female friends, but there are certain things I would draw the line at.  I wouldn't mind if my DH went out to lunch w/a woman he worked with since I would assume that I could trust my DH not to take things beyond lunch (I have gone to lunch w/ men I worked with and just looked at them as co-workers).  But I wouldn't invite a woman into my house and think it was ok to have her cuddle up w/ my DH--that is very strange.  And how would she be surprised that they developed feelings for each other when she was basically pushing them together?  But it's just asking for trouble & heartache if you spend a lot of time w/ a married man and then develop feelings for each other.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2011
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 9:29am

Sorry, it double posted.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2011
Tue, 09-24-2013 - 9:23am
Actually, this demonstrates the OPPOSITE of "you can't help who you fall in love with". Look at all the time and experiences it took for you to "fall in love". Lots of time spent together, working out, lunching, watching movies, cuddling, talking - endless hours. The way to prevent falling in love is simply to NOT spend so much time with people who are unavailable. It takes lots of time to really fall in love. Why did you invest so much time on this relationship? Secondly, his wife has a screw loose. What woman allows her husband to cuddle with another woman on her couch in her home while she has gone to bed?? And then to claim that she is surprised it led to a relationship so "quickly"?? As I was reading I thought for sure it was going to lead to a request for a threesome from this couple, as to me it seems she must want something from all this to actually encourage the flirtation and relationship. As a matter of fact I wouldn't be surprised if that request is still going to come, and that was the intent of both of them all this time. I am sorry you are hurting. My advice would be to run from this very manipulative couple, I think there's a lot here you are just too naive to see. They sound like really bad news to me.