My MM....on Valentine's Day

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2008
My MM....on Valentine's Day
3
Sat, 02-14-2009 - 7:08pm

This weekend is tough for me. It is the first anniversary of the death of my H (tomorrow), and, I am just sorrowful.


Thursday MM and I had our Valentine's Day, and, he was so thoughtful, I got the paraffin bath I had been wanting, and he got me some silk roses (so they wouldn't die right away and I would know how much he loves me every time I look at them.) We spent a wonderful day together, had a nice lunch, just what we both needed.


So, today I knew that if I saw him, it was going to be really brief, as we both had family things to do, and, we figured we would try to get away to see each other for a couple of minutes. By 4 I hadn't heard from him, and figured he was busy, it's not a big deal, I know he loves me and will call me when he can, I don't ever worry about not hearing from him. Anyway, I left to go get a few groceries, and as I was driving to the store around the block from my house, he called. He was on his way to the store around the block from his house. So, I went the couple of miles out of my way to shop with him.


When I got to the store, he had already gotten most of his groceries. He had a dozen red roses in the cart, and said he needed a few other things, a box of chocolates, etc...So, we got my things, got the rest of his stuff, and went to check out. We always do shopping together, and he always pays. Thursday he gave me $100.00 figuring that this weekend we wouldn't be able to shop together (today being V day, and tomorrow the girls and I spending time remembering their dad). I told him that I should pay with the money he gave me, and he wouldn't let me.


So, then, we walked to the cars, it was snowing, so he had me sit in my car while he put the groceries in. Then, he came up and handed me the roses. He said he loves me, and he is so sad that I am so sad right now. I tried to tell him that he already gave me those wonderful silks that will last forever, and he should give the roses to his W. He said 'nope, these are RED roses, and they show you how much I love you, they are for you." Oh man!


Anyway I got this email from a life coach news letter, and she had this sentence in it. The premise of the whole thing is that the love of your life is actually your Divine Self. However, this also is my MM, so I wanted to share it with you all. I have two loves of my life, my Divine Self, and my MM,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 10:58am

Wow, Mom, I loved that message. I liken my A to being very similar to yours, except my H is still here. {{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}} hugs to you today, I know it must be hard on you and your girls.

I think of my AP in just the way that email you posted states. He is my best friend, he has taught me how to feel better about myself. He loves me unconditionally. After years of being belittled, humiliated and criticized, it will take me time to relearn how I feel about myself, but I feel so fortunate to have him helping me learn.

You are very lucky to have your MM, I wish you the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2008
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 12:22pm

Star,


You do sound a lot like me. My H was very emotionally abusive to me and the girls.


I have been with MM for over 8 years, so, my growth has been a continuing journey. He says (often) that he is amazed at how much I have grown over this past year, moreso than all the other years we have been together combined.


The hardest part about our grief is that we know that his death was the best thing for us. As long as h was alive, I would never have had the guts to leave him, and the girls and I would stay squashed, however, with his death, we are able to grow, and we have.


Anyway, I sent MM that little email, and I wanted to share his response to me, one more reason I am so blessed.


Your making me blush. But thank you for thinking so highly of me.
It is easy to take care of someone that you love.
I hope that you are feeling better today. Make sure that you and the girls stay busy, i wish that i could be with you today but you guys need this time to heal.
I'll call you when I can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 6:14pm

"Imagine having a best friend that was always there for you.