My A is over

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
My A is over
4
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 10:48pm

I just wanted to post a little update in case anyone was wondering where I disappeared to.


My A is over by my own choice. I got real about the risk I was taking with my marriage (which I am not all together unhappy in and do not want to leave at all) and also realized that I was just making it harder for myself to work on my marriage as long as I was in the A. I started to feel like I was selling myself short. I was putting my entire life as I know it at risk for what? A guy who couldn't be there for me if DH ever found out about us and left me? I started to feel like I did when I was a single OW before I met DH. I really felt like I was just taking unnecessary risks with my happiness and my reputation for something that wasn't worth it in the end. I ended the A by going through a week and a half of NC and one day when AP came over to plow our driveway he asked me what was up and I just told him how I was feeling. He really respected my decision but told me that if I ever changed my mind I could always call him. I'm so relieved that AP was willing to end it amicably, and as far as I know my A is now behind me with neither of our spouses ever knowing a thing. My therapist was right. He told me that as long as I was in the A I would not fight as zealously as I could to fix my marriage because I was getting some of my needs met someplace else. Once I stopped being in intimate contact with AP I got more vocal with DH about things that I was unhappy about and the past month has been pretty good for us. I am feeling more like a united front with him than ever, and it's a relief.


I will continue to lurk around here because even if I'm not currently in an A I've been in 2 very different ones and can still offer support/insight. I wish everyone else luck with their situations!

 

 

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
In reply to: miss_b_havin
Fri, 01-09-2009 - 11:26pm

Hi Miss -


Honey - thank you so much for posting your update - we do tend to lose track of people sometimes, and I for one have always appreciated your posts - and I do hope that you continue to post when you can.


I really applaud you for making a decision to work on your M - and I know that to do that it was a difficult task to end your A - but look how far you have come in a short time.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
In reply to: miss_b_havin
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 9:13pm

Miss B,

if there is an ideal ending for a WS, this sounds like the one. i applaud you for understanding the risk (something i seem to be unable to do) and learning to ask for what you need from DH. i wish you the best in working on your M and i hope your DH is lives up to your expectations.

Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
In reply to: miss_b_havin
Sat, 01-10-2009 - 10:21pm
miss, i too applaud you.
~k
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
In reply to: miss_b_havin
Sun, 01-11-2009 - 1:36pm
Sounds to me like you have your act together.....you were smart to leave the A in order to work on your marriage. Good luck to you and your future.