My Story

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
My Story
2
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 12:47pm
I don't have anyone else to talk to about my situation, and I thought this would be a good place to do so anonymously. I have been seeing a married man for 2 years now. I love him dearly, but I don't know if I can take this any longer. I know he loves me, but I am afraid that he is never going to leave his wife. We always talk about marriage, and having a family together, but how do I know that he will ever muster up the courage to finally leave her? I don't want to give up on our relationship, but I do want it to advance to a relationship where we don't have to hide. I just don't think I can wait any longer for him to decide he is ready to finally be with just me. Am I stupid for waiting? Am I stupid for loving? Am I stupid for hoping? Any words would be much appreciated!!! The story is much more involved, but I don't really have time to write it all. Thanks for listening!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
In reply to: liz7319
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 12:53pm
liz,

A word of sage advise for you. When you want something to happen really bad, don't get too desparate about - it never works out - my experince. If you give a lot of thought, time and take it easy - it works out better. Take it easy. All this only if you believe him and he is not lying to you. If you believe him, stay otherwise leave and find yourself another man.

river

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
In reply to: liz7319
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 1:54pm
First, let me say that you are not stupid. No moreso than the rest of us here anyway. We have all gotten into situations we never thought we would be in and most of us got here by following our hearts. There is no point in looking at what is already done and regretting it. Better to learn from our mistakes and try to do better moving forward. That said, I think you have a very difficult decision to make regarding your MM. You have every right to expect a normal R that doesn't involved deceit and hiding. If you are no longer willing to continue with things the way they are, you need to let him know this. Then he will have to decide if he has the desire and courage to do what will likely be the most difficult thing he has ever done. In fact, there is a possibility he hasn't given his W any indication that anything is wrong so there will probably be a lot to go through. I guess my advice would be to proceed with caution. You need to understand that even if he agrees to work towards ending his M, it will be a long process and he may need some time to grieve that R ending before he can fully commit to you. That will be a long process and it is likely to test the strength of your bond. Don't take this to mean it can't work between the two of you because I believe it probably can if your R is as strong as you say it is. I'm just warning you about the things you're going to have to get through to be with this man. Only you can decide if it is worth pursuing. Whatever you decide, I wish you well. It will take a lot of strength and resolve to get through either scenario. I wish I had a better outlook for you. If you need something positive to focus on, remember that no matter what you decide, at least you'll be moving forward instead of treading water. And either way, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.