my situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2012
my situation
7
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 3:20pm

Hi all- I posted to this board quite a while ago so don't know if anyone remembers me but I have been lurking and keeping up on everyone's stories so thought I'd give an update. First, I wanted to thank everyone on this board for their feedback. It helped me in so many valuable ways. I've been in an A for about  a year and a half. Had a Dday 4 months into the A. Went to MC for 9 months. A continuted kinda off and on. Now completely living apart from H and we are filing for D. That part of my life is the best decision I ever made. The only difficulty is seeing at times how it affects DD (but H and I actually work very hard to make life good for her). But I am SO relieved to be out of my M. It was so wrong in so many ways. I made the decision to D when I was absolutely certain I could do it with our without AP. I'm really happy to be my own person again. It is a little lonely at times but I still don't desire my H's company. I'm making new friends, enjoying DD, focusing on work, developing new hobbies, etc. I feel optimistic about the future.

I'm still with AP. He is still M but has to be for very legit reasons. He continues to claim he plans to D once X happens (don't really want to go into detail as in case anyone we know snoops on these boards!). For now, I am fine with the way things are because I have no intention of dating at this point. But a year from now may be entirely different and he knows that. I have to admit, I love him with all my heart. I hope we end up together. But I've learned, especially over the last 6 months, to love and look forward to the idea of being loved and finding someone- but now worrying about who that someone is or when exactly it will happen. I hope it is him but if not, I'm excited to meet the next him! :smileyhappy: Honestly, this mindset has been a savior. I have been focusing on what I really want in life. Trying to learn from my mistakes. And keep focused on and thankful for the present. I still have lows and snags along the way. But all in all I feel I've made the correct decision on my M. Counseling the a book that recommended here on the board helped me come a long way in making this decision. Anyway just wanted to stop in officially and give my thanks. I'll still be reading and posting occasionally I'm sure. :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
In reply to: ss2211
Thu, 08-09-2012 - 9:58am
Hi ss, it's tough making that decision to leave our s.o but yes I totally agree that finally ending a M/Engagement that's going nowhere is the best thing that we can do for ourselves. Here's to living life the way it's supposed to be :smileyhappy:
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: ss2211
Thu, 08-09-2012 - 10:04am
It took an affair for me to see that my marriage was over. Glad to hear that you are moving on with your life. I think your expectations about being together with your AP are grounded. Likelihood of a "happy ever after" with AP is not great. Good luck:smileyhappy:

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2011
In reply to: ss2211
Thu, 08-09-2012 - 2:17pm
Aww just reading your post makes me feel so happy and excited for you. You sound like you are really taking those brave steps to make your life the life you want! I'm sure there are many good things coming your way!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2012
In reply to: ss2211
Thu, 08-09-2012 - 3:18pm

Thanks to everyone for the kind words! I'm so thankful this board exists for those of us who took this unorthodox path. I think we understand all too well how messy and grey life can be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
In reply to: ss2211
Sat, 08-11-2012 - 12:23pm
You sound like you have got it going on, girl!!! Sounds like you are at a good place. That is awesome! Best of luck :-)