My Love Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2013
My Love Affair
Mon, 09-23-2013 - 11:45pm

My story starts like most I think. I started at a new company. I work in IT, therefore, it is a male dominated field. There was one of them that I just “clicked” hitting it off right away. He was friendly and flirty. He definitely isn’t my typical type that I would normally fall for. He had invited me over to his place where he lived with his wife and two other roommates. He wanted to introduce me to one his roommates. He also wanted me to meet his wife since he said we were so much alike. At this point, we were just two people getting to know each other. I bought my dog with since they were dog fans. The first night went good, but I wasn’t interested in his friend. His friend and I didn’t click.

From them, him and I would go to lunch together, work together, and work out together, and text all the time. He was always truthful with his wife every time we did something together. She seemed to be always accepting of everything that we did together.

Shortly after, I told him that I liked him. He was fine with that. He told his wife and his wife was fine with that. I wanted to break it off not to be friends with either one of them since I figured it wasn’t right and I didn’t want anything to happen. They were both very upset that I was backing out of the newly discovered friendship. Both of them ended up sucking me back in so I was friends with him and his wife. I would hang out with him and his wife quit often. I even got to meet his family for her birthday party. He had invited me.

After about a month, there was one weekend where we had spent a lot of time together. I am not sure what happened, but the first week of June produced these feelings for him to kiss me. He no longer saw me as just a friend or a co-worker. But, we never acted on it. He never acted on it and I never pushed it.  The second weekend in June, he gave me a ride on his motorcycle. His wife let him do that. His wife let him flirt with me. His wife let him work out with me and let him go out to lunch with me alone. That Friday night, he invited me over to watch movies since he wasn’t going to bed anytime soon and his wife was ok with me coming over since she was going to bed. She was in their room while him and I were in the living room. She said it was ok for him to cuddle with me. We sat up till 4 am just staring at each other not saying one word. His wife was ok with him cuddling with me. This happened again Saturday night. Again, his wife was ok with us cuddling in the living room while she was in their bedroom. That never seemed right to me. I was at a vulnerable state at that time. I was feeling lonely.


That Sunday, the only person he wanted to see was me. I met him at the beach. It was there that I told him that I was in love with him and he returned the feelings and we later kissed, more than once. It was unlike anything that I have ever experienced. This is my first time being in love with someone. I thought maybe it was less than that, but its proven to be the real thing. That same night, he told his wife. His wife suspected something like this would happen, but didn’t anticipate it would happen so fast. Obviously, she no longer approved of us going to lunch, texting, working out much less seeing each other. It then turned that we would only see each other at work, but the nights we would sit on Google chat talking with each other telling each other of our dreams, our hopes, and what our future would be like if we ended up together. The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months.

We would kiss every chance we got when we were at work. We only had a couple chances where we got to be together outside of work. His wife is very clingy and needs him by herself 24/7. This went on from June to September.

He went on vacation with his wife for 10 days. The day after Labor Day weekend, something changed. I didn’t feel any passion, any love from him or any feelings. I really wasn’t sure how to take it. He said he was tired of seeing me hurt and didn’t want to be responsible for me being sad all the time at work. He figured if he can focus on his wife, and not act on the feelings that he has that all of this will work itself out. He still loves me and cares for me very much, but got tired of me being mad that he wasn’t there for me when he couldn’t be and got tired of missing me on the weekends.


It’s been almost a month since this has happened. Even though, I see him every day, I miss his kisses and attention. I am still hoping that he is trying to save his marriage and figures out that he married the wrong person only to come back to me. It doesn’t feel like this is over yet, I have gone out a couple dates, but my heart isn’t it in. All I want is him. I am hoping this allows him to have a clear mind to do what he needs to do. I don’t know what that is yet. But, only time will tell and hoping that true love will prevail. He says that he loves me just as much as his wife, which I can believe, but it took him 6 year to propose to her. They just celebrated their second wedding anniversary. It’s been hard and I still don’t know how to move past this situation not letting it get the best of me, but it’s very difficult.


I am sharing and maybe hoping for some advice, but it’s another tale of how you can’t help who you fall in love with.