My situation... Need input...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2010
My situation... Need input...
6
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 10:39am
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Edited 7/30/2010 2:26 pm ET by rose8800
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 11:08am
Still trying to wake up here, so will add more later, but the first question that came to my mind is this:

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 11:13am
I know, and he admitted it was shallow. He's lost a ton of weight and his girlfriend is obese... Guess he's gotten a little full of himself... But I agree with you...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 11:21am
Oh, he also said it was more than just that, he just didn't connect with her anymore, not all about the weight issue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 12:08pm

My first thought was Another's thought. There is so much that can happen in life that can make you, physically, not the person you once were, while being the same on the inside. Illness for instance. If someone can lose interest because you've gotten heavier, then he/she could surely lose interest if you're seriously ill, or become handicapped for whatever reason.

Other than that, I wouldn't say that your AP used you. I would probably just leave him alone however and assume that it's over. He might contact you after the 5 or 6 months, but he might not. Rather than waiting and hoping, why not get on with your life. Is he worth waiting for, especially when it's such a "maybe"?

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 2:23pm
You're right. I know I need to move on and not hold out hope, but it's so hard. I had this connection with him and it's hard to get over. I almost wish he would have ended it completely and had not given me hope. It would have been easier for me to accept and move on.
He did not even tell me the whole truth at first regarding his girlfriend... He said she was just his 'best friend', only later did I realize she was more than that.
When I contacted him to apologize, I did it through facebook with a fake account and he has since blocked me from that account... He hasn't blocked me from my real facebook though, so not sure what that means... either he's done with me or he's trying to avoid dram with the girlfriend.
I wish I necer would have gotten myself in the situation...here I am a basket case while I'm sure he doing just fine. Ugh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Mon, 07-26-2010 - 5:08pm

I have to agree with the others about the reasons he is using for having an affair. I mean, at least be honest and say that you're not in love anymore...for whatever reasons...or that there is no excitement and passion...saying she is overweight would be a red flag for me. As Lexi said...what if you gain weight...become handicapped...ill and lose your hair - is that going to make him stop loving you too?


I would try to focus on whether or not your marriage can be fixed. If not, then take steps to change things and move on with your life...dating...and if he wants to be with you down the road, and takes the steps to do so...then address that when it happens. But don't put your life on hold...or do anything like leaving your husband...for him! You need to do it for you, and know that whether or not he is in the picture you would be doing the same thing.

Hope this might help a little...let us know how things are going. I know it's much easier said than done when it comes to getting over an AP!

LouLou
LouLou